Dating after divorce

LittleMrsThrifty

I married in my early 20s and had my heart broken soon after. No children, clean break. That was a few years ago now and I've not had a serious relationship since.

I have never been actively seeking a new partner as part of me though I'd had my chance. But recently I've been getting to know a man that I really like. He is really interesting, funny, thoughtful and more MSE than I am. Whilst I am excited at the thought of potentially being with someone new, I'm scared too and can feel myself holding back.

I know a lot of MSE-ers have been in relationships/marriages before. Is this normal? Should I go for it or keep my guard up?

marisco_2

I think it is normal to feel apprehensive and to be cautious about getting involved with someone new, when you have been through a traumatic time in a previous relationship. You are still young though so try not to see the end of your marriage as you having blown your one chance of happiness in life.

My advice is to take things one step at a time, at a pace you feel comfy with and just enjoy the moment. Don't waste time worrying or suffering from self doubt. That just puts you under unnecessary stress and pressure when this is meant to be a good time for you.

JaneTalks101

I understand that you feel reluctant to enter a new relationship. You do not want to get into a relationship that is toxic. Take things slow, not every man you meet is like your ex, so you have to give him a chance. He deserves that much. Best of luck to you.

ostrichnomore_2

Go for it. Try and be sure in your mind what you do/don't want in a relationship and what you can/can't offer to someone, then try and leave the emotional baggage behind.

Life is a risk. If you never take the risk of getting to know someone else and maybe falling in love again, just because you were hurt once, then you are resigning yourself to a life without the possibility of love in it. And that would be a shame.

Seanymph

You don't have to make a decision do you? This man is obviously good company, you enjoy being with him - well, carry on enjoying it.

I didn't meet my OH who is a good guy until I'd met so many bad ones I'd sworn off men completely.

And OH just sort of hung around and was consistent and reliable and kind to me until I got so used to it that I couldn't imagine him not being there.

Perhaps your chap will do the same.

DigForVictory

I made a heap of bad decisions about men at & after Uni. My husband stayed in touch, waited, was there for me & with me and eventually I "woke up & smelled the coffee". Effectively we've been together 25 years, 15 married.
There are guys who will take it slowly & patiently. So, give both of you a chance. It worked for us.

LittleMrsThrifty

Thank you for the replies. I actually 'got over' my ex very quickly; put him out my mind, made new friends and created a really nice life for myself. But my defence mechanism was to shy away from all men who could hurt me. This is the first man I've 'let in' and it's exciting and terrifying rolled in to one!

He has been hurt too and we are taking it super slow. I feel like a teenager again!