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skint_sausage wrote: »

We live in a particularly rural area so needing to go to the CAB is a severe last resort because we know the people working there very personally, so it's nigh on impossible to be anonymous. Hence why I'm coming here to see if you can help me out!

Hey Sausage,

This is the most prominent thing that stuck out to me in your posts. Don't be afraid to go to the CAB. At all. They were a massive help for me earlier this year when I finally bit the bullet (Natwest danced a merry tune around me at 18, and a 500 quid overdraft, maxxed out credit card with a staggering 2500 limit and a student account with an 1800 quid overdaft later....), went in with the attitude of 'f*&$ it, I want this sorted', and came out almost feeling like a new man with a focus on what I wanted and how I could achieve it.

At 25 I know how you must be feeling in a way, watching what's supposed to be 'some of the best years of your life' slowly ebb away as you run around like a lunatic fighting fires - ok, mine were started by myself and I have no-one else to blame, but still, the principal's there - but it's a case of 'now or never', I think.

Another point to make; would it be feasible to sell the house to unlock any equity? My folks are having to do that after a horrendously long-drawn out court battle with a former employer of my dad which has seen us reduced to practically nothing, but no-one would touch us because we have equity in the house. It's the only way we can unlock funds to get us back to square one. I obviously don't know how much is left outstanding on your mum's mortgage, and the thought of moving house is probably the last one on your mind, but if it's a possibility....?

You sound a lot more grounded than I am even now. At around 23 I slowly started to wake up and hit the buffers, realising my student days of not caring and racking up debt was surely going to haunt me - and here I am. At 25, I'm only just starting to make any form of dent into the debts I owe, and my financial handling is still pretty poor! So fair play to you for coming onto the board to look for advice.

Best of luck, hope at least one part of my ramblings can be used for guidance (or at least a jovial read), and keep going!

CFC

Skint sausage, you cannot change the way your mum is. She likes to live beyond her means and if that means taking a lot of money off you in order to keep up her appearances, she has no conscience about doing it.

I think the fact that you refer to everything as 'we did this and that, we're going to do this and that' is not healthy. You are not in an immutable partnership with your mum. You should be starting to be an independent adult at your age.

It takes a lot of maturity to stand back from the situation and look at it and think - none of this is my fault, I am limited in what I am able and willing to do to help....but I fear that if you can't find that inner maturity and detachment you are in for many wasted years of your life. Lack of thought for the future is what has got your mum into this mess. Do not copy her by giving no thought to your own future.

Wish you all the best but please do think on what I and other posters have said.

19lottie82

Hi OP, I just wondered if you've made any progress with your Mum, a couple of months down the line? Has she managed to avoid buying expensive Christmnas presents, that she cant afford? I hope so!