Wake up call time

DilbertJones

Sorry if I sound harsh here....

Sounds like your friends are not true friends if they do not understand, or cannot understand, also you boyfriend should be helping you out here by staying in with you or taking you out (and paying) on occasions. If he's not the one then fine, dont worry about it, live your life & move on. (debt free )

Broke_Kitty

DilbertJones wrote: »

Sorry if I sound harsh here....

Sounds like your friends are not true friends if they do not understand, or cannot understand, also you boyfriend should be helping you out here by staying in with you or taking you out (and paying) on occasions. If he's not the one then fine, dont worry about it, live your life & move on. (debt free )

It makes it sound like they and him are terrible, but honestly that's not the case. I know my friends would miss me if I disappeared, but I don't think they'd be fantastic at finding alternative things to do.

My boyfriend helps me out, he lends me money when I can't afford things or risk getting bank charges etc, but in a way I guess he's doing me a kindness by expecting me to fend for myself. Imagine if I was relying on someone else's money as well as my own, I'd be even more ignorant to the problem than I have been thus far!

He is just very stuck in his routines and what he enjoys, and I guess I am too. I will talk to him this weekend, though, especially when it comes to not going for meals before the cinema anymore. I guess I feel harsh taking away something I know he looks forward to so I've mentioned it a few times but never really pushed.

MrsGSR

Broke_Kitty wrote: »

I'm just worried about the reality of having no social interaction at all because I don't go out to see my friends anymore. In the old days it wasn't so bad because we would all go round to someone's house, and just have a glass of wine or what have you, but everybody got less and less inclined to have people over as we got older so now we do all of that in the pub instead and it costs a lot more. I am seriously considering just driving and not drinking instead though, because I understand that this is my main problem spending wise.

But you can still have social interaction! Just think outside the box and do different things that don't involve always going to the pub.
If you really, REALLY want to make a change and get rid of these debts you really need to make some sacrifices. You don't have to stay in you can still go out you just need to be a bit more inventive with what you do.
Sadly some people cannot deal with change though and in my experience those people aren't terribly good friends if they can't support change and their friends.
My group of friends are quite affluent, I am not. They don't have a problem with that and it doesn't hinder our friendship. I may not be able to afford the things that they do and they do gently poke fun at my frugal ways but they accept it (and have even started shopping in poundland :rotfl:)

Broke_Kitty

MrsGSR wrote: »

But you can still have social interaction! Just think outside the box and do different things that don't involve always going to the pub.
If you really, REALLY want to make a change and get rid of these debts you really need to make some sacrifices. You don't have to stay in you can still go out you just need to be a bit more inventive with what you do.
Sadly some people cannot deal with change though and in my experience those people aren't terribly good friends if they can't support change and their friends.
My group of friends are quite affluent, I am not. They don't have a problem with that and it doesn't hinder our friendship. I may not be able to afford the things that they do and they do gently poke fun at my frugal ways but they accept it (and have even started shopping in poundland :rotfl:)

I guess I just need to have a chat with everyone, part of it might just be them not fully realising the extent of the problem! Which is understandable since I didn't really realise it myself (deliberately sticking my head in the sand).

Okay so this afternoon I have:
Cancelled the lottery altogether
Downgraded my bank account, with a view to upgrading it to a cheaper account than I had before on Monday, which will cover me for mobile phone insurance and breakdown cover for £9.95 a month (good value when iphone insurance is generally £6.99 and wouldn't cover my two year old phone anyway!).
Cancelled my overdraft. If the buffer isn't there, I can't spend it. Whenever I log into internet banking I won't see an unrealistic 'available balance', and it can't be taken away from me and leave me in trouble.

I'm going to stay in tonight, unless somebody specifically invites me to the pub, in which case I'm going to drive and only drink blackcurrent and soda (cheaper than buying a coke, less boring than buying a water ).
Tomorrow night it's a friend's birthday, so I will have a few drinks, and keep my spending on drinking to a 'special occasions only' basis.

I'll have a chat to my boyfriend tonight or tomorrow about the amount of food we get that we could be making ourselves and saving money.

I also did some research, and read that a single tooth denture is a thing that exists and only costs up to £240 on the NHS, why I was never offered this I do NOT know, but I have this information available now to go in armed with when I see the specialist I've been referred to next month. I will ask if there is any valid reason why it was never suggested to me as an option. I would much rather pay £240 + whatever an extraction costs than £2k that I have no way of affording.

MrsGSR

Broke_Kitty wrote: »

I guess I just need to have a chat with everyone, part of it might just be them not fully realising the extent of the problem! Which is understandable since I didn't really realise it myself (deliberately sticking my head in the sand).

