2 funerals same day miles apart

oliveoil99

Really don't know what to do I would really like to attend both funerals but they are on the same day 90 miles apart 1 is my ex mother in law the other a dear friend, one is local to me but the other would be a long coach ride as I don't have transport - apart from teleporting I will have to miss one, anyone else had this dilemma?

gardner1

oliveoil99 wrote: »

Really don't know what to do I would really like to attend both funerals but they are on the same day 90 miles apart 1 is my ex mother in law the other a dear friend, one is local to me but the other would be a long coach ride as I don't have transport - apart from teleporting I will have to miss one, anyone else had this dilemma?

I would go to dear friends if I were in your shoes

duchy

I think if I wanted to go to both equally then I'd think about if one was likely to be better attended than the other and choose the more sparsely attended one as for me funerals are designed to give comfort to the living.

Broadwood

If the cost of getting to the distant funeral is an issue then I would go to the local one. If the cost doesn't matter then I would attend the funeral of a dear friend.

Your decision might be different if you still had a good relationship with your ex m-i-l.

If you equally want to attend both and distance and cost is irrelevant then you might need a third party to toss a coin.

oliveoil99

duchy wrote: »

I think if I wanted to go to both equally then I'd think about if one was likely to be better attended than the other and choose the more sparsely attended one as for me funerals are designed to give comfort to the living.

Ex mother-in-law is the local one and will be the least attended she was in a nursing home for many years most her family and friends have passed away so can't see many people there and I know I will be missed as I have always visited her through the years although she did forget who I was many years ago as she had dementia. I keep changing my mind and will have to toss a coin as that coach ticket will have to be booked. :-(

duchy

I think a dear friend would understand why you weren't there in the circumstances.

jackyann

I did manage to go to 2 funerals on the same day - very different and both etched on my mind for different reasons.
Very emotional and I wouldn't do it again.
Should I have to choose, I would look at the other people attending - who would most need your support? who would be most pleased to see you there?
I would also think about my own emotions - this time next year, which would I most want to be looking back at?
Finally, either decide on the cheapest or toss a coin!

And yes, make sure the other mourners know why you aren't there.

NAR

You obviously had a good relationship with ex MIL and I think that is the funeral you should attend.
A phone call followed by a sympathy card will explain to your friend's family why you are unable to attend that funeral.

Armchair23

This is always going to sound a bit harsh, but it won't matter to either of them.
So follow your heart and go to the funeral that you really feel you need to be at
There doesn't need to be any logic involved, just do what feels right.

My condolences.

oliveoil99

Armchair23 wrote: »

This is always going to sound a bit harsh, but it won't matter to either of them.
So follow your heart and go to the funeral that you really feel you need to be at
There doesn't need to be any logic involved, just do what feels right.

My condolences.

Tossed a coin so will be attending friends funeral, have decided to visit the chapel of rest to say my goodbyes to ex mil.

sharnad

I would go to the local funeral that is going to have the least attendees. It's always sad when they aren't many people there. If you were close to mil that is. I'm sure the friends family would understand your non attendance more