Worried about my son's behaviour

gerturdeanna

My son is 4 in September and I have a daughter who will be 2 in July. They have both been going to Nusery since they were 4 months old. For the past 3 months, my son has been violent at nursery. He has bitten the other children, smacked, scratched and slapped the other children. But today I picked him up to be told that he had punched one of the workers in the face and kicked the owner!!!! I'm really at a loss of what to do with him. I don't let him have treats if he's a naughty boy and he knows that what he is doing is wrong!! He is great at his letters and numbers etc but not too good at interacting with other people. What should I do?

TheWaltons_3

First of all, don't feel bad. Many people go through this with their younger children.

Does he display this frustration at home, towards his Sister?

Perhaps he dislikes the nursery and has learnt this behaviour from there.

chmmy

ts_aly2000 wrote: »

I recommend one of these, within which I spent a great deal of time. Could maybe help explain a few things maybe.

I am wondering what you mean? Is it a playhouse?

gerturdeanna

I'm wondering too??

Js_Other_Half

I think ts_aly2000 is suggesting she spends time in the playhouse, away from her children...?

outrageous_monkey

If he isnt like this at home, then I would want to know if anything has happened at nursery........is he playing with a different child?? He could just see it as a way of getting attention, doesnt matter if he is behaving good or not, he just wants the attention off the staff.


I wouldnt worry too much, cos I think most children will go thru a phase of one thing or another.

outrageous_monkey

Can you get play houses for adults:rotfl: I wouldnt mind escaping from mine from time to time:rotfl: :rotfl:

tiamai_d

On a serious note, have they said that they are concerned about his behavior? Or are they just letting you know what has been going on?

We always over react when we are told that our kids are not behaving in a certain way, but unless they have said that they are worried, then it is most likely a stage he is going through.

Speak to them about it, when your son is not there, helps to keep your head clear and ask if they think there is a problem. If there is then they can put you in contact with your GP for the school, or local education authority.

They will appreciate your help in tackling this, especially if it is simply a problem at the nursery, and not at home.

But then again, at home we are too close to see problems a lot of the time as we simply get used to it before we get concerned.

Take a few days to make a note of how he is, find out if there is a trigger.

gerturdeanna

He is like it at home with his little sister. This morningalready he has kicked and punched her. He's now in his room on his own.
Nusery have expressed concern over his behaviour. I've tried the naughty step, reward charts etc. I'm really at a loss of what to do!!!

tiamai_d

well, assuming that you are not a parent who thinks quality time is handing him a packet of crisps and putting a DVD on while you phone mates ect, I would have to say that you need to seek professional advice.


I don't have experience with children with behavioral problems, but having a disabled child, I am on special needs forums a lot, and yours is not the first post I have seen like this. I'm not saying he has ADHD or Asparagers or anything at all like that, but maybe it is time to find out for sure.

You have a few choices.

First you can speak to your own GP or HV about his behavior.

or

Speak to the nursery and they can arrange for the school GP to see him.

Do you feel in your heart that there is a problem or do you think its a phase? You will have an idea yourself, as hard as it may be to admit it. But you have nothing to be ashamed of, many kids do this for no reason at all.

Have you tried any of the bounty forums or other special needs forums? Special needs is not just for 'disabled' kids, its for any child who has needs a little bit different from other kids the same age, so don't be put off by the name.

Please feel free to PM me anytime.

Dawn

mishmash

HI

My son went through a very similar phase in nursery. I was horrified about his behaviour. I went to the G.P and was told he was just being a boy! I asked the nursery to keep a diary of his behaviour ( good and bad) so we could work out a trigger and reward of punish him.

What I learned was that the nursery only listed bad behaviour, and I did not think a child could go a whole term without doing 1 nice or good thing. While I knew he was challenging I also knew he could be very kind and was good at sharing. He was also a bright little boy.

After a bit of digging I thought he may have a learning difficulty or similar, unfortunatly the nursery said he was just naughty. Eventually I paid a private educational phsycologist (she had previously been the head Ed Pshyc for a local authority) and she said he had dyspraxia and a very high I.Q. She gave lots of advice about helping him and understanding him at home and at school.

I really understand how you may be feeling, I remeber feeling like a total failure. Can you use a book between you and the nursery with the focus ( as much as possible on good behaviour) but so he knows there is a link between you and nursery. Maybe if he gets so many good reports or stars in his book he gets a treat, going to the park.

My son is 12 now and he did grow out of it, although I know that will not make you feel any better just now.

Have you any parenting support workers, sure start or similar ( your health visitor may know) they may be able to advise you.

Mish