Real-life MMD: Should I make homemade presents that won't be appreciated?

TBagpuss

It would be rude to deliberately give them something you know they won't like, but that doesn't mean you should give them vouchers/cash.

AS PPs have said, you could suggest that adults don't exchange gifts this year, or some form of secret santa so that each person buys a gift for one person, not for 5-6 people. It is still early enough that you can do this .

or get more creative in what you give - your Brothers-in Law might not appreciate 'crafty' things, but think about (for instance) home made fudge, truffles, jam, marmalade, chutney - these are all things which they may find a use for, even if it to offer to visitors at their own homes over Christmas.

The other thing you could do is to agree a set budget with your husband of £X per person, and then let your husband get what he wants for his family within that budget, and you get what you want for your side of the family with the same budget -you may well find that you can manage 'better' gifts if you are spending your budget on ingredients / materials for home made gifts, but if your husband is absolutely sure that nothing but cash will do for him family then let him give that, provided it is within your budget.

I don't think that 'fairness' requires you to spend esxactly the same on eveyone - however, I do think you need to consider the specific individuals - if your brother (for instance) would really prefer cash/vouchers but will appreciate a a box of home made biscuits, then i think would be unfair to give him biscuits and give your husband's brothers cash/vouchers, justs because they may be ruder about expressing their feelings. On the other hand, if our sister would really love a pair of hand-knitted gloves then I don't think there is anything unfair in spending less on her and using the extra for someone else - fairness can be as much about giving everyone gifts that will be enjoyed equally as it is about spending exactly the same amount of money.

Stuart5029

If your Brothers-in-law wouldn't appreciate something like sloe gin or plum brandy are they going to appreciate anything you buy them?
If they are aware of your financial status they should be telling you not to bother with expensive presents this year.
Hand-made presents are always received with pleasure in our family no matter how much money is available & trouble taken to make them mean they are special.

Have a very nice Christmas & a happy New year.

Ebenezer_Screwj

The true spirit of Christmas has been warped by commercialism and sheer acquisitiveness. Your home made presents sounds an excellent idea and if anyone dares to suggest that they are unacceptable then they should not receive anything. In the words of my late father - "Christmas is now the season of gross over-indulgence and false bonhomie."

ifan.goch

Talent wrote: »

Buy all your little gifts from charity shops. Only buy small cheap ones and you don't have to be too choosy. Put a note in the gift stating which charity benefitted and that 'you know it will be appreciated'.
Merry Christmas.

I don't know what the charity shops are like around your way, but here the stuff is often more expensive than buying the same item new in the shops.

fatpiggy

Ebenezer_Screwj wrote: »

The true spirit of Christmas has been warped by commercialism and sheer acquisitiveness. Your home made presents sounds an excellent idea and if anyone dares to suggest that they are unacceptable then they should not receive anything. In the words of my late father - "Christmas is now the season of gross over-indulgence and false bonhomie."

Couldn't agree with you more! To me Christmas is when people eat too much, drink too much and spend too much and then spend the next 364 days moaning how much they ate, drank and spent!

rallp54

Spot on! Been there, done that, and it's great!

sparr wrote: »

Please please please be brave and suggest to everyone that you stop this ridiculous ritual of buying each other presents - we did this years ago with brothers and sisters and cousins and then finally with friends. We still bought for nephews and nieces and children of close friends until they were 18 and our parents of course. The world did not come to an end. No money wasted and nobody disappointed - bliss! Go on - you can do it!

chrissibug

In the past I did the same. I bought glasses and handpainted them. If your good, no-one will even though you didn't buy them coz there are lots of handmade products about that cost 3-4 times as much as it will cost you to make. As long as you have the time, go ahead. I admit in the past there were a few males that I wouldn't have given homemade presents to, however most people like chocolate or sweets and if you made them a candy tree even if they don't appreciate the time that went into it, I am sure if they have not been given one before they would be impressed by it. If they are not then they are not worth worrying about. You shouldn't have to spend a fortune as long as you have put some thought into it and given someone a present they have some use for. Personalising a mug would also be a good idea for men.

nashly

We only get something for nieces and nephews until they are 18 and quite frankly we would like to stop getting those under 18 anything for Christmas and birthdays as they are extremely ungrateful, not once have we received a thank you. Our 2 children ring or write to everyone who gives them a gift to say thanks. We have several great nieces and nephews but have drawn the line at buying for them as well as potentially there could be dozens of them!! I love the idea of giving and receiving home made presents but can see that some recipients would not appreciate the time, effort and thought over the no thought expensive tat (I suspect that a fair few members of my family fall into that category). In this case I would let the entire family know that this year is going to be an old fashioned Christmas with home made presents for everyone and i would not make an exception. Hope it works out well and may i be the first to wish everyone a merry Christmas and a Happy new year, after all it must be getting close as all my local shops and supermarkets have had their Christmas stuff in since the 1st November.

chrissibug

Oh, and I HATE vouchers. What is the point of giving each other money unless someone is saving for something special. Maybe an argos voucher is ok for children so they can pick a toy they like, but it is kind of lazy not to ask them what they want and buy it yourself. I don't know how much your budget is per person but I always tell people I know are skint not to worry about getting anything big. Doesn't always work that way but its just worth pointing out that you probably worry more than you need to.

cassy2184

last year was the first year I cut down the present buying - left out aunts, uncles, grandparents and cousins.

this year I'm cutting out parents and siblings too (except one sister who is only 12 - other siblings are adults). and then just presents for my 2yo niece and 4yo nephew.

I was so tired of it for years - my grandparents don't want anything and never used/wore what I bought them. and for everyone else - we all work so were just swapping things that at other times of the year you would just buy yourself. it was daft!. my aunties always wanted presents to order so if their perfume ran out in November, instead of replacing it they'd wait so so it could go on their Christmas list!

Its a pointless obligation. If you're a religious Christian then surely you would be happier to donate to a charity linked to your church? And if you're not, then really it's just a commercial con that you should not feel forced in to wasting your money on.