Just discovered the extent of partner's debt. Help me.

hs122 · 11 November 2013 at 7:36PM

I have already paid £190 deposit and there is £780 left to pay by March. It is a week all inclusive in Spain so flights, transfers, hotels, meals drinks etc all paid for so won't need to take much spending money which is why we chose it.
I will get together a statement of affairs now and post it.
Thanks everyone, I've found it all really helpful already. It's made me realise that it's not as bad as I first thought as well!

cte1111 · 11 November 2013 at 7:40PM

If I were you, I would cancel the holiday and put the money towards the debts.

However, if you are going to make any real headway, your partner needs to have what they call his light bulb moment, e.g. he needs to commit to leaving within your means, repaying the debts and not running up any more.

It sounds like he's quite comfortable being in debt, this would worry me. You need to sit down together and work out a plan to repay the debts whilst still keeping your heads afloat.

LannieDuck · 11 November 2013 at 8:14PM

Don't use your savings to pay off his debts - you'll need it to pay for food while you're on mat leave. Plus it sounds as if your partner would only use it as a reason to start overspending a bit more once the pressure of the overdraft is lifted.

He has a problem with money. It sounds as if he may have been brought up to think it's ok to live on credit, and that debt is normal. Be very, very careful about linking your accounts / credit to him before he gets this under control.

I'm afraid there's not a lot you can do to help him until he's ready to sort it himself. It's going to need him to change his habits, and trying to make someone else do that when they don't think they need to is almost impossible. He needs to be the one posting on here really, not you (although you're obviously very welcome here for support!).

Once he starts to help himself, that's the time to offer to help pay off some of the capital so he can make progress. How you can make someone realise the extent of their problem and have their 'light bulb moment' (LBM) is something that perhaps others on this forum are better placed to help with.

thatwilldo · 11 November 2013 at 8:30PM

I think many of the posts on here shown the different attitudes to money/debt. It is very easy tonbuild up debt through day to day living without a proper budget that is stuck to, this is your starting point for me.

I would keep your holiday, as a parent I know the value of this and it will be good for you both.

In terms of linking accounts etc I did this with my wife when we first met and she had a hefty overdraft. I have always been ok with money and we both worked together to sort this and get a budget we both worked to.

You need to think about what will work for both of you. If you keep things separate then of course your partner could build up more debt without your knowledge. That said, joint finances/accounts could hamper your credit rating. Think carefully about what you need to do, take your time and start with the small things like the budget and take it from there.

matttye · 11 November 2013 at 8:35PM

The idea of paying off (credit card) debt with savings is that it then releases some of the credit.

So if you paid £1k off a credit card using savings, you'd be able to use the £1k on the credit card in an emergency - but if the need doesn't arise, you at least will be paying less interest on the card.

That said, it's his debt. I don't see why you should pay it off with your savings.

thatwilldo · 11 November 2013 at 8:40PM

It is your partners debt but at some point in your relationship you will need to think as a team. Remember you will be on mat leave and he will be the main earner. This is a time for trust and to work as a team, unfortunately no matter what is said you will be affected to a degree by his current debts.

Katzen · 11 November 2013 at 8:53PM

If he has told you that he is making all his payments but that one card is about to reach its limit through interest? Minimum payments are set to pay off all charges plus a few % of balance. If he's not spending on the cards then it shouldn't be possible for the amount to be increasing. Therefore hi story doesn't ring true, which would make me very wary of paying off his debts. I would expect that if you did that he would get himself back in the same place again, or worse you find out he's got lots more debt and your savings have barely touched it so you're no better off but now have no cash for food etc. Sorry to put such a miserable slant on it but it might be true. On the plus side, you seem to have your head screwed on and a lovely baby coming, you will be fine!

hs122 · 11 November 2013 at 8:54PM

So I have got together a statement of affairs. I earn per hour whereas DP is salaried so my wages change each month depending on exactly what hours I have done, so I have given what I would say is a rough average, although my last two wages have been significantly higher due to putting in a lot of extra hours in the weeks leading up to my qualifying week to make sure I get the max amount of mat pay possible.

Partner: 1200
Me: 850
total income: 2050
Rent – 525
Council tax – 135
Gas/electric – 55
Water – 20
Car – 204
Insurance – 62
Sky (phone/TV/internet) – 67
Mobile phone – 37
My monthly train pass – £78
Credit cards - £135
Cineworld unlimited cards - £31
Bed/wardrobe finance - £33
Petrol - £130
£1512

So this should leave us with £460 spare to spend on food and other things, as well as savings. I try to put 250 a month away into savings.

hs122 · 11 November 2013 at 8:56PM

Katzen wrote: »

If he has told you that he is making all his payments but that one card is about to reach its limit through interest? Minimum payments are set to pay off all charges plus a few % of balance. If he's not spending on the cards then it shouldn't be possible for the amount to be increasing. Therefore hi story doesn't ring true, which would make me very wary of paying off his debts. I would expect that if you did that he would get himself back in the same place again, or worse you find out he's got lots more debt and your savings have barely touched it so you're no better off but now have no cash for food etc. Sorry to put such a miserable slant on it but it might be true. On the plus side, you seem to have your head screwed on and a lovely baby coming, you will be fine!

I went on his barclaycard accounts online tonight and looked at his statements and he hasn't spent anything on it for months from before we found out I was pregnant, so I know it's true that he hasn't been using them at all.