What's going on.. Need to get it off my chest!

paddy's_mum

NinjaSavingKat wrote: »

he .. doesn't want any personal bits of his life spoken about in public. I have known some women who think nothing of sharing anything with whoever asks.

Something is wrong here and you need to talk to him about it.. today...

My point exactly and I agree with the urgency of dealing with the problem.

pmlindyloo

You don't say how old you are now or how old your husband is. Nor do you say at what age you got married or when you started your relationship with your OH.

Am only saying these things because I am guessing that your OH is in his mid 40s?

Sorry to sound so stereotyped but I think your OH may be going through a mid life crisis. (hate that term!) I simply mean feeling older/feeling (dare I say it) more judgemental about certain things and getting a rather more moral approach to life.

Does that make sense? I led a pretty daring single life but after having children and growing more mature (sad!) I have quite different views to when I was younger. I would have been very sad if my kids had got pregnant when young and a little 'shocked'.

Please don't take offence. I am in awe of you making such a good job of your marriage and raising your children.

I just wonder if your OH has reached that age when he has also 'turned the corner' and now views life a bit differently. Perhaps his colleagues have different outlooks and have influenced him. Perhaps someone has commented on the recent stories in the press and made some derogatory remark about older men preying on young girls. Who knows?

Am just trying to understand what has 'changed' your man. From what you say, he has changed. Would this be true?

Of course that it absolutely no excuse for his being so foul to you. I hope that by now things have clamed down and you have an opportunity to sit down and make some compromises (after he has apologised for his awful language)

Don't give up on a good relationship. Listen to each other. Be understanding of each other, be open and, above all, don't bear resentment.

Desperado99

Justdontknow wrote: »

As I say I can't speak to him as I'm so hurt but when I do he is being quite nasty and sarcastic. An example is if I get upset about it all he says stop f'ing crying it's boring or if I bring up what he says he tells me to shut my big fat f'ing mouth , then he keeps calling me a fat lazy c**t if I haven't done the housework ... Yes I am fat, I know that , and I know he doesn't find that attractive but I'm so fed up I eat more despite getting u and saying today is the day! Plus if I complain about it, I get told you know where the door is, no ones keeping you here.

I don't really know what I expect from writing this post but I suppose it's helped just getting it off my chest

The bits I've highlighted concern me far more than him being uneasy about people knowing how young you were when you had your first child. He needs to show you more respect TODAY, the past doesn't matter.

FBaby

Are you sure you haven't misunderstood what he was trying to convey to you? I find it incredible that after 20 years of a strong marriage, this issue would never have cropped up before and more incredible that you would let such a matter get to the point of not talking to each other. Surely you guys have faced much worse circumstances in your life than what seem nothing more than a different perspective on a matter of no great consequences.

Brighton_belle

Justdontknow wrote: »

We've also had a great loving relationship , we get on well , have a laugh and until recently only really niggled, not argued and it's blown over within 1/2 an hour.
Seriously it's gone from this ^to this is a few weeks?:
...I get upset about it all he says stop f'ing crying it's boring or if I bring up what he says he tells me to shut my big fat f'ing mouth , then he keeps calling me a fat lazy c**t

Being called a c**t by your husband/father of your children is never ever acceptable. It's also an appalling role model for your children and if you have daughters, does not demonstrate the sort of respect you might hope from any future partner they will choose.
Either he's having a breakdown and needs to recognise he needs help or is it a nasty side of his personality that has always been there but is just becoming more prominent? He needs to be told this is unacceptable.

I do think you should have respected his need for a little privacy over your early sex life though (which is different from keeping secrets or lying if asked directly).

marisco_2

browneyedbazzi wrote: »

Given all the media coverage lately about historical cases of child sexual abuse he may feel ashamed that as an adult man he got into a relationship with someone so young. He might be quite worried about what people will think about him if they find out.

If the above is the root of the problem then I think the OPs husband is over thinking things massively. There is a whole world of difference between the child sex abuse cases coming to light in the tabloids, and this couple who were both above the age of consent and in a relationship with each other when the OP fell pregnant. I don't think the majority of people would even think to compare these two situations.

spender

I think the problem is that the relationship has been going wrong recently as OP said over the past few months they have had niggles. I think it is building up and building up and the fact that the other half is now deriding her size without any realisation of what affect is having is a case of the relationship breaking down. The OP I feel is realising this through her posting. They need to sit down and talk and as hard as it is (and I fully know what it is like) the op can not break down in tears as this makes him annoyed and the talking less effective.

HPoirot

I agree that especially in these times, he would feel more than a little embarrassed if you were telling (strangers?) that he got you pregnant at 17. I also agree that he might be hitting the mid-life no-man's-land where he would be feeling a tad old, frazzled and bored.

Instead of mulling over how he let rip OP (I agree it's out of order but then none of us is perfect), why don't you try to work at bringing the spark back in your relationship? One on one time time away from responsibilities and all that?

Wickedkitten

NinjaSavingKat wrote: »

I think WickedKitten was simply pointing out in her frustration that the OP's OH has no right to point the finger and say that SHE should be ashamed as he himself is implicated as the one that assisted in said pregnancy. There is no indication that WickedKitten states the OP was against having the baby and therefore the OH is simply a "complete co*k" for even using the terminology of "you should be ashamed" as he is indicating that she herself is fully responsible for the pregnancy and he has nowt to do with it which we all know is poppyco*k right..?

I think WickedKittens comment was taken out of context by both those who quoted her above as her frustration ( I believe ) is directed at the supposed "holier than thou" comments from the OH that the OP is to blame........ she is not calling him a peado or a rapist.

Thats my tuppence worth......

Thank you, that's exactly how I meant it.

danih

I'm very uncomfortable with how your husband is speaking to you. The language seems to suggest an anger and frustration towards you that scares me. For me this is more worrisome then his odd reaction to your honesty about your age.