Wedding Costs - I think it's just too damned high!

duchy

That's a great idea - I attended a summer school at Royal Holloway one summer and there was a wedding whilst we were there -it looked fab and think of the photos !!

Must admit I would want a venue that stood out rather than a hotel too for that kind of money.

jbworldwide

Mrs_Bones wrote: »

I'm sorry but that bottom line of your post isn't true is it? With nearly 25k already of debt and talk of having to use credit cards to help with the cost of the wedding. The bottom line is you can not afford this wedding, not how it currently stands.

Kyrae has given you some excellent advice in her post. Work out with your other half what are the important things about the wedding (apart from each other) that you both want and then start to see what can be cut back.

All debt is managed within affordability and we are not struggling. Debt was taken on to get set up in life, cars for work etc. and the debt free part is an aspiration as at current rates we would be clear in 2016.

The credit card part is if we needed to, but again if we spent it would be measured within affordability.

My OP was to blow off some steam because of the way a discussion played out, it is all sorted now but it is still going to be pricey

Saveitandsee

A wedding is not just a wedding... it's the beginning of a lifetime partnership and if the two of you are struggling to compromise and you are already feeling guilty for bringing it up, then it doesn't bode well.

My fiance and I were determined that we'd not get into debt and we'd not cowtow to others. Here's what we are doing, perhaps you can get some inspiration from it and perhaps there are things you could do to cut costs:

Having the ceremony in the evening. No meal, just a celebration party to follow with a very small buffet. We are not inviting extended family that we never see as they mean very little to us in the grand scheme of things and would be taking the place of friends who are involved in our daily lives who have always been there for us. We are having everything that any other wedding has but at cut cost. Photos, video, singers, flowers, cake etc but most of these are being provided by friends who are bakers, photographers, vocalists etc - they are sharing their talent instead of purchasing gifts. Cuts costs for us and makes them really feel a part of our day which they are, otherwise we would not be inviting them. The others are professionals that I've negotiated with - eg I wasn't paying a videographer £1500 + VAT cos he is only gonna be there half the time of a normal wedding and because our wedding is in the evening, he may realistically be able to work two weddings that day. Found one who agreed with me and he quoted me less than a third of that price. If I am paying anyone for half the time of a normal wedding I am not paying the full cost - some won't have it and that's fair enough, it's their business. But if they won't have it, I won't have them, simple. The cost of our wedding is £3000 and that is allowing for additional unbudgeted expenses.

I've been very frank with people and just told them we are not getting into debt but we do want people we care about to celebrate with us. Though we have had a few whinges and people trying to take the pee, most people have actually been very supportive and like the way we are doing it.

We aren't doing very much the traditional way either, which we have found a lot of our guests to be relived about. Table plans for example. Why should I stress myself out about who can sit next to each other and who can't? Why should i change it at the eleventh hour cos auntie madge has fallen out with cousin it? Why should our guests feel anxious about where they'll be seated? To heck with that. People can sit where they like with who they like.

TopQuark

Sorry OP, but I think it's way too much to be spending, especially when you have so much debt. Crazy in fact!

We are getting married in June in the south of France (OH is from there) and are trying to be as MSE as we can. I must admit that I was somewhat seduced at first by some of the fancy chateaux, but in the end, such places end up making guests feel uptight and unable to relax, as well as costing a bl00dy fortune!

In the end we have gone for somewhere more local and rustic, but known to the family and thus at much reduced price. And while the place isn't absolutely flawless, it has lots of Provencal charm and stunning views over the Lac de Saint Croix in the Gorge de Verdon.

My dress is coming from China, as are the bridesmaids'. We're buying the wine & champagne in bulk from discount caves in France and we're doing the invitations and decorations ourselves.

The only one extravagance is our transport between the town hall and the reception venue - we are going by helicopter. We managed to negotiate a reduced price as OH's mum's friend runs the local aerodrome. We also have a few spare seats in the chopper so we are going to hold a raffle for the guests to see who comes with us!

I really think you ought to have a sit down and serious chat with your OH about the costs involved. Yes its a special day, but it's one day. It's certainly not worth getting into debt for.

Best of luck!

Dimey

Sorry but £14k or £25k is crazy money to spend on a wedding unless you are fabulously wealthy.

You could better spend that money by paying off your debts or on a deposit for a house.

I've recently been to two lovely weddings. One cost less than £1000 and the other £6000. These people still had their happy memories in beautiful locations.

I'm wondering what kind of trouble you are in for, after you are married. I hope I'm wrong but your soon-to-be wife sounds like a spendthrift without any self control.

FBaby

TopQuark wrote: »

Sorry OP, but I think it's way too much to be spending, especially when you have so much debt. Crazy in fact!

