One sided money saving!!

Tops_3

What do you do if your partner isn't as commited as you are to saving the £££s?We have a lot of bad money habits to break and DH just isn't "getting it"" and I'm tearing my hair out tbh.Each week we go over the finances and I point out where we've(HE'S!) strayed and he starts the week full of good intentions but by Wednesday they're out the window:rolleyes:
We have a joint account~DH works and I'm a SAHM~and I feel like crap asking for his card etc.We are in a position where we face a cut in income fairly soon so,although right now we're okay for cash,in a month or two things will be tight.I need to get us sorted ASAP before it becomes a problem.How can I convert him??

BusyLizzie_3

What about you taking over the joint account and setting up a separate account for him with his spending money for the month. Once he's spent his money, that's it until next month. That way you can keep control of the big costs, mortgage, utilities etc. and he can have a small amount of money for his own expenses - lunch, magazine subscriptions, DVDs or whatever. You could also try persuading him to hand over his debit or credit card to you and use only cash.

Good luck!

benood

You could take buzylizzies suggestion a stage further by opening a first direct account for him and setting up text message banking - he'll get a daily text showing the balance and yesterdays transactions and will therefore get instant warning of overspending. The service used to be free but now costs £2.50 per month, still well worth it for controlling my oh's spending.

HugoSP

What is he spending his money on, and why?

We don't need to know but you should.

Tops_3

Thanks guys.I do know what he's spending on which makes it harder tbh.
He'll buy me flowers,or see a nice bottle of wine.Sometimes he'll buy cigarettes that he's supposed to be giving up:rolleyes: Occasionally he's running late and doesn't get to make lunch so buys it from the sandwich van.Or he spots a bargain in various places or a treat and wants to suprise us,like nice things for the kids.
I guess it's harder because the extra cash he's spending is 90% on us as a family but it needs to stop.
He already has a cash "allowance" (cringe!!!) but carries his current account card.I do have all 3 credit cards of his though;) So I guess it's bye bye debit card and an upset DH then really isn't it

ailuro2

Challenge him to a budget for the week, and reward him at the end of it.

Make his sandwiches for him, make something different every day, again a reward for being MSE.

Ask him to save the flower money up for a night in a hotel- you work out the reward for him there:p

Tell him you're dieting to get into that skimpy lingerie for the night away, so please no more bottles of wine for you.Save it for champagne;)

Sounds like training? Rewarding good behaviour, asking the bad behaviour to be stopped? OK, we're not going to go as far as the naughty chair/step, but you can see where I'm coming from?

My DH sees the rewards now, and now relishes trying non-brand foods after he has blind tested them(if he notices a difference then I tell him- if he says it's horrible then I say fair enough, only half price- lets see what else we can try instead)

lil_me

You are certainly not the only one. I seem to spend all my effort working out how to spend less while my partner works to spending more!

What I've done so me and the children are not effected by this - Each week he gives me a set amount weekly to help cover joint bills etc, whatever he makes extra on top (usually a lot but hey ho I'm ok with what I get) is his to spend on whatever he wants.

He also has 2 credit cards, he can use them whenever he wants but is responsible for the bills, now he's moaning how much is on them I just say shouldn't have spent it. I've got no intention paying off what he's spent treating himself, did it for too long before, now that's not my problem!

I'm in charge of the 2 bank accounts and every other bill or expense apart from his spending. I have ALL the current account cards.

I am also a SAHM, I do have some income from tax credits etc apart from his wages. He has no issue handing over the agreed amount (ok some weeks he has a dinky moan if he wants something he can't afford) or me looking after the bills. If I relied on him to take care of it we'd be 24/7 broke.

You can work out where things are going wrong, then make suggestions how to make things better. Eventually he'll listen but be firm or like us you may end up at breaking point (we seperated before this agreement as it got so bad)

Good luck sorting things, never easy is it xx

HugoSP

That's good.

I didn't think he was spending it on another woman , but I do know of several people who spend money they don't have. I could tell you some really sad stories of poeple who simply had to buy things to make them feel better, despite being severely in debt. I suspect a number of MSEers could relate to this.

Lets look at the 90% he's spending on you and the kids. For now the 10% he's spending on himself is such a small proportion that I wouldn't worry about it, and giving him a hard time about this area of expenditure could be counter productive.

He obviously loves you and his family and wants you all to enjoy life to the full. He's obviously a lucky man and he knows it.

As a bloke, the approach that would probably work with me is to pack the kids off to your mums for the night and arrange a night in. Cook a lovely meal and enjoy it together. Gently raise the subject and expain that you do love him and so do the kids and he does a wonderful job of looking after his family. The thing that concerns you is the money he spends on you and the kids. explain that he doesn't need to do this and no one will think any less of him. You should help him to see that he is what you all need and love, and you know you've got lean times ahead so it's important to lead a more frugal life starting from now so that the shock of having a reduced income is eased.

Above all try to get him to see that the way to your heart is by spending much less money

Good grief, most of us blokes dream of a woman like that!!!!!!!

Good luck

January20

At least he is spending money on his family. It seems to me that he is trying to show how much he loves you all. Perhaps he could try and show it a different way, like spending more time with the kids, taking them to the park, etc rather than buying stuff for them. And the same with you, perhaps you could encourage him to do little things for you rather than buy you flowers and wine.

*Louise*

Ohhhh - my other half is the same - now and then he will just get 'the urge' to shop and spend money.

Usually on me or the boys though cos he likes to treat us - which makes it hard to say no to him...I manage to refuse most of the time.;)

I have taken over all the finances, and he just gets money for petrol, lunches and the like. Large purchases are discussed with me first. It's the only way or we would never get through the month.

Tops_3

Thanks guys!
Just to clarify though I don't think that DH is behaving unreasonably as such and of course I'm happy to have such a caring daddy for my kids and a lovely DH for me:D It's just that I spend HOURS trying to shave cash off the weekly shop,you know the routine~meal planning,buying value this that and the other.So I feel chuffed that I got the bill down to say £60 and saved £15 then DH comes in with a £8 bottle of wine and a £5 bunch of flowers:rolleyes: I see a top I'd like but can't bring myself to spend a tenner on it then DH rolls in saying what a lovely KFC he had for lunch despite there being plenty of bread/ham/cheese/crisps/drinks etc etc in the fridge at home.And to point out that yes I am a SAHM but with 3 kids under the age of 4 at home all day,me doing all the cleaning,shopping,cooking,washing etc etc I think it's reasonable to ask DH to make a bloomin sandwich for himself before bed!:p
And there's no "might" about the finances we'll be facing in a month or so.We are losing nearly £600 a month and things will def be tight so I just thought it'd be better to get into good spending habits now whilst we can afford the odd slip up rather than waiting till we HAD to iynwim?
I know I could have worse things to worry about but I just want to get everything sorted now so we are ready to face the drop in income.:beer: