"The best way to get something done is to begin"

Non_compos_mentis

Thanks LAM.

I guess I am not in as bad a position as having moved to a different country.

I have no doubts I will come out of this a lot stronger but what is incredibly frustrating is that the only time I was made aware of any problems was right at the end and not being given an opportunity to fix things! I have always believed that everyone deserves a second chance, and I had afforded her multiple second chances so why can't I get my first and only? Anyway, sod it! I am sleeping perfectly fine cause I know I have left no stone unturned to try and make it work, a man can't do any more than that!

On a money front, I have not really had any NSD but I am still on track to hit my targets. Payday can't come soon enough for me.

NCM

The_Green_Lady

No, don't give up on the relationship, have a plan! Work to get it back on track. When I broke up with my boyfriend I was bereft. It took me 18 months to get over it. I got myself a plan and now we're married and have been for 14 years. My plans are never instantaneous you'll see but I always get what I want. So if she is what you want go get her.

Non_compos_mentis

TGL - thank you, your post really cheered me up.

I am currently in the process of salvaging things in the short term and formulating the medium to long term plan. The only downside is that we both work stupid hours, don't live together, and limited common friends so I will need to work out an effective plan.

NCM

Domayne

I agree with LAM - It IS a grieving process and 2 years after the breakdown of my relationship - I'm STILL grieving for him/it, so unfortunately - I have no wise words of wisdom for you except, in my case my ex met someone and moved on, funny thing is she looks just like me (except slimmer ) but if he didn't, I would have never given up fighting for him and I'm just biding my time if he's ever single again (or to make myself look like an even bigger psycho than I already did xD)...or maybe I'll get over him before that happens who knows, but if you love her and you believe the relationship is worth fighting for...do it! If deep in your heart, you KNOW the relationship is not right and breaking up is the right thing to do...let her go, who knows what's waiting out there for you NCM.

Non_compos_mentis

I guess it may well be part of the grieving process. I do love her and do believe in the relationship but I will be absolutely honest, I am scared as well that things will not be the same between us because I may end up be thinking that she couldn't be bothered and it was I who fought tooth and nail for the relationship.

At the moment my personal life is a total mess, I feel I have lost all my bearings and focus. This in turn has significantly impacted on my professional life. The festive season has left me totally drained. I just need to get away from everything, sort my head out and restart again.

On the money front, I am still on track! Just over 2 weeks to payday, target for the month is as follows:

• Natwest CC 1 [STRIKE]-£933 [/STRIKE] -£902 (0% till Feb 2014)
• Barclaycard 2 [STRIKE]-£1,348[/STRIKE] -£1,288 (0% till May 2014)
• Natwest CC 2 [STRIKE]-£2,516[/STRIKE] -£2,466 (0% till April 2014)
• MBNA [STRIKE]-£5,160[/STRIKE] -£5,060 (£787 0% Nov/14; balance 6.9% LOB)
• Family loan 2 -£5,281 (0%)
• Barclaycard 1 [STRIKE]-£5,928[/STRIKE] -£5,675 (£6064 6.9% LOB; balance at 18.9%)
• Family loan 1 [STRIKE]-£12,120[/STRIKE] -£10,120 (0%)
• Total [STRIKE]-£33,286[/STRIKE] -£30,792

This is a slightly higher target and I will be dipping into my (small) emergency cash pile but we will see how it goes

NCM

LAM2011

One day at a time - easier said than done but don't let it drain you too much x

Non_compos_mentis

Thanks LAM.

Well the grieving process is well and truly over and all the plans have been abandon. The ex has explicitly told me that she deserves better than me and her happiness is well and truly away from me. I have been hearing the same message for a few weeks now, I don't think there is any point trying to win her back as it will only cause resentment.

I always believed that if you made mistakes and realised your mistakes, but so long as your heart is clean and your intentions were right, then you should be given an opportunity to rectify it. I guess it is not always true. Karma has really bitten me in the @$$ this time.

