Ex Husband not paying mortgage and I can't afford it.

kellyjo70

I have been divorced for a year and one of the agreements made was that my ex husband would pay the mortgage and I would take on all the household bills.

Although I work full-time at a school I am on a very low wage. I am now a single parent of an expensive teenager and running the home using my wages and tax credits. I use every penny I earn every month and occasionally nip into the overdraft. I rarely go out and my ex doesn't give any money to our son. His only responsibility was to make sure he provides a roof over his sons head. I often have virtually empty food cupboards as I have to wait till payday to buy more food.

Now my ex, who lives in China with his new wife and has a baby due any time, is on his 3rd Mortgage holiday. I am very worried that once the baby is born, he is even less likely to be able to afford to pay the mortgage. Our mortgage is just over £700 a month and there is no way I could even afford half of that as I am already struggling to cope.

I am scared that if he keeps this up, we will lose our home. I cannot afford private rent as, where I live, it would be just as expensive as our mortgage. My family couldn't put us up and I can't get a lodger as I only live in a small 2 bedroom house. The council waiting list is huge too.

Without winning the lottery and telling my ex to bog off, I feel I am stuck in a situation that I have no control over. I also have almost £3000 on my credit card and I wanted to get a new card with 0% balance transfer but, because of the mortgage arrears my ex husband has created, I can't get a new card to help sort out that debt. I am so angry with him that he has left us in this situation and then been selfish enough to start a new family when he cant afford to support his old one.

What can I do???

Gigglepig

Since your ex lives abroad I think it would be difficult to get the mortgage payment alternatively child support via the CSA - unless he still works for a British company and pays taxes to the UK? (If he were in the UK I'd say contact the CSA asap as you might be better off with a formal child maintenance payment that you could in turn use to pay the mortgage in your own name. )

Do you have a formal signed agreement, court order etc or was this an informal arrangement? Was the plan to sell the house and split equity when your child turns 18?

If he does not keep up the mortgage and you can't afford it - have you exhausted all opportunitites for benefits/ help towàrds housing costs? (Try the benefits board? )

If the house needs to go on the market, you may need to sell and downsize to a 1 bed, if needs must.

Do you have family who could provide free or cheap childcare if you took on a second job? (Right now there are a few seasonal job opportunities evenings and weekends.)

Have you considered applying for better paid jobs, if necessary outside the area where you now live? If you can't afford supporting yourself & paying rent, upping income and decreasing expenses may be the way to go.

Elsewhere on MSE people post summaries of what they spend, to get help to reduce costs. This might free up some of your income.

In the short run, perhaps there is a local fold bank that can help you out - noody should run out of food and have empty cupboards in the UK.

I am so sorry you have to deal with this all and hope things work out for you soon.

justme111

I am sorry you are facing not a nice situation.
The bottom life though is : if you have no money to support your life then you either get it or move out. Bedsits , shared accommodation , in any case i doubt council will leave you homeless with dependant child . There are many people in this world who face far worse hardship , starting with people who have nobody to pay their mortgage for them.

BitterAndTwisted

I'm sorry for your situation but him not paying the mortgage has been a risk ever since you agreed to that in your divorce settlement.

I would NEVER want to be beholden to someone I was no longer married to, to such a degree.

Person_one

If you had to rent, would you not be eligible for housing benefit on a low wage?

Caz3121

kellyjo70 wrote: »

I have been divorced for a year and one of the agreements made was that my ex husband would pay the mortgage and I would take on all the household bills.

Is there a consent order ? what does it say about how long this will go on for? till child is 18, till you buy him out, till the property is sold?
Is there much equity in the property? what was agreed about who gets the equity?

kellyjo70

He did write and sign to say what the agreement was but not in front of a solicitor or anything so I have no legal document. The reason for this is because he was in China so he just simply faxed a signed letter. I did say he should do it properly but he was adamant that he would always make sure we had our home. I never would have thought he would do this as it's really out of character.

He agreed to pay up till our son was 18 (which is in 2 years time). My son is at college and not earning any money. He was looking into apprenticeships which would help.

My ex also said that if I sell the house, he doesn't want any money from it, which is good of him I know. There is very little equity as we've only had this place about 7 years and as for downsizing, that's just silly. Our house is tiny! (Literally 2 up 2 down). Any smaller and I would be renting a garage/lock up!

If I get a better paid job,with my skills, I wouldn't be earning that much more. The tax credits would alter their payments accordingly so I would be no better off. (My friend did exactly that and worked more hours for a grand total of £9 extra a month!) Same as if I was to get another job in addition to the one I do already.

I could look into what would happen if I needed to sell and rent privately as I may be able to qualify for housing benefit. I have never claimed benefits in my life and its an awful thought having to rely on them. I have even looked up selling the house back to the council and renting off them but its not advised.

Who would have thought that just one thing (divorce) can cause so many other issues, especially if your ex lives the other side of the world. (Best place for him I think!!!) :rotfl:

kellyjo70

BitterAndTwisted wrote: »

I'm sorry for your situation but him not paying the mortgage has been a risk ever since you agreed to that in your divorce settlement.

I would NEVER want to be beholden to someone I was no longer married to, to such a degree.

Some of us don't have a choice. Believe me if I could find a way to get him off he mortgage and do it myself I would. The mortgage payments alone are nearly as much as I earn a month.

justme111

Admirable you don't like thinking of benefits but if it needs to be it needs to be x. At the end of the day you are raising a child ,that's what they are for , you can be proud of yourself, its not as if you were claiming them for you , if you lived alone you might well managed without benefits.

kellyjo70

justme111 wrote: »

I am sorry you are facing not a nice situation.
The bottom life though is : if you have no money to support your life then you either get it or move out. Bedsits , shared accommodation , in any case i doubt council will leave you homeless with dependant child . There are many people in this world who face far worse hardship , starting with people who have nobody to pay their mortgage for them.

I couldn't even afford a bedsit. I literally spend every penny now and that's with buying the least amount of food I can and the cheapest brands. I never have any money left at the end of the month so any rent will be too much.

Person_one

Benefits don't need to be an 'awful thought', they exist for a reason and that's to help people like you keep a roof over your head! It won't suddenly stop you being a hard worker, or a good person.