Okay so this afternoon I have:
Cancelled the lottery altogether
Downgraded my bank account, with a view to upgrading it to a cheaper account than I had before on Monday, which will cover me for mobile phone insurance and breakdown cover for £9.95 a month (good value when iphone insurance is generally £6.99 and wouldn't cover my two year old phone anyway!).
Cancelled my overdraft. If the buffer isn't there, I can't spend it. Whenever I log into internet banking I won't see an unrealistic 'available balance', and it can't be taken away from me and leave me in trouble.

I'm going to stay in tonight, unless somebody specifically invites me to the pub, in which case I'm going to drive and only drink blackcurrent and soda (cheaper than buying a coke, less boring than buying a water ).
Tomorrow night it's a friend's birthday, so I will have a few drinks, and keep my spending on drinking to a 'special occasions only' basis.

I'll have a chat to my boyfriend tonight or tomorrow about the amount of food we get that we could be making ourselves and saving money.

I also did some research, and read that a single tooth denture is a thing that exists and only costs up to £240 on the NHS, why I was never offered this I do NOT know, but I have this information available now to go in armed with when I see the specialist I've been referred to next month. I will ask if there is any valid reason why it was never suggested to me as an option. I would much rather pay £240 + whatever an extraction costs than £2k that I have no way of affording.

Good start! Well done you, sounds like you are waking up and you know what you need to do

honey10

Broke_Kitty wrote: »

Statement of Affairs and Personal Balance Sheet

Monthly Income Details
Monthly income after tax................ 1150
Partners monthly income after tax....... 0
Benefits................................ 0
Other income............................ 0
Total monthly income.................... 1150

Monthly Expense Details
Mortgage................................ 0
Secured/HP loan repayments.............. 0
Rent.................................... 0
Management charge (leasehold property).. 0
Council tax............................. 0
Electricity............................. 0
Gas..................................... 0
Oil..................................... 0
Water rates............................. 0
Telephone (land line)................... 0
Mobile phone............................ 12.8
TV Licence.............................. 0
Satellite/Cable TV...................... 0
Internet Services....................... 0
Groceries etc. ......................... 90
Clothing................................ 0
Petrol/diesel........................... 90
Road tax................................ 16 Is your car tax actually £192 for the year? I'm wondering if this is too much or not enough?
Car Insurance........................... 53.15
Car maintenance (including MOT)......... 0
Car parking............................. 0
Other travel............................ 52 whats this?
Childcare/nursery....................... 0
Other child related expenses............ 0
Medical (prescriptions, dentist etc).... 36.7 if this is for prescriptions then have you considered prepaying? if its for dental, have you considered joing westfield or a scheme like it?
Pet insurance/vet bills................. 0
Buildings insurance..................... 0
Contents insurance...................... 0
Life assurance ......................... 0
Other insurance......................... 0
Presents (birthday, christmas etc)...... 0
Haircuts................................ 0
Entertainment........................... 9
Holiday................................. 0
Emergency fund.......................... 0
Lottery................................. 8
Bank Account Fee........................ 25 glad to see this has gone now :-)
The below stuff is over 20% of your monthly wage. This is silly.
Meals at work........................... 65
Cinema.................................. 25
Drinking Out............................ 130
Eating Out.............................. 65
Total monthly expenses.................. 677.65


Assets
Cash.................................... 0
House value (Gross)..................... 0
Shares and bonds........................ 0
Car(s).................................. 0
Other assets............................ 0
Total Assets............................ 0

No Secured nor Hire Purchase Debts

Unsecured Debts
Description....................Debt......Monthly...APR
Personal Loan..................4587.63...135.......22.8
Barclay Card...................2719.64...65........0
Virgin Card....................3224......35........0
Dental Payment.................2493.26...226.......0
Total unsecured debts..........13024.53..461.......-


Monthly Budget Summary
Total monthly income.................... 1,150
Expenses (including HP & secured debts). 677.65
Available for debt repayments........... 472.35
Monthly UNsecured debt repayments....... 461
Amount left after debt repayments....... 11.35

Personal Balance Sheet Summary
Total assets (things you own)........... 0 your car is an asset, could you possibly downgrade and throw the cash at debts?
Total HP & Secured debt................. -0
Total Unsecured debt.................... -13,024.53
Net Assets.............................. -13,024.53

I've put a few pointers/questions on your SoA.

I think your boyfriend is being incredibly selfish, and if it wasn't for his insistence to go out every time you see each other, then you would be able to clear your debts much quicker. Cosy nights in with a nice meal and a film are the best part of a relationship in my opinion.
When my hubby and I first met, we had to meet in hotels to see each other, and given that neither of us was working, it meant we had to talk to each other, stay in with a film (dvd brought from home) and a takeaway (for obvious reasons) plus snacks and dessert that was homemade. I really think it made us the couple we are now and 5 years later we still do the same thing, minus the hotel.

