My Wife's dads Ashes problem-help!!!!

jnielow

Dear All,

My wife lost her dad recently and the ashes are currently at my wifes mums house. The thing is my wife has fallen out with her mum & younger sister over various matters. We now feel that my wifes mum & younger sister will dispose of the ashes without consulting my wife and other members of the family. Is there anything we can do to stop this ie legal etc.

Any help would be welcomed!

Thanks

Jason

skylight

Grief affects different people in many different ways.

Threatening legal action or any other action is only going to blow things into the major league.

As your wifes Mum was your Dads next of kin (Husband/wives are) then she is in her right to do whatever she feels is best.

The best thing for you to do is persuade your wife to mend those bridges instead. She can always distance herself from her Mum and Sister again at a later date if she wants to.

tanith

I think Charlotte is right, its really up to your wifes Mum what happens to her husbands ashes and rightly so.. things get said when everyone is emotional especially after a bereavement.. try to persuade your wife to at least get back on speaking terms with her family so that she can offer or receive support ....

pinkshoes

I very much doubt that her dad would have wanted a legal battle and bickering over where to spread the ashes, so it's best to go along with what her mum wants.

jnielow

Many thanks for your comments

Jason

crutches

memories are far more precious than ashes.
let your wife cherish those and rise above petty bickering.
living her life to the full is the best memorial a father could have

CelticStar

Your poor wife, I really feel for her. Unlike most people on this thread - and I understand that all the advice came with the best of intentions - I am not in favour of advising people to make up just for the sake of it, particularly if you are bereaved and vulnerable to fluctuating emotions. None of us know what has happened within your wife's family. If the problem is a relatively trivial one (no pun intended) that can be resolved with a little effort on all sides then that is great and you should encourage it, but sometimes family breakdown can be much more complicated and deep-seated and 'contact at any cost' is not always the answer. Sadly, life is not a fairytale and I don't think that we should pressurise people into making-up with relatives when they don't want to and when they are feeling vulnerable anyway.

Whatever happens to your wife's dad's ashes - and his wife does really have the right to dispose of them as she wishes - your wife will always keep him with her in her heart. His ashes are his mortal remains but no-one can take away those memories and that's all that really matters. I woldn't recommend any kind of legal action as it will only end up hurting your wife more.

scubaleopard

My mum and Dad were divorced and his new partner did not want us 3 children there when she spread the ashes. We were all very hurt by this but she was
willing to tell us where she had spread them so that we could go the next day. I took an envelope and could see the ashes on the leaves of the plants in the fiels where she has spread them. I picked a couple of the leaves and bought them back to my garden and put them in my favourite place so I always think of him there.