Pregnant and terrified of getting PND again

Troutwrestler

Found out yesterday I'm pregnant again, part of me wants to be happy. But I had the most horrendous pnd with my 2 nd daughter and also with my first to a lesser extent. I can't stop crying and thinking about how awful this was last time.
I was an atrocious parent to both my girls last time and it's only in the last year or so I haven't been depressed , my youngest is 3.... So it's taken along time to feel better....I feel physically sick at the thought of going through all that again.... I was suicidal at one point and I can only imagine it gets worse each time....

Don't really know why I'm posting this thread other than to vent a bit...I feel very selfish and a bit pathetic at the minute as I know some people try for so long and would love to be in my position. But I'm worried about the affect this could have on my other children...

Thanks for reading x

Person_one

There's absolutely nothing selfish or pathetic about how you're feeling. Its completely understandable, you've been seriously ill and are facing the prospect of it happening again, who wouldn't be worried and scared?

Do you want another child? Was this a planned pregnancy? Have you had chance to speak to your doctors/CPNs etc?

balletshoes

tell your OH and your GP how you feel - don't put on a brave face for anyone else.

Troutwrestler

I have told my OH..he just says we will get through it if it happens again..but I honestly don't think I could do it again....I think it would be too much to cope with....which in turn is making me feel worse....

I had just got to the stage in my life where everything was settling down....

rosalie-lavender

I had PND with my first two although no-where near as bad as you. I didn't get it with my third. Hopefully you will be lucky and not get it again.

Maybe it will make you feel better to try to organise things to help in the months after the birth. Get everyone on board to help out and allow you to get extra sleep and get things set up now so that arrangements for help are already in place.
And see your GP to get some medical support.

Troutwrestler

rosalie-lavender wrote: »

I had PND with my first two although no-where near as bad as you. I didn't get it with my third. Hopefully you will be lucky and not get it again.

Maybe it will make you feel better to try to organise things to help in the months after the birth. Get everyone on board to help out and allow you to get extra sleep and get things set up now so that arrangements for help are already in place.
And see your GP to get some medical support.

Thanks, I'm planning on seeing my gp...I'm just worried at how awful I'm feeling now..remembering how terrible it was...but most of all..I don't want my children to suffer because I can't cope.

Person_one

Troutwrestler, you do know you have a choice, don't you?

Troutwrestler

Person_one wrote: »

Troutwrestler, you do know you have a choice, don't you?

Of course. But that would to me seem a very selfish option...and my Oh is more than supportive and happy??I just can't get my head to feel the same way??we have talked about ensuring I have help and support available but that would change how I feel in my head and towards my children if I do get pnd again.

Person_one

Troutwrestler wrote: »

Of course. But that would to me seem a very selfish option

Forget everybody else for a minute, this is about you.

There's nothing selfish about being concerned for your existing children though, that's the opposite of selfish!

Racheldevon

When I managed sure start children's centres, I was working closely with the local perinatal mental health team, the consultant psychiatrists, CPNs etc had a system where women could either refer themselves in to be supported throughout the whole pregnancy or referred by their GP. It was for things like you describe, through to people who were taking antidepressants or other medication but wanted to breastfeed, through to people who were highly anxious about the upcoming birth due to previous birth trauma etc - it's worth enquiring about

meritaten

it isn't 'inevitable' you will get PND again - but, you can make the medical staff aware that you suffered badly in the past. you are now an experienced mum and you will KNOW the early signs - in time to ask for help. you can also make sure OH and family know what to look out for too.
Congratulations btw!!!!!!!!!!!! and don't dwell on the past - this new little one could be plain sailing for you!