We are getting married in June in the south of France (OH is from there) and are trying to be as MSE as we can. I must admit that I was somewhat seduced at first by some of the fancy chateaux, but in the end, such places end up making guests feel uptight and unable to relax, as well as costing a bl00dy fortune!

In the end we have gone for somewhere more local and rustic, but known to the family and thus at much reduced price. And while the place isn't absolutely flawless, it has lots of Provencal charm and stunning views over the Lac de Saint Croix in the Gorge de Verdon.

My dress is coming from China, as are the bridesmaids'. We're buying the wine & champagne in bulk from discount caves in France and we're doing the invitations and decorations ourselves.

The only one extravagance is our transport between the town hall and the reception venue - we are going by helicopter. We managed to negotiate a reduced price as OH's mum's friend runs the local aerodrome. We also have a few spare seats in the chopper so we are going to hold a raffle for the guests to see who comes with us!

I really think you ought to have a sit down and serious chat with your OH about the costs involved. Yes its a special day, but it's one day. It's certainly not worth getting into debt for.

Best of luck!

How absolutely fabulous! We were in the Gorges du Verdon this summer, such amazing scenery! What a brilliant idea to use a helicopter, that will be fantastic. The raffle is such a good idea. I can imagine the day, it will be incredible.

ERICS_MUM

what would worry me is her family. Inviting so many just to "keep the peace" and with her parents paying a chunk towards it would make me wonder just how much influence they (her parents) will expect to wield in your lives.

Are you and your fiancee "on the same page" about debt and spending generally for your future life together or is this wedding issue indicative of your fiancee (and/or her parents) expecting the best of everything ?

Sorry this sounds very negative but it's not mean to be hurtful, I've not worded it very well.

I remember years ago when my sister got married, mum and dad hired the local council hall with trestle tables. Mum and I did the buffet - sandwiches, scotch eggs, bowls of crisps etc ! Dad and brother in law to-be got the booze and rented glasses from a cash and carry place.

We had the local "disco" man and everyone had a great time ! I'm not suggesting you need to go to that end of the wedding budget but it might be worth agreeing on a happy medium.

Best wishes for the start of your married life

gadgeteer_2

I recently got married myself and I think your budget of about £25k for the numbers you are estimating are about right. Does this include a honeymoon though?

The issue I can see here is that you want different things. She wants a huge wedding, you are not as bothered so long as people are fed & watered.

Personally I could never expect my parents to pony up £15k just so you can have a big wedding that you otherwise cannot afford. Especially given you have £24k in unsecured debts and could easily chuck the £10k you've saved up towards it.

We invited 60ppl during the day and an extra 40 for the evening. My biggest regret was that I barely got time to spend with anyone. There was so much going on, so many people to talk to, so many relatives had made the special effort to come that I felt (still feel) rotten that I only managed to spend a few minutes with some. Knowing what I know now, I'd probably cut the numbers even more and do something with my more distant relatives later.

You say you want to give your fiancee the wedding she wants but don't forget that there's two people getting married here. And what you want is equally as important. She should be putting the same level of consideration towards your thoughts as you are to hers.

There is a lot of room here to save money but you'd have to cut down on the numbers. I know family politics make this trickier but you'll end up upsetting someone anyway so you may as well do it and save some money.

One phrase I heard that stuck in my mind that I think is useful to remember here.

Do you want to get married or just have a big wedding?

The wedding is just one day that trust me will FLY by. £25k is a LOT of money to spend on a single day.

Whattodonow

I'm spending £5k on our wedding, and feeling mighty guilty about that. I couldn't imagine spending £25k. I just imagine the day after thinking, "well there's £25k down the swanny". And your guests will have forgotten about your wedding within a week! It's just a party to them. I know of a couple who got into debt for their wedding, free bar all night, 100+ people (some they didn't even like). All people did was get !!!!ed and leave half drunk glasses everywhere. I didn't even get to talk to the bride and groom as there were too many people! There's no way I would want a wedding like that. But then it's different strokes for different folks...

Sounds like you've made your mind up, but if not, my one tip would be to have a look at your council's 'approved venues' list (on their webpage) and surrounding council's if you're willing to travel. You'll find some much cheaper and unusual venues on there, venues that don't splash out on advertising and therefore don;t need to charge exorbitant prices!

Good luck!

tinkerbellkirst

I agree with others that 24k is ALOT to be spending on a wedding.

My opinion of a wedding is that it is your special day, the couple, not others. You could have all singing, all dancing but really whose going to be remembering that day in years to come except from you 2? Shouldn't do anything for anyone other than you 2.