BF STILL not talking to his parents! I want to help but not sure how

sterl1ng

Its been nearly 3mths since BF had a bust up with his parents. I get on well with them but haven't seen them since the big argument. He doesn't get on too well with his mum and his dad tends to take her side but apparently this was brewing for some time and she has been emailing him couple of times as if everything is normal without any apology (though not sure what she needs to apologise for as I wasn't there at the time when bust up happened). Anyway, xmas is round the corner and I REALLY would like to sit down all three at my place and try get them to get on again. I know his parents really want to speak with him.

Any advice would be appreciated. He's not been himself for a bit if i'm honest so worried about his health too as he's unemployed too so I know its taking toll.

19lottie82

If I were you I would gently encourage him to try and get in touch with them again, but apart from that I'd stay out of it.

You've stated you don't know the reasons behind the bust up. It may be something going back years, that you know nothing about.

Seriously, beyond letting your boyfriend know that you will support him if HE wants to get back in touch, I'd just keep out of it.

Tiddlywinks

Without knowing the details, and with your BF being unwilling to talk about it, you really need to step back.

The little things that can cause an argument can actually bring up years of anger and resentment.

Support your BF but don't try to grind him down just because Christmas is around the corner... any get together will be a let down if people have been forced or nagged into being there.

Person_one

I do find it a bit odd that you don't know what the bust up was about. How long have you been together?

Without knowing any facts, you really do need to stay out of it, its his family and his decision.

lika_86

Do either of his parents happen to have a birthday before then? Birthdays and Christmas are reasons he'll have to face up to it as he'll have to make a decision to not talk to them (in which case this could go on forever and turn into a real split) or make an effort to send a present/card/visit in which case that opens the gates for a reconcilliation. I wouldn't sit them all in a room together though, you can't force them to get on and to do so would be wrong. Your boyfriend has to decide for himself that he wants a relationship with them.

ilikewatch

As others have already said - keep well out of it. It's his family and he's already made a difficult decision to cease contact with them, the last thing he needs is his girlfriend/boyfriend nagging at him about it or trying to broker a peace agreement.

summerof0763

I had a massive bust up with my mum about 4 yrs ago, and to be honest its a relief not to have her in my life anymore.
so I would say stay out of it, you don't know if this is something that's been brewing fora long time.

Soleil_lune

Tricky one St1rling. I kind of agree with a few people that it is his issue and you perhaps shouldn't interfere, but that said: I would probably be the same as you.

What happens now depends quite a bit on what the row was about of course, and also how he got on with them before. If he gets on OK-ish most of the time, then it's silly to never get in touch again.

Even if the relationship is wobbly, then it's no different to many other parent-child relationships. I am assuming that he is young-ish, he is probably hot-headed, and the row is probably 50/50 - after all, there is two sides to every story.

If you get on OK with his family, then why not pop round and have a chat with his family. Plus, his mother 'has' been emailing him, so she must want to make it up.

Life is too short. Unless you have a relationship with a family member that has irretrievably broken down (as it is with some sadly,) then try to sort it out.

I wish you all good luck

Frith

I think its up to your boyfriend who he chooses to talk to.

Stephb1986_2

If I was you I'd keep out of it, I sort of know from experience.

Steph xx

olgadapolga

It's between your OH and his parents. You say that you weren't there so you don't really know what went on. Their argument could have been anything. It doesn't matter what the argument was about. Your OH has clearly made a choice by not responding to his mum's emails. If I was you, I would leave well alone and support your OH with his decisions, even if you don't like them or think that they are necessarily right.

If my OH had tried to intervene with an ongoing disagreement between someone and myself, I would have been extremely upset and felt that my OH was being disloyal to me. I think that someone suggested going around to have a chat about it with his parents - this really is not a good idea and could affect your relationship with your OH.