Becoming a single mum with three children

pinkshoes

I think the first thing you need to assess is can you sort the relationship out, because if you're only 18 weeks pregnant, i'm making the assumption things were fine 18 weeks ago?!?

What has changed to make you feel like you've had enough? Don't forget the hormone changes you're going through being pregnant, which can easily make you see things in a different light. Have you gone through the usual steps i.e. relationship councelling, talking rationally to each other? You'd be surprised how many couples can sort things out when they just sit down calmly with a 3rd person as a mediator, so both get a fair chance to speak.

I just believe alot of people give up too easily on relationships nowadays rather trying to work them out. The best relationships can often be the ones you work hardest at, and many relationships fail due to lack off communication and taking each other for granted without realising it.

As for housing in the UK, how long have you been out the UK? Have you registered as a citizen in another country? All this might affect your priority on the housing list, and it could be rather a long wait in not so great accomodation. The suggestion of living with a relative would be probably the best thing to do, because I'm presuming you want to move back to the UK to be with friends/family if you feel your relationship has failed?

MRSMCAWBER

Hi there Nats3006....
I guess it was the living outside the UKbit -:D ..im an army wife...you too?
Its just that if the OP is she can get help via the army...You just need to ask...

hippychick1

MRSMCAWBER wrote: »

Hi there Nats3006....
I guess it was the living outside the UKbit -:D ..im an army wife...you too?
Its just that if the OP is she can get help via the army...You just need to ask...

Hi Mrs Mcawber yes I am an army wife, in Germany at the minute. Someone has suggested to approach the AWS for help and advice, so I may do that. Apparently they can help a lot with moving back and benefits?
I think maybe my husband and I just need to talk. I hate to think I'm just giving up. I feel like the same situation just keeps arising - him drinking and spending too much money when I'm trying to keep to a tight budget. It seems ridiculous to split over this, but I'm constantly worried there will be no money to put food on the table, just because he's spent too much money at naafi break.

hippychick1

pinkshoes wrote: »

I just believe alot of people give up too easily on relationships nowadays rather trying to work them out. The best relationships can often be the ones you work hardest at, and many relationships fail due to lack off communication and taking each other for granted without realising it.

Our main problem is lack of communication. We used to talk loads, but nothing ever gets said anymore. It seems like we've both given up wanting to talk. Things are just plodding along at the moment and I don't think either of us are happy. You are right, we do need to sit down and talk.

MRSMCAWBER

Goodmorning Hippychick

I thought you might be an army wife:D ....me too! Just about to head out to Germany...

Its not always easy is it...so im sending you great big hugs....

hubbies being away, you being away from family - especially with 3 little ones must be soo difficult. Im sure if you can work it out with your hubby you will...is he aware just how unhappy you are??..how much longer do you have in Germany? - sorry for all the questions! only i was wondering if you could talk things through with mr HC and do you think it might take the preasure off if he were to get a posting closer to your family and friends?....im sure that if you and he went to the welfare and he spoke to his boss they would try and get your family back closer to home.. they know that an unhappy wife means unhappy soldier!!!!

I wish i could give you more help, but im sure that someone better equipped will be along soon....but i would deffinitely have a word with the welfare - once you know your entitlements it may take some of the pressure off and help you see things clearer..

MRSMCAWBER

Hello again

Just noticed some more of your posting...the drinking thing can be a pain in the ar#e.... the army maintain that they dont encourage drinking.... yet so much seems to revolve around drink...im lucky my hubby is 42 and had enough years single to get it out of his system... but he still gets the Pee taken that he doesnt want to be out on the pop all the time.... and i think that is probably the biggest cause of hassles in marriages...

I know its not easy but i think you are right..you both have to get the kids to bed, sit down and be honest with each other... perhaps your hubby genuinely isnt aware just HOW stressed and down you are and do you think he is using drink to deal with how he is feeling?.... he must know things arent right with you both, but probably doesnt know what it is, or what to do..... One of you needs to take the first step (and it looks like it going to be you...) Perhaps if you make the first move toward getting the communication started between you again it will make it easier for him to open up too...

Hopefully if you calmly explain that you are worried about your kids futures... i know its not nice, but with his job he needs to consider what mess you could be left in if god forbid anything should happen to him..

I would try and convince him to take a pack up for his lunch and naffi breaks (its amazing how much naffi breaks end up costing isnt it!)... I know its extra work you could do without, but could you make him think that you "want" to pack him a meal -"to look after him"....im sure if he realised how much that would save he would be amazed...

Also, do you have transport to use the German shops for your shopping.. or do you have to rely on the camp shops?..as this could make a hell of a difference to your food budget.....