can we give are kids are home

John_Pierpoint

Just for the record both our MiLs (if you see what I mean) were brought back to their family homes and their savings used to fund their care.

That was what they wanted and was not cheaper than a care home, certainly more expensive than something paid for by the council, with its massive council bulk purchase discount.

I don't think either of us could have managed to live with "deteriorating" MiL for 4 years and then 2.5 years. Organising home care for someone who does not live next door needs a time budget of about a day a week on the part of the main organiser and a day a fortnight on the part of their partner, to visit (and fix those household tasks).

angelatgraceland

margaretclare wrote: »

When you say 'the sons' as in 'me and my brother' I assume you really mean 'the sons' wives' would do the nitty-gritty day-to-day 'caring'. I believe this occurs as routinely expected, in certain other cultures. The said wives' opinions are never sought.

Echoing what JohnPierpoint writes, I recall when my late MIL was diagnosed with dementia, this was in the late 1970s, she'd been living with us for a couple of years and nearly drove us all insane, her and her pet poodle....Anyway, I was in my first year of a degree course, as a mature student. I spoke to a hospital social worker - well, they called them something else then, hospital almoner or something like that. 'Oh I'm glad to see you, I wanted to talk to you about....' 'She's not MY mother, you know!' 'Oh I know that, but it's always down to the woman, isn't it?' (coy smile, as if it was all so obvious as to require no discussion). The inference was, I could just jack it all in, my degree, my career, the lot, just for this woman who'd never liked me and who went around saying 'that woman isn't my son's wife, you know, his wife ran off and left him...' Shock horror. Grain of truth. Our marriage had broken up in its early weeks but we got back together a couple of years later when he'd joined the RAF to get away from widowed mum, and I was a second-year student nurse. She didn't even recognise her granddaughters by then, so it would have been impossible. We used the money from the sale of her house to fund a care home, then when that ran out the LA took over. Just the *expectation* that it would be ME who'd do it all, I got so angry about that.

Do the sons actually have wives>? There is no mention of this. "Our" culture is rather uncaring I think-they expect to take take take from their parents all of their lives, they expect to inherit, and do not expect to do anything in return. Anyone who is a carer for any relative needs a lot of support and some cases would indeed be impossible to manage at home. The original poster does not indicate any of the above problems though and does not say what the sons are doing as jobs, if they are married or anything else so we should not make assumptions as to the situation. If they are married then the wives have also been enjoying life at the expense of the parents. If they are all working how about some paid help>? Why is it an automatic assumption that parents-when they no longer "serve a purpose" get dumped in a care home. "Professional care" not always the case unfortunately! Everybody's case is very individual but I feel we all owe our parents a lot more than this.
Please do not think I am against care home-I am not! I am against people refusing to look at alternatives.
It is not fair to expect it to be the wives who do the caring either. It would be good if the original poster could give us more detail rather than everyone jumping to conclusions! It looks like OP is looking for a legal loophole to pass on the house-I see that-maybe the price the sons pay to keep the house will indeed be looking after their parents to avoid it being sold. It is all theoretical anyway at this point. They will also need to think about inheritance tax and capital gains tax if they want to sell up after the parents are gone. Everyone is jumping to conclusions about MY post-please reread the Original post which started this.

margaretclare

micsey wrote: »

me and my wife are both 70 and in pretty good health,are two sons one 44 other 42 live with us and have all there lives,the question is if we go into care will they be turfed out of there home to pay for are care,we have no savings and own are home,thanks

As requested by angelatgraceland, this is the original post. It sounds from this that both sons are unmarried and still live at home into their 40s 'as they have all their lives'.

The OP asks 'if we go into care' although he concedes that both he and his wife are in pretty good health. It may be one of those 'what if' scenarios, wanting to cover all bases, but the likelihood that if they're still in good health at age 70, unless something sudden and unforeseen occurs, they will continue in good health for a long time yet.

The OP seems to think that an older couple have no say in the matter, go 'into care' willy-nilly at some future point, for what reason is unstated, and that someone will come along and 'turf the sons out of their home'. I would submit that both these possibilities sound unlikely.

Mojisola

margaretclare wrote: »

As requested by angelatgraceland, this is the original post. It sounds from this that both sons are unmarried and still live at home into their 40s 'as they have all their lives'.

The OP asks 'if we go into care' although he concedes that both he and his wife are in pretty good health. It may be one of those 'what if' scenarios, wanting to cover all bases, but the likelihood that if they're still in good health at age 70, unless something sudden and unforeseen occurs, they will continue in good health for a long time yet.

The OP seems to think that an older couple have no say in the matter, go 'into care' willy-nilly at some future point, for what reason is unstated, and that someone will come along and 'turf the sons out of their home'. I would submit that both these possibilities sound unlikely.

And, of course, if only one of them goes into care, the value of the house is ignored.

Also, if one of the sons get to be 60 before the remaining parent needs residential care (if he/she ever does), the value of the house will again be ignored.
https://www.ageuk.org.uk/Documents/EN-GB/Factsheets/FS38_Treatment_of_property_in_the_means-test_for_permanent_care_home_provision_fcs.pdf?dtrk=true

Savvy_Sue

Mojisola wrote: »

Also, if one of the sons get to be 60 before the remaining parent needs residential care (if he/she ever does), the value of the house will again be ignored.

And am I right in thinking that if either of the sons is under 60 but vulnerable or disabled in some way, then again the value of the house is ignored?

If I'm right, we have a situation where EITHER the value of the house is ignored even if the second of the parents requires residential care, OR there are two fully competent adults living in it who can take action to avoid being 'turfed out'.