You say your mum is away alot, so maybe try to utilise the time shes away to have girly nights in, trashy dvd's, junk food, wine etc, throw in a face pack or two and if you all split it, then its a great night in for less than £5.

I think the bottom line is that you cannot continue how you are. You said yourself that you were living on credit, and with a decent take home wage, with no real outgoings, you should not be doing this. If you cant take control of this, you will never be able to afford to move out on your own. Sorry if you think I'm being harsh, but on your wage, people can run a house, a car and still have money left over.

foxgloves

Kitty, I can't advise on your dentistry, but can only tell you what happened to me. I had a deep filling which failed & the pain was excruciating. No pain killers would touch it. Went back to my dentist who explained the options. These were to re-do the filling' which he said had a high chance of failure, or to extract the tooth. If I didn't like the gap, he explained about having a single replacement tooth on a 'bridge'. I had the extraction, which cost about £20. The gap is not at the front, doesn't show when I smile, so I have left it as it is. The relief when I got rid of that searing toothache was unbelievable. We are all different, but my partner & I were in the middle of paying off our sizeable debt (30k at their worst) & sticking 2k of dental bills onto that just could not have been an option. I deliberately mention that our debts were 30k, because we both also started living beyond our means when we were young (about 19) & what happens if you don't take yourself in hand & make some serious attitude changes towards money, is that the debt total keeps on growing.....& growing. I so wish I'd started tackling this at your age, instead of my 40s. I really hope you can nip it in the bud now. You are mostly frittering money away on non-essentials. These can easily be cut when you have truly accepted that you are ready to change. There is no situation in life that is improved by being in debt. You wanted a kick up the bum.....that's one from me! There is no shame in going to the pub & making one drink last all night. There IS shame in buying drinks when you have no money (you owe £11k, so effectively the money you are now spending already belongs to somebody else!)

Broke_Kitty

honey10 wrote: »

I've put a few pointers/questions on your SoA.

I think your boyfriend is being incredibly selfish, and if it wasn't for his insistence to go out every time you see each other, then you would be able to clear your debts much quicker. Cosy nights in with a nice meal and a film are the best part of a relationship in my opinion.
When my hubby and I first met, we had to meet in hotels to see each other, and given that neither of us was working, it meant we had to talk to each other, stay in with a film (dvd brought from home) and a takeaway (for obvious reasons) plus snacks and dessert that was homemade. I really think it made us the couple we are now and 5 years later we still do the same thing, minus the hotel.

You say your mum is away alot, so maybe try to utilise the time shes away to have girly nights in, trashy dvd's, junk food, wine etc, throw in a face pack or two and if you all split it, then its a great night in for less than £5.

I think the bottom line is that you cannot continue how you are. You said yourself that you were living on credit, and with a decent take home wage, with no real outgoings, you should not be doing this. If you cant take control of this, you will never be able to afford to move out on your own. Sorry if you think I'm being harsh, but on your wage, people can run a house, a car and still have money left over.

My car tax is £96 for 6 months or £175 for the full year, I buy it six monthly twice a year which is £192. I'm due to pay it again in January and I think I'll pay the full year just to make a small saving.

Other travel is money spent on parking (I avoid parking in pay and display carparks as much as possible, but the town I live in has very limited places you can avoid this so I do have to a few times a month) and taxis, as well as travel to work when I have to go to our other site 30 miles away (I don't count this as 'my' petrol because I wouldn't choose to spend it myself). I'm working on getting my work expenses back if possible.

Medical is contact lenses and my Simply Health policy, which I'm thinking of cancelling as all I do is claim back my contact lense costs and some of my dental fees.

I've done a budget and got:
Meals at work down to £21.65 (buying ingredients to make a week of food each week instead)
Drinking out to £80 tops a month, which I think is achievable and a good start for me to aim for (I have to be realistic, if I told myself to stop going out altogether it just wouldn't happen)
Eating out I'm going to try to keep to £20 a month, and treat myself only once per week. I think that is achievable too, and I can still have date night

If I were to sell my car, I'd have to throw the spare cash at my dad, who bought it for me. I actually saved quite a bit per month on insurance and tax when I upgraded from my cheap, old car, so I feel like I'm better off paying him back when I am debt free. Although I think this is something I would consider, I don't really know anything about cars. I don't exactly have a top of the range car.

