ex in-laws

tomdickharry

my eldest son turns 17 mid January and probably like most dads these days, are stuck on what to buy them this xmas/birthday.
I'm fed up of console type stuff, and i don't have much money
so something constructive, his driving license and a block of lessons seems perfect eh?
just thought I'd run it by my ex wife before i get the ball rolling but its a no because her dad wants to buy his license and if he don't then he gets nowt!
he's a good bloke, and its due to my own faults he don't like me,
so i don't begrudge him wanting to do this,
but surely its the dads roll/prerogative to get stuff like this?

on the flip side my son lost my dad very recently and I'd hate to cause friction between his other grandad and him, though I'm pretty sure they're not as close as he was with dad.

there is absolutely no chance of him going halves on it and i wouldn't want to
left with the choice of his license that "could" help him on in life and tits her family off even more or a pair of baggy jeans and a game!
the old saying of "its the thought that counts" seems poor if get him the latter

btw if my dad, god bless him was still here we'd have clubbed together and paid for license and as many lessons as it takes, dare say he'd have even bought him a car the soft git he was.

i don't want to sound like its a tug'o'war

cte1111

Couldn't you still pay for some lessons? Then everyone has contributed towards helping your son learn to drive.

hgotsparkle

Maybe give him a card with the promise of giving him X amount (whatever you can afford) towards him buying a car?

Firefly

Why don't you agree to pay for his test, get him a copy of the Highway Code and perhaps one of those practice your theory DVDs?

I'm not sure I understand all the complexities in your post but if you haven't got much money an IOU for a test (or two) should be very welcome.

19lottie82

I'd buy him some lessons. Even if someone else has got him some too, he will prob need more that 10 and most likely 20.......

*max*

It's nobody's "prerogative" to buy a child driving lessons. It's a little weird that grandad would get him nothing if not this, but then it's his choice. I understand you're miffed that grandad sort of "stole" your idea for a gift, but I'm sure you can find something just as meaningful for your son. Maybe some money to go towards the future car/insurance, along with a token "car" gift, like one of those bobble heads for the dashboard or whatever... Or even something completely unrelated he might want. What sort of things does he like?

I wouldn't risk a row over this, life's too short!

peachyprice

My son's dad didn't get his driving licence for his b/day, I did, I don't think it a dad's perogative at all.

How about paying for more lessons and his theory test?

Person_one

When you say he wants to pay for his licence, does he just mean the £50 charge for getting a provisional sent out, or does he mean he wants to cover all the costs involved in your son getting his full licence including lessons, test fees, etc?

*Louise*

So let his granddad buy the license and you book him the block of driving lessons as planned.

If you mean your ex fil will be paying for lessons as well (that was a bit unclear) then use what you would have spent and either put it towards his first car / pay for his theory/ more lessons / do something together or failing all of the above, I'm not sure any 17 year old would turn down a wad of cash

con1888

I'd perhaps offer a block of lessons or perhaps an experience day ( although I think most driving ones he will need to hold a license but can do other ones, water rafting, helicopter flying etc) as that would be a day to remember and something he isn't likely to ever buy himself but will enjoy.

fluffnutter

Keep grandad on side... you might need him to help pay for the insurance when your son gets a car.