Is my brother being bullied and manipulated?

Willyoulearn

My brother and his wife have been married for about 9 years, he is 53, she is 55. They live in a large house on the nice side of town, no mortgage.

One of her sisters is getting divorced (husband was a bit of a gambler and there is no money and lots of debts). The sister and her husband bought their current home from the council and there is a mortgage.

My brother recently came round to tell me him and his wife were going their separate ways, but has not mentioned this again. Now there seems to be a change of plan.

My brother came round to see me yesterday and announced they are buying the sister in laws house (ex council house on the not so nice side of town). His wife says they can downsize (really). He does not want to sell his house at the moment as he thinks property prices are due to rise. There is no spare cash for the purchase, her money is tied up in investments so they are borrowing the money from my parents! (She will pay back in 6 months when investments mature)

I have spoken to my mother and she shares my concerns, but she has told him he can borrow the money. Should I try and persuade him not to go ahead.

I have several concerns.

Will my brothers wife's sister in law move out of the property when the purchase is completed (she will have no money to buy another place) or maybe my brothers wife will move in with her (if she still plans on leaving brother). I understand the property will be in the joint names of brother and wife.

If my brother and wife do separate, will this not just complicate matters and, if his wife or her sister in law (or both) are living in the property, where does that leave my parents loan. Will he be forced to sell his house to pay the debt.

My brother would never be happy living in the property (and why would he want to).

I worry this is part of a bigger plan.

paddy's_mum

Stay out of it. Whichever way things go, someone somewhere down the line will blame you for interfering or not intervening ...

princeofpounds

You spent an awfully long time explaining the background, but then are not very clear on what is currently going on.

Caroline_a

I'm a little bit unclear here. Your brother and his wife are selling their (his?) house and moving to his sister in laws house. And they are splitting up?

Why can't they just sell up, split the money and go their separate ways? Her 'investments' will need to be split too.

Sounds a big mess, tell him to get a solicitor.

sulkisu

You could try minding your own business.

Your brother is a grown man, who (in the absence of evidence to contrary) is capable of running his own life and standing on his own two feet. If he has concerns or issues he should try discussing them with his wife, not running back to his mother and sister.

Sorry to be blunt, but posts like this always irritate me.

poet123

Caroline_a wrote: »

I'm a little bit unclear here. Your brother and his wife are selling their (his?) house and moving to his sister in laws house. And they are splitting up?

Why can't they just sell up, split the money and go their separate ways? Her 'investments' will need to be split too.

Sounds a big mess, tell him to get a solicitor.

This, with bells on.

duchy

Willyoulearn wrote: »

That would be good advice if not for the possibility that this loan could form part of my inheritance.

Ah so it's not about concern for your brother ....I see.

Your problem is not with your brother or even his wife. Your problem is with your parents lending him the money-Talk to them ! (The fact you don't like your brother's wife is a mere detail). If they choose to lend their son money that's down to them but I'm sure they'll listen sympathetically to your concerns...that you are concerned they are going to kick the bucket in the next six months and you may not get a fair cut of any inheritence they may or may not have left you. After all in a previous post you claimed to have hated your mother. Why would you want her money ????

Mojisola

Willyoulearn wrote: »

On 29th February she organised a party at a local venue! invited loads of people and proposed to him in front of them.

Before the party my brother asked me if I thought he should say yes. I said I thought he should, she seemed nice and had organised his life (As opposed to single mans chaos). I now realise, the fact he was asking the question should have sounded alarm bells.

It sounds as if your brother goes along with the flow rather than stands up for himself. It might be that he needs someone to question the plans to validate any doubts that he has about the scheme.

Can you get him and your parent together and have a family talk about it - not to make him do what you think is right but so that he has the opportunity to air his own feelings about things.

paddy's_mum

Look - none of this is actually your business. He is a grown man who was already in his 40's when he married. You make him sound like some kind of half-wit. (Perhaps he's like my husband and actually feels relieved that his wife is or has been steering the matrimonial ship.)

The only person who ought to be worrying about future inheritances of what she currently owns is your mother and if she is happy to proceed, then that's her choice.

You say you can put a stop to it. Really? Really?! Just who is bullying and manipulating who here?

If you are really that desperately worried about your mother losing this money, then why not suggest to her that she draws up some kind of repayment schedule so that the money loaned by her is a prime debt and takes priority over anyone else's claims.

Why don't you urge him to seek sound legal advice and then butt out? Your second post, I am sorry to say, smacks of avarice not real and deep fear for your brother's wellbeing.

Willyoulearn

Sorry, lost connection and my post crossed with the advice about solicitor, which I totally agree with.

Not sure he is capable of standing on own feet, he does tend to get bullied because of his nice nature. I feel he needs someone to look at the situation logically and give him some advice. I don't generally interfere.

He hasn't gone running to his mother, other than to ask for a loan to buy the house his wife wants to buy!

I realise it is difficult to put across a situation without others applying their own interpretation. Basically she wants to buy her sister in laws house, in an area they would not normally consider buying, with money they don't have.

CH27

Advise him to see a solicitor ASAP & then stay out of it.