in shock

cornishrose

i am sitting here sobbing and i know things are probably easily sorted but i am struggling. 3 months ago me and my husband were fine, he had a wellpaid jon and i was working, we have paid off the mortgage and after a few family bereavemnets were looking forward to the next few years and retirement. He went to work and never came home - he had a massive heart attack, rushed to A and E but by the time i got there it was too late. my world collapsed - i have gradully been sorting but today at work we were all told we were being made redundant - minimum payout. I know i will cope as mortgage paid but what about the future - i would talk it over but he has gone - whats the least i can live on - i am only in mid 50s - everything looks so bleak -

Person_one

I'm so sorry for everything you're going through.

I would suggest contacting either Cruse on 0844 477 9400 (they are open office hours) or The Samaritans on 08457 90 90 90, they are there 24 hours a day if you need to talk to someone tonight.

You will cope, you've done brilliantly so far.

Jacqu79

I have no advice, I just wanted to say I'm so sorry for your loss.

I'm sure so some will be along soon with some advice.xxx

squidge60

Sorry no words but didnt want to read and run. x

itsanne

Cornishrose, I didn't want to read and run.

I hate to think what you are going through just now. There will be loads of people on here to advise and support you. Take care of yourself just now.

XX

foreign_correspondent

What a horrible time this must be for you... you are right, it will get better, but that's no consolation whilst it all feels so bleak...

Losing your husband like that must be so painful, I'm so sorry... and your job too.. it's probably not just about the money, I know, but about having a purpose and a routine...

What were you doing, work wise?

Do you have anyone around you who is supportive?

tayforth

(((((Hugs)))))

I am so sorry for your loss. My father died suddenly too - so, although I don't exactly what you're going through as a wife, I do know what it's like to experience a sudden bereavement. We were very close, and I miss him every day. I'm welling up just typing this.

You are still in shock, so be kind to yourself.

Jobwise, if you have enough to live on, that's all right for now. What do you do, and so you enjoy it? I know - the word 'enjoy' is not in your vocabulary right now... but does it/did it fulfil you? Could you get another job in the same field? Or perhaps you'd prefer something less stressful, or more enjoyable?

Most people work to pay the mortgage - once that's done, you have the option of taking something less well-paid but more interesting.

Have you looked into your husband's employer's pension arrangements? Also, you may be entitled to help from the Government, and don't forget council tax discounts etc.

Anyway, just take it one day at a time right now. All of the above probably sounds overwhelming, and just another reminder of what's happened. So don't be afraid to ask for help - from a friend, family member, Citizens' Advice, whoever.

xxxx

hardpressed

I've sent you a PM.

Toto

I'm so sorry for your loss. Right now everything must feel as if it can never be right again. Your life has changed overnight and I can't even imagine the turmoil you must be feeling.

This is the time in your life where everyone else needs to prop you up and support you through each baby step into the future. Your job is to make sure you ask for help and accept the help. There are people out there on the end of the phone during those dark small hours of the morning who will be there whenever you just feel like you need to hear a voice. It won't be the voice you want to hear but those small hours can feel as if you are the only person awake and really tough, so call the Samaritans, they aren't there just to talk to people who are suicidal, they are there just to talk to people who need a friendly ear.

Cruise are also a wonderful organisation who can help you with the practical things as well as the grief.

Try not to focus on the stuff which can wait, jobs and redundancy and future finances are for dealing with when you are more able to. You can't do that when you are right in the raw grief stage.

Lastly lean on your family and friends, no one needs you to put on a brave face or to be strong for them. Keep posting here too, there's always someone here no matter what time of day or night. x

tayforth

I second the Samaritans - they helped me a few months ago, and gave me the strength to leave my abusive marriage. They were wonderful, I don't know what I would have done without them. Do give them a call if you need to xxx

BitterAndTwisted

I'm so very, very sorry for your terrible loss. And your job on top of it too must be a nasty shock.

If you've got anyone to lean on to support you at this time lean on them. Hard.

What's the least you can live on? About seventy quid a week if you've no car to run. Pop on over the the Old-Style part of the forum for tips on running a home on a shoestring and plenty of supportive and friendly chat.