a better future for my children

susieanne

I have gone back to studying got a place at uni because I want a better future for my children . I worried before I started would I be able to cope with the work , the work is the least of my worry's its the students . Im late 30s and everyone on my course are all aged between 19-25 . Im struggling to fit in and I feel that having these feelings at my age takes me back to school . I am a fairly confident person but although people will Speke to me say hello bye etc its as though they think im old and don't really make a lot of conversation with me. I thought of packing the course in but then I think of my future and what would I do job wise if I did .

Phoenix7

Are you doing the course for the qualification and the prospects at the end of it or the conversation? I can imagine it must be difficult when the other students don't really talk to you but unless the interaction with them is an integral part of the course, then I'd just keep my head down and remember why I was doing the course in the first place.

pukkamum

When I was at college there was a mature student same ages as you've described.
She looked at her college life as a means to an end not a social experience as us younger ones did.
She was friendly and once we'd got over feeling like our mums were in class with us, immature I know, we would chat quite happily with her.
She woud ask what we had been up to at the weekend and we would regale her with tales of drunken nights etc which she found hilarious.
She never got involved in nights out etc she did her study and went home that was it she understandably didn't expect to be part of the social scene.
Basically I think it's about finding your role within the group, being open friendly without being judgmental efc.

susieanne

Thank you exactly right what both of you are saying I am a single mum and im there for the qualification and a job at the end of it . The younger girls arnt to bothered about if they get a job or not (that's what there telling me ) To me this course is every thing I suppose my last chance to improve my life . I do keep reminding myself why im doing it , its just hard sometimes when I feel I don't fit in . I suppose its early days yet ive got another 3 years .

tea_lover

Are there a lot of people on your course? Was thinking if you have seminars or tutorials in smaller groups that could be a good chance to get to know a few people a bit better.

Ames

I'm a mature student, and the 'kids' on my course are driving me potty.

They have some kind of 'work to rule' system, where as soon as the clock hits five to they down pens, even if the lecturer's still talking. They look all studious in lectures behind their macbooks, except that they're on facebook or whatever. They turn up late to lectures. The tutors are constantly having to post messages about poor attendance to the class website. Last week half my class had misread 'there's no reading week' as 'there's no reading'.

The thing that I really don't get about it is that they're paying 9k a year, you'd think they'd want to get their money's worth!

Buttonmoons

Im in the awkward age in my class, I'm 26, and everyone else is either late 30's/40s or 18-20, but the thing is, I just mix with everyone and involve myself. I have a "group' of friends at college and the older ones come out drinking with us when we arrange stuff, they are good fun, and also a mother like me!

It is hard as a single mum juggling things, but even if you try and organise an Xmas night out (perfect oppurtunity) get a babysitter, and go and let your hair down, It will give you something to chat about with the others, and you'll probably really hit it off with a few people.

Errata

You may start to get on with the other students but you'll never 'fit in'. You're old enough to be their mum and that's how they see you.
Keep you head down, roll your sleeves up and crack on. If they want to waste their time at college that's their business, all you have to do is keep your eye on the ball.

BigSqueezy

I had a similar problem when I went studied my Msc. In the end I found two people who I got on well with, and let the 'cool' kids do their thing.

It always amazed me, people who would choose a course and then show up late to, or even skip a whole lecture, because they didnt like the subject. Choose a different course then dummy. Anyway rant over. I hope you find a group of people

duchy

EDIT Whoops I read this as you're already at uni but this is pre-uni NVQ or similar isn't it ? Is it a year's course or two ? I assume it isn't access as the age range would be wider . A lot of the advice below applies to college as well as uni especially the bit about seeking out other mature students who will share your attitude -but we found when my son went to college that with this having to stay in education stuff going on a lot of students are simply killing time at college because they don't know what else to do...... makes group work really irritating sometimes but the most annoying will have dropped out by Christmas

Errata wrote: »

You may start to get on with the other students but you'll never 'fit in'. You're old enough to be their mum and that's how they see you.
Keep you head down, roll your sleeves up and crack on. If they want to waste their time at college that's their business, all you have to do is keep your eye on the ball.

What utter rubbish !

I'm in my first year of a degree course I'm one of the oldest students on the course in my early fifties. It's my second time around as a mature student as I had to drop out due to family illness when I was in my thirties.

It is early days -the first term in the first year. Over this year some people will drop out -others will realize they need to settle down to work and the atmosphere becomes far more about the work than about the socializing anyway.

In some of my modules some of the students are incredibly immature -others very focused and just get on with things (these are generally the quieter and less noticable ones) . However this is uni not school. Many students have their closest friends on other courses in entirely different fields -there WILL be other students in the same situation as the OP who she will have more in common with -but they are harder to identify as they like her are juggling family with study so don't hang around to be visable and need a bit of tracking down. I'd suggest the OP checks out the mature students society-every uni has one, also identify the second year students -in many cases they will have the better attitude to their studies she's looking for.

I mix with everyone - the 18/19 year olds (and yes some are very immature) those in their twenties -who are there because they choose to be not just because their parents expect it so are more focused ...and older students- not all are on my course or even studying the same field and I've met through an event (like a mature student get together ...if your uni doesn't have one - organize one yourself -the SU will help you do it and even fund it) or just through a chance conversation over coffee in a uni snack bar. Once you meet one or two older students-you meet their friends and suddenly you realize you aren't the only one by any means- just that they don't "hang out" for hours as they too have homes and kids to get back to. Just make the effort to talk to people -and don't feel the students on your modules are the only ones you can mix with ! Take a leaf from the book of the students in halls -often their "best" friends are those they live with -the random students they share a flat in halls with on entirely different courses.... rather than those they share lectures or seminars with.

Ultimately of course your focus is and must be your degree but you WILL find people with the same mindset who you have things in common with too. Us mature students are just busier so don't always jump straight out at you

You'll find for every 18 year old who dismisses you as "old" there are several who envy how together you seem compared to them and will even want to ask your advice as you seem more mature and have your act worked out . Most eighteen year olds aren't nearly as confident at uni as they appear-it's a huge new step for them too and the less mature ones cling to the herd for protection

Please don't believe you won't ever fit in ...... It is early days and you will find your niche and good friends-I promise !

Errata

What utter rubbish !

Thank you, you've argued my case very succesfully,