Here We Go Again (College Issues, Special Needs)

[Deleted User]

Yep, here we go again. College was supposed to be different.

I have a 17 year old with Aspergers and dyspraxia who was accepted on a level 2 Acting course at the only LA funded Stage school in the country (well this is what they said.., certainly it seems to be a rare thing).

I was very very open with the time keeping, co-ordination and balance, travelling, and overstimulation challenges he has. I was told 'College is different, we are focused on meeting the needs of kids with special needs'. Again

He came home a couple of weeks ago with stories of having to lift people and he'd suffered a back injury. Phoned the college, phoned their special needs dept.., was treated like an over protective parent stopping my son from developing when I asked how much supervision they had, were they able to make sure my son did these things safely as he has co-ordination and balance problems. I raised the point that this could be a health and safety issue. I was told to trust them, not phone them, they knew what they were doing. I was told there was adequate supervision (but according to my son, there is, but its for the whole class. I was told he was doing better than many on the course, he tells me he's been stopped from doing some exercises because he couldn't do them - not a problem with that but its not quite what the college is telling me).

Apparently they don't want to make a 'special case' of my son.

Last week he came home with another injury. Its still there.

The college told me he'd have a buddy who'd walk home with him when he had to leave the college late because of rehearsals and performances as he has problems travelling in places he's unfamiliar with. Its a mile from the college to the town centre where the buses are (the college shuttle bus doesn't run at night). I received a text from him out of the blue today to say he would be home after 9. I've had my ex searching the streets for him as he wasn't home by 11. It turns out the buddy system isn't running anymore, the college won't tell me when he has late nights (he's expected to be responsible enough to tell me these things are happening.., special case reasons brought up again as to why they won't tell me of these late days when he needs picking up).

I've got this sore head from hitting my head on a brick wall..,again.

I applied for a S139A which would have given the college extra funding to provide for his special needs. Apparently the college turned it down because they already had enough resources in place (really? so why is all this happening).

He's missed a counselling session because he didn't hear the counsellor tell him the next date. I asked the college to tell me what appts were made so I could remind him (he gets overwhelmed and misses things when they are spoken to him). They've refused.

Am I over reacting?

I don't want him to be thrown out of college but it seems to me.., another educational establishment where they say all the right things (we provide extra care for people with special needs) but in a day to day sense.., they have an equally strong logical structure to not provide assistance (they want young people to be responsible, don't want to make a special case of my son etc).

Its very important this works for my son.., but I don't know how to break through this 'double speak'.

AND I don't enjoy being treated like an over protective, disabling parent. I want my son to grow.., and encourage him to do so in every possible way. But I don't want him wandering the streets for an hour and a half, lost.

Savvy_Sue

FWIW I do not think you are being over-protective.

I think I would write, calmly and coherently, about the issues which have already happened, state that you would be quite happy NOT to have your son treated as a special case if he didn't NEED the extra assistance, and request a meeting. Actually I might request the meeting and then send the letter - head of SEN? Head of course? Not sure ...

Heck, when DS1 was 18 I had a perfectly reasonable conversation with the disability team at one of the Unis he'd applied to, and we agreed together that he probably wouldn't need any support but that if he did we could ask for it - it didn't depend on him doing so.

[Deleted User]

Thank you.

I'm just a bit sick of this happening again and again. The college has so much to offer my son.., but I want him to grow safely lol. No way do I want to wrap him in cotton wool.., but his challenges need to be recognised.

I've been told to not phone.., but I've only phoned the once when I was concerned about the lifting lol!

Basically all I want is an email telling me when important dates come up, like when he needs to attend late or go to counselling so I can make sure he goes to the counselling or comes home safely.

It would be nice if he had extra support when physical things happen but I guess that won't happen, they've turned down the funding and they don't have the staff.

They just don't seem to see that to have them clinging to the 'we don't want to make a special case' of your son, and 'we expect people in our company (they aren't students, they are company members) to be responsible' is actually kindof double speak with special needs. They seem so caught up in these statements (seriously, they sort of glaze over and quote them ad infinitum) its like the staff have been programmed lol.

I am concerned if I ask too much, they'll say he's not suitable for the Drama course. He has such talent, they phoned him after his audition within 10 minutes to offer the place. But they are very strict.., and could react badly if I get too strident.

Savvy_Sue

Is there anyone at the LA you can get advice from? Clearly it's not a 'normal' college course, BUT your son needs some extra support at this stage!

System

I know exactly where you are coming from, my dd had a statement then a 139a so the residential college knew all about her issues. they could talk a good game but after 3 days and numerous issues i went at 8 am and picked her up .

