Do I have to become a stalker (joking!)

Gigglepig

If you want to find out what course your daughter is on, why don't you give her a call and ask?

if your adult kids think so little of you, they probably have their reasons. Have you asked them why? People form their own judgments once they grow up, and their opinion of you is likely to be more formed by what they have seen/heard you do than tales from their mum.

Baldiebain

Thanks for that unnecessary comment Gigglepig and I'm sure someone much more easily insulted than me will be along shortly so that should cheer you up a bit. :beer:

Cally_Smart

Can't believe I just read that Gigglepig,that was a bit below the belt.He is just asking for some advice not a character assassination ! If your children have no access to you how can they judge they just get fed the stuff from the pwc! It's happened to us and it benefits the pwc to alienate the children to get more money.I hope the 4 qc's in our case will make their own minds up in the future based on what we have done for them NOT having to agree with the pwc because they live with her!

Gigglepig

Sorry if I caused offense OP but i really did think the most straight forward answer to your question of how to find out without being a stalker is simply to pick up the phone and ask.

Cally smart - I agree with you that things can be difficult when the kids are small, but op's children are adults now, and as any other adults perfectly able to see for themselves if oP makes an effort to stay in touch or not . now that the children are adults op can build a relationship with them directly. If he does not call/contact them then there is little chance of repairing the relationship. The pwc may have caused issues in the past should not be used as an excuse for not reaching out to adult children.

it might not work but if Op wishes things to be different with his kids, he can try to establish a relationship with them. If he decides not to try then that is his decision (and it has nothing to do with the pwc and it is not anyone else's fault if he decides not to make an effort)

Cally_Smart

Thanks for taking the trouble to explain. Baldiebain is a newbie & having similar problems to us over ch/ben.We are supposed to be kind & helpful he's only made 6 posts !CSA is very stressful to deal with at the best of times!

Baldiebain

I think what I am trying to say to you Gigglepig is that if my relationship with my children was any of your business I would have gone into long and intricate detail about the whole situation and you would either understand it or you would not. However I was fortunate in gaining some good advice from this Forum and I thank those who contributed to that and wish you all the very best on your journey.

I notice that you spend a lot of time on here Gigglepig and whilst some of your advice is fairly benign you do appear to have a rather gratuitous habit of replying to a wide variety of subjects in a way that, were one to be talking face to face, you would perhaps not be so forthcoming on. And I would think long and hard before taking on much of the "advice" you give out across the many, many different forum areas you appear on.

Thanks once again to all who contributed to my specific questions.

jarhead66

I tried to make contact with my daughter when she was 22, We never did get to meet by the sound of it she had been brain washed about me by my ex!!
I now think that my ex could teach POL POT a thing or two about brain washing. such is life

EclipsedMind

Anyone who cannot understand how a child can erroneously form a wrong opinion of a parent should read The transition Bridge posted by Karen Woodall. Note how it does not necessarily need a vindictive parent to make things go wrong.

People should also try to consider the huge stress and anguish that dealing with these things can cause and some people don't have the strength (Fathers and Mother have breakdowns) or are not prepared to inflict the short term pain on their offspring that would be needed to get contact restored.

Its a messy aspect and is worsened when deliberate alienation is thrown in the mix.

EM

Cally_Smart

A very moving article EM.In my opinion CSA do nothing to prevent Parental Alienation. In fact, by saying to the pwc you will get more money by denying over night stays with the nrp ,they are positively encouraging it!They aren't allowing nrp's to be believed when they have the children overnight if the pwc doesn't admit them. Are CSA staff on bonuses for each case,I just wondered?

EclipsedMind

Cally_Smart wrote: »

A very moving article EM.In my opinion CSA do nothing to prevent Parental Alienation. In fact, by saying to the pwc you will get more money by denying over night stays with the nrp ,they are positively encouraging it!They aren't allowing nrp's to be believed when they have the children overnight if the pwc doesn't admit them. Are CSA staff on bonuses for each case,I just wondered?

PA can be both deliberate and can sometimes be inadvertent. As the parent on the receiving end it is not possible always to know the difference and I speak from personal experience on this. In the article I think it is possible the mother had good intentions and was doing what she thought was right. Clearly the assessor(cafcass officer?) would have also and the supposed court that ordered no contact.

Personally I hold the CSA blameless tbh its a failure of government policy. They merely are the instruments of a failed initiative and ideology. This article might better explain tho I expect a rough reception from some quarters.

However I fear there is little appetite to change so don't expect things to get better any time soon.


EM

Disclaimer: I am a father and PWC and I help others with litigating in person in family law and sometimes campaign on issues around contact and child welfare. I am a firm believer in true equality and personal responsibility.