Tomorrow is a new day and an opportunity for me to start sorting out my life for the better. I will not be seeking a rebound or a new relationship just yet but I can't continue living life like the way I have been for a few weeks - grieving or no grieving.

The irony of the entire situation is that one of the things that well and truly broke the camel's back is my reaction to getting a really expensive wallet as a present from her. Wallet was worth a lot more than my entire net worth (not a big deal considering I am highly in debt, even £1 is worth more but still) and my entire emergency cash pile! :rotfl:

I have a lot to write and vent but this is not the right place so I will end this post.

Yours well and truly non-deserving,

NCM

PS: I think the choice of my username was a truly prophetic moment. For those of you not familiar, Non compos mentis is a latin term meaning "not of sound mind".

Domayne

I don't know the ins and outs of your relationship NCM - So I can't advise whether your gf IS better off without you or not or whether those were harsh words on her part, but sometimes we get so wrapped up in our own crap, that we neglect those we care about...I know I'm guilty of this with my ex, I was depressed from the time we met and hadn't yet worked on that before I could be happy with him (I was already in an unhappy 'relationship' when we met) so it just continued.
He was patient with me for four years and in hindsight, I took advantage of him and his kindness a lot and I guess eventually he had enough...this was hard to realize and accept for me though, Now he deserves to be happy...he genuinely seems to be, I hope he is and I am happy FOR him, I just wish it could have been with me...though I still don't know if I'm in the right mind frame to give him what he wants/needs.
How did all of this come to a head over a wallet?
If you want to rant/vent though, feel free...I told you I'm not the best at advice or anything, but I'm always here to listen and rant with you

Non_compos_mentis

Thanks Domayne. I have no idea what to make of the relationship and given everything that has transpired, I have decided to just give up on the relationship and move on.

It has been bleeding difficult and it has affected my work as well but I am making every effort possible to put it behind me. I am extremely lucky to have a great boss at work, my boss took me to lunch on Thursday and shared pearls of wisdom to help me through the tough time. In addition, my boss feels that I need something challenging to help me refocus on my career therefore, my boss has gotten approval for a slight change in my role. The new role is extremely challenging but exciting at the same time. If I excel in it, it will be fantastic for my career - I am looking at a massive promotion in 3 years (rather than the 5-7 year wait) which will result in at least a £10 - 15k rise. It is just the kind of role I wanted albeit a year or two earlier but I would rather have it earlier than later. I really can't wait to get stuck in.

On a money front, I am slightly behind target as I have been catching up with friends that I hadn't met for an awfully long time and did a bit of sales shopping. I have overspent this month by about £200 - £250 already and still have another 2 weeks to go! I was out yesterday and today (spent over £100) but have had such an unbelievably great time. I don't think I have laughed as much and as hard for years as I did today. I know I need to be careful with money but I would not swap the last couple of days for anything.

My best mate (who I saw today) is getting married in April but the wedding is overseas and he would really like me to go (and to be honest, I really want to go as well) but that will set me back at least £1k - 1.5k so I am not sure. I missed his stag (in Asia) due to money issues. I am also missing my other best friend's stag this weekend due to money. Sooner or later I need to sort this out as I have very few friends and I can't keep alienating them. I really don't want to be an anti-social hermit.

I think I can make the wedding trip work if I am strict with myself in 2014 but that will be hard, really hard. As in 2014 my list of things to achieve is long and expensive. The list includes: learn how to drive, stop being a workaholic and a hermit by reconnecting with my friends, find a new Mrs NCM, get fit, attend the wedding, travel to a new place.

Anyway, on a slightly more positive note, I have hit upon a brilliant business idea except the business needs some savings on my part which I obviously don't have! Story of my life! However, if I can somehow make it work then I will resolve a lot of my money troubles.

I best get going as my list of complaints is longer than my arm and I really want to be positive and upbeat about everything!

Non_compos_mentis

For anyone reading my posts, I have a question for you: would you rather be debt free sooner or rediscover happiness in your life and be debt free slightly later?