Menopause/Early Menopause

Abbymoo

Sorry if it's the wrong forum, please do move it if it is.


Please don't take any of the following in a woe is me way, I don't want to come across like that. I know there's many people far worse off than me.

I just need a vent really. I'm 31, no children and going though the menopause and I'm finding it a bit hard-going really. Apart from the physical stuff combining with the usual CFS things (brain fog, forgetfulness, etc) not to mention crippling anxiety meaning I can't even answer the door without feeling like I'm going to have a heart attack my head is just being ridiculous. I want to cry all the time. I'm constantly suspicious that the OH will want to find a fully functioning partner and get rid of the wreck that is me.
I've been miserable for ages thinking he has a crush on someone at work despite having no evidence for this whatsoever. I know I'm being ridiculous but I just can't shake off feeling low.


It doesn't help that his nutty mother managed to get through our block filters last week calling us all the names under the sun.


I just feel old, past it, like I have no future and nothing to be proud of in my past. I've never been massively maternal but going through losing my fertility at a relatively young age has hit me harder than I thought it would.


The OH is lovely but doesn't seem to take it seriously as we'd not really thought about having children anyway.


I have tried talking to him about things but I'm worried if I keep on about it he'll go off me even more (not that he has, he's just not a very touchy feely type, never has been, but now the lack of physical affection I'm stupidly taking as a sign he'd like me to sod off)


Ah I'm not making any sense I know. Ignore me, just needed to get it out I think.


How did the menopause affect you? Did you ever get back to feeling 'sane'?

flutterby_lil

Nothing to say really hon as I don't have experience of the menopause but wanted to send you a big virtual ((((((((((((((((((HUG))))))))))))))) and tell you to go easy on yourself. Try and keep yourself busy with the gym, running, etc to get these thoughts out of your mind.

InsideInsurance

An ex went through an early menopause, certainly for her the HRT helped significantly and stopped her wanting to hit random strangers or bursting into tears

fluffnutter

Oh bless you. An early menopause is a very difficult thing to deal with. Firstly go to your GP and discuss HRT, not only to make you feel better in the short term but to protect your health long term. Depleted oestrogen can affect your bones and lead to later problems with osteoporosis so even if you decide HRT's not for you make sure you know whether it's appropriate to be taking a calcium/vit D supplement and whether particular types of exercise are beneficial.

Secondly, it's worth your knowing that an early menopause is not necessarily the end of having children. Using egg donation and IVF there's a good chance you could carry a child. I know it's not something you've been thinking about up until now but it's worth just keeping that thought at the back of your mind.

Thirdly, you're the same person you've always been and your OH loves you. His love is not conditional on your fertility. Talk to him about your fears, let him know that it's not just about kids, it's about your identity and feeling less of a woman. It's understandable that you feel like this but men tend to see the practical issues (and for your OH there aren't any so what's the problem?).

Lastly, I expect there are lots of good support groups for women in your position on the interweb and whatnot. May be worth a look?

Artytarty

I second HRT. It saved my sanity. I wSnt as young as you but it still premature and none of my friends were supportive because they did not understand.
Please consider a gp visit . Why should be held emotionally hostage by your hormones, . No way .

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

Also talk to your GP about your anxiety. It may be purely due to hormones, but having CFS and other stresses as well could mean you could benefit from additional treatment, whether it's some form of therapy, counselling, antidepressants or a beta blocker. Or something else.

There's help out there - take it.


Oh, and I get the anxiety stuff - could the worry that he's going to go be because you feel safer/less stressed when he's around? I know I do with the Lovely Fella; he's seen me have one anxiety attack, where he was so calm and reassuring, it was over in record time - if yours helps in any way, whether practically or just by being there so it's less likely to happen in the first place, it's pretty reasonable to fear not having that safety net.

Artytarty

When I got HRT help my anxiety was greatly diminished.
I no longer worried about worst case scenarios and stopped feeling everybody else was fertile and they all hated or laughed at me!

System

Ive got off relatively easy I suppose. Ive had the odd hot flush but nothing really to complain about.


The one thing I do complain about is hair. Hair where I don't want it and lacking in places I want it.


I did get myself in a bit of a negative frame of mind when my periods stopped. It was just a reminder that I was no longer fertile. I didn't understand why I got in a pickle over it as I had been sterilized 16-17 years previously and I couldn't have any more babies anyway.