Sorry I probably should have said my mum WAS away a lot, she used to go out of the country for long stretches to visit her boyfriend, and towards the end of his life cared for him full time, but sadly he passed away a few months ago, so she is back now and obviously her trips over there to visit friends will be a lot less frequent now he's gone.

foxgloves wrote: »

Kitty, I can't advise on your dentistry, but can only tell you what happened to me. I had a deep filling which failed & the pain was excruciating. No pain killers would touch it. Went back to my dentist who explained the options. These were to re-do the filling' which he said had a high chance of failure, or to extract the tooth. If I didn't like the gap, he explained about having a single replacement tooth on a 'bridge'. I had the extraction, which cost about £20. The gap is not at the front, doesn't show when I smile, so I have left it as it is. The relief when I got rid of that searing toothache was unbelievable. We are all different, but my partner & I were in the middle of paying off our sizeable debt (30k at their worst) & sticking 2k of dental bills onto that just could not have been an option. I deliberately mention that our debts were 30k, because we both also started living beyond our means when we were young (about 19) & what happens if you don't take yourself in hand & make some serious attitude changes towards money, is that the debt total keeps on growing.....& growing. I so wish I'd started tackling this at your age, instead of my 40s. I really hope you can nip it in the bud now. You are mostly frittering money away on non-essentials. These can easily be cut when you have truly accepted that you are ready to change. There is no situation in life that is improved by being in debt. You wanted a kick up the bum.....that's one from me! There is no shame in going to the pub & making one drink last all night. There IS shame in buying drinks when you have no money (you owe £11k, so effectively the money you are now spending already belongs to somebody else!)

Thank you The problem with having a gap is I think I'd have to stop my invisalign treatment, I wouldn't get any of the money back, and I'd still have a jaw problem that causes me headaches on a daily basis. I am gonna inquire about dentures though, since they are so much cheaper.

Broke_Kitty

I have done an updated SOA to reflect me changing my ways, I know I can improve on the £146.50 surplus, but it's better than nothing, and better than it was, and something extra I can chuck at my debt each month. I guess it would be wise to perhaps round it down to £140 and put the £6.50 in my savings account for car maintenance, etc?

Statement of Affairs and Personal Balance Sheet

Monthly Income Details
Monthly income after tax................ 1150
Partners monthly income after tax....... 0
Benefits................................ 0
Other income............................ 0
Total monthly income.................... 1150

Monthly Expense Details
Mortgage................................ 0
Secured/HP loan repayments.............. 0
Rent.................................... 0
Management charge (leasehold property).. 0
Council tax............................. 0
Electricity............................. 0
Gas..................................... 0
Oil..................................... 0
Water rates............................. 0
Telephone (land line)................... 0
Mobile phone............................ 12.8
TV Licence.............................. 0
Satellite/Cable TV...................... 0
Internet Services....................... 0
Groceries etc. ......................... 90
Clothing................................ 0
Petrol/diesel........................... 90
Road tax................................ 16
Car Insurance........................... 53.15
Car maintenance (including MOT)......... 0
Car parking............................. 0
Other travel............................ 52
Childcare/nursery....................... 0
Other child related expenses............ 0
Medical (prescriptions, dentist etc).... 36.7
Pet insurance/vet bills................. 0
Buildings insurance..................... 0
Contents insurance...................... 0
Life assurance ......................... 0
Other insurance......................... 0
Presents (birthday, christmas etc)...... 0
Haircuts................................ 0
Entertainment........................... 9
Holiday................................. 0
Emergency fund.......................... 0
(Unnamed monthly expense)............... 0
Bank Account Fee........................ 9.95
Meals at work........................... 21.65
Cinema.................................. 25
Drinking Out............................ 86.6
Eating Out.............................. 21.65
Total monthly expenses.................. 524.5


Assets
Cash.................................... 0
House value (Gross)..................... 0
Shares and bonds........................ 0
Car(s).................................. 0
Other assets............................ 0
Total Assets............................ 0

No Secured nor Hire Purchase Debts

Unsecured Debts
Description....................Debt......Monthly...APR
Personal Loan..................4587.63...135.......22.8
Barclay Card...................2719.64...54........0
Virgin Card....................3224......64........0
Dental Payment.................2493.26...226.......0
Total unsecured debts..........13024.53..479.......-


Monthly Budget Summary
Total monthly income.................... 1,150
Expenses (including HP & secured debts). 524.5
Available for debt repayments........... 625.5
Monthly UNsecured debt repayments....... 479
Amount left after debt repayments....... 146.5

Personal Balance Sheet Summary
Total assets (things you own)........... 0
Total HP & Secured debt................. -0
Total Unsecured debt.................... -13,024.53
Net Assets.............................. -13,024.53

harrys_dad

Well done OP, you are getting there. Have you considered showing this thread to your boyfriend this weekend?