I was told she needed to "settle "in i was over protective etc

I wrote a letter of complaint to the person in charge he investigated and found that they had indeed failed her and upheld every point i made and apologized.

DD is now at a local college on a foundation placement that we didn't know existed prior to this and so far so good !

Your LA should have a SEN manager ask to meet them as ours was a great help with the 139a ,the college have no right to block it as it not their decision as to whether its required. was there a statement at school ?

MrsDrink

FWIW I would be quoting the relevant sections of the education act and disability act to them. Sorry I can't help which sections they are - but google them and have a read. They have a duty of care towards your son and they aren't meeting it.

Funky_Bold_Ribena

I work in a SEN college and things are very different from non SEN college. For a start things like timetables and the things you mentioned would be addressed on an individual basis.

I would request a meeting with the head, stating that after bringing up these areas as ones for concern, they have all been ignored and you need to meet with them as a matter of urgency. The S in SEN is being ignored in this instance it would seem.

Savvy_Sue

I did have another couple of thoughts last night.

Would the counsellor be prepared to email you and / or him with details of next appt? And / or write it in a diary / appt card for him? It must be frustrating for them if your DS doesn't turn up, and it's what happens with appts in many situations, my dentist / hairdresser / GP ALL offer to write it on a card for me, even though they've seen me write it in my own diary AND put it in my phone!!!

The college have dumped the buddy system, but has he made any friends / started to recognise who people are / worked out who goes to the bus stop after a late night? Also you say he's no good in unfamiliar places, is it possible to do some practice sessions walking home (if that's what he'd do) over the weekends?

I still don't think you're overreacting, but these are all things which might help without kicking up so much fuss that they decide he's in the 'too hard' box.

[Deleted User]

This morning I had a brief meeting with his CAF co-ordinator. I said that the college's 'creed' of personal responsibility and not making a special case of my son were getting in the way of their requirement to meet his special needs.

She's going to contact the special needs person at the college.

I have already asked for the counsellor to contact me with appts.., this has been ignored. I even wrote it on his application form (that I need to know what important dates there are) as well as expressed it in email.


Oh well, lets see what happens now. Many thanks for your comments. I desperately want my son to stay on this course.

I would very much like to do 'practice walks' from the college to campus.., but I'm quite short at the moment (still waiting for college refunds for fares and stuff and rent needs to be paid on 15th) so not doing any non essential bus fares (£5 return just for me - the college is quite a way from the next town where the local bus is able to drop him, if the college shuttle bus isn't running its over a mile away - 40min walk even for me) and I have a seven year old who wouldn't appreciate the walking even with an offer of McDonalds or park visit. I will see what I can arrange though, it does need to be done. I will see if can get my younger son's father to take him for a while this weekend and do the walking with my older son perhaps. I had to give him money for petrol yesterday to try and find my older son lol.

No there was no statement at school, i was told he wouldn't meet the criteria. I'd do things differently if I could go back but its too late now. This is why I completed the S139a. I have no idea who or why the college said they didn't need any extra funds. Clearly they do.

alleycat`

Here are a few thoughts.
None are trying to be judgmental, just thinking out loud.

I accept your situation is somewhat different but colleges and universities suffer from a lot of "helicopter" parents.

A lot of the push back might not be malicious but a jaded reaction to this?

Again I'm not saying that this makes it right, but it is a possibility.

I also imagine, based on my "actor" friends at university, that they and their parents can appear to have a flair for the dramatic.

When you see certain reactions over and over again you tend to miss the genuine. I know this is something i am guilty of from time to time.

As to the bit about the college rejecting the money it might well be to do with appearance.

I'm sure we all know people that won't accept help as it comes across as not coping.

As i said at the start, I'm not suggesting you are doing anything wrong, on the contrary it appears you are trying to do all the right things.

System

[QUOTE=Funky Bold Ribena;63413308]I work in a SEN college and things are very different from non SEN college. For a start things like timetables and the things you mentioned would be addressed on an individual basis.

I would request a meeting with the head, stating that after bringing up these areas as ones for concern, they have all been ignored and you need to meet with them as a matter of urgency. The S in SEN is being ignored in this instance it would seem.[/QUOTE]

The brief time my dd was at the SEN college was a huge disaster but what i did see was pupils being pushed to do things "normal" [for want of a better word !] do .

My dd will never be road safe its just not possible but the SEN college seemed to see that as a challenge and one of their "goals" was getting her out on her own , going into the local town shopping etc !!!

Her current college is much better , they understand her complex issues and work around them.