Separating-help needed

meme30

We have lived together for 8 years and are talking about separating. We have two small children whose lives we will have to keep as normal as possible. We have a joint mortgage in negative equity, and separate bank accounts with an extra joint account for bills. Neither of us earns more than the other and each of us could cope with the mortgage singley (just) if we had to. One of us will eventually be leaving our home.
My partner wants to share the children so that they would spend three days with him then three days with me per week with us taking turns on the other day. He has a friend going through a divorce and his solicitor has worked out this option for him. I worry that this will be too confusing for the children. I also think this had something to do with his friend wanting to claim the child benefit.
I know that things will not remain amicable for long but I need to know where I stand legally either in my right to keeping my home or my right to seeing my children. If anyone has any experience in this I would be grateful for any help/info. Thanks.

Kabazzzz

Well as the mortgage is joint then you both have the right to remain there. This can be especially difficult if the relationship sours further. Do you have any idea who would like to keep the house and how the contents will be split? The house can only be sold if both of you are in agreement or a court orders the sale. What about other assets? Car/s etc..

Take copies of anything you can, insurance policies, mortgage details etc so that if it is you that decides to move out, you'll have account numbers and contact numbers... You plan to remain amicable which is good but it doesn't always go to plan.

You don't say if you are married but either way, I'd suggest getting legal advice as soon as you can, use the free 30 mins offered by some solicitors and prepare key questions so you don't waste it.


Regarding the children, my ExH and I have a flexible arrangement with our children, we are doing 50/50 shared parenting with a similar arrangement as the one you have mentioned above. This was something suggested by our son as he thought that "week on, week off" would be too long without the other parent (he is 12). Our daughter sees her dad once a week for tea - she is older (13) and that is what she wants (ExH lives with the OW and her 3 children). If it ends up in court, the only thing a court will be interested in is what is in the children's best interest, which is usually a relationship with both parents (unless there's violence etc)...



Also go to the wikivorce site (it's not just for marrieds), you'll find a wealth of info there from people who have gone through similar experiences and others who are currently going through it.


My ExH and I planned to be amicable... until he started taking his advice from "friends at the pub" and it went from "I'll pay my half of the mortgage and bills and if you need anything doing at the house I'll sort it, if the kids need anything, let me know" to him stopping paying the mortgage and bills, cancelling the tv license and not telling me and saying "you'll be lucky to get £25 a month maintenance for the children"...


It can be very hard, especially when new partners come into the mix and put their two pennies worth in.




Good luck OP!

Alan_T_2

Can't comment on the physical assets side of things, will leave that to others, but with regards to childcare it sounds very similar to the arrangement my ex and I have.

We separated when our daughter was 3.5, and we made the arrangement that we would split custody on the basis of approx 50/50 basis.... I collect my daughter from school on a Wednesday (was nursery when we made the arrangement) and return on a Saturday night around 6pm... with my ex having her from that time until drop-off for school on Wednesday. Works pretty well for us, we both get a good amount of time with her (as well as some time to be adults ourselves), and more importantly our daughter, who gets good periods of time with both parents and has an established routine for each day. For me the importnant bits are the settled routine and the child knowing they are loved.