Wedding Costs - I think it's just too damned high!

jbworldwide

Just about to sign the contract for our wedding venue in April 2014. (it's a Friday as well)

110 sitting and 60 in the evening (and we had to cut people out for that) and these are all family and friends with a large portion being her family.

The venue is going to cost £14,500 as we aim to have everyone fed and watered until the evening part where they will be just fed (buffet).

Whilst discussing it with the other half we worked out a few other things and it just seems like it's going to reach the dizzy heights of £25k!!!

When I said this to my wife to be, she was ok with it stating that we had saved £10k and her parents will pick up the rest and why was I bringing this up now....

Well I thought this was a good point to pause and reflect on the actual cost of the wedding, the fact we are asking a lot of her parents and that getting credit cards out to cover some of the wedding is madness.

Then comes the "we'll just get married in a registry office then" which I know 100% is not what she wants. I don't want her to either but I cant but help at look at the cost and baulk at it.

I just want us to get married and everyone who is there to have a good time and have enough food and drink (my biggest complaint at past weddings).

Anyway silence has continued since I brought this up last night....

So I suppose the questions is... do I just suck it up and find the deals where I can to keep it as low as possible (the numbers cant really change)? Or do I continue to press the enormity of the sum of money, but what would that achieve?

I'll add now that we can afford this wedding, however I just cant get to grips with how much it will cost!

FBaby

You say you can afford it, but that's with the use of credit cards? Do you need to save for other things or are you settled otherwise? Did you discuss any limit before starting to look at venues? My OH and I were adamant that we didn't want to borrow any money and wanted enough left to enjoy a nice honeymoon so we compromised.

We decided to have less at the reception/breakfast meal and more in the evening. The reception/meal is intimate and we agreed that only close family and friends should join us for this, however, we want to celebrate and party in the evening with all our friends. We will therefore be 46 at the reception/meal and 150 in the evening.

Could this be a possibility for you?

CompBunny

The woman you are marrying is going to be your wife - I think you should bring it up with her again and talk properly. If she says the "Well we'll just get married in a registry office then" line again then say you aren't saying that you want her to have the wedding of her dreams but at the same time you want to start married life without huge amounts of extra credit card debt. Therefore you think its worth looking round a few more places as a compromise.

Eg we managed to get a deal at a country house hotel (PM me if you would like the link so you can see how lovely it is for the money!) for £2100 for a 3 course sit down meal with half a bottle of wine per person, welcome drink and toast for 60 plus evening buffet for 100 and honeymoon suite. This was negotiated down from £4,000ish.

The place we first saw and fell in love with was more like £15,500 - no way we could afford this (although I think my mum would have found the money, but I wouldn't want her to!!!), but the place we found is beautiful and perfect still - just 90% perfect instead of 100%!

Your signature says that you have debt already. I hope that your wife to be comes round and sees that you are just trying to be sensible for your future together

Whereabouts are you getting married?

jbworldwide

Thanks Compbunny

We live in Cambridgeshire but we are looking to book a venue on the Shire/Essex border. We looked at so many places and this one seems closest to ideal in terms of size and standard.

I'd love to know about this country house hotel, we love to stay in those places so a wedding would be a possibilty

Thanks FBaby

I actually think that it would be viewed as a snub for most if we didn't invite them to the day part of the wedding, playing a bit of family politics here as well for good measure


I really am just trying to ensure that we start off married life on the most stable footing possible but I do feel a bit guilty for bringing it up.

duchy

I think there is huge range of venues - and pricing. The more expensive-the better advertised they are -so do your own research - look for hotels you like the look of -that don't promote themselves primarily as a wedding venue, look at places that allow you to rent the room from them but allow outside caterers , look at places like golf clubs . I've been to a couple of registry office weddings where the registry office was a fabulous historic building and had conference facilities which were in the same style and the bride and groom used outside catering-it cost them thousands less than the hotel they first priced-and was far more original and I thought nicer.

FBaby

I actually think that it would be viewed as a snub for most if we didn't invite them to the day part of the wedding, playing a bit of family politics here as well for good measure

Then you need to weight whether this takes precedence over your financial position. OH and I decided that insuring we were not in debt was our main priority. If it meant that some people were disappointed that they were not at the reception, that's tough. They won't be the ones having to do without or stress about the debt afterwards. It's not about other people's expectation but about you and your OH.

It is hard to advise without knowing your actual financial position, what was discussed/agreed before, and whether it is a case of your OH being unreasonable in her expectations. If you agreed that you were prepared to spend that budget, but suddenly are backtracking, then I can understand her frustration (although it might make her think too and reconsider). If however you agreed on a budget and it is now spiralling our of control, then I understand your reasons for bringing it up. If you haven't discussed budget before, then now is the time to do so asap before making further decisions.

pelirocco

i know i got married back in the ice age , but our wedding was pretty cheap even for those days ( I dont do fuss or planning)married in village church, reception in local school hall ( didnt decorate it , didnt even think about it tbh ) simple buffet for 115 ! and buffet in the evening for even more and a disco . Every one had a the best time ever .
I sometimes wonder if spending such a lot of money makes for a stressful wedding and too high expectations

We went to a wedding recently where the couple had very little money to spend . They married late in the day at a hotel , a very nice buffet , cant remember the cost but i know i was amazed at how little . They invited more guests in the evening but explained food wouldnt be provided because they couldnt afford it , and no one minded in the least and again we all had a very good time

The short answer should have been , you dont need to spend so much to have a good day , after all it is just one day

pelirocco

And weddings are like Christmas , you think you will spend X , but actually spend Y and 2 days later everyone has forgotten it

CompBunny

I've PM-ed you venue details

Don't feel guilty about bringing it up with your fiancee, its important that you can talk about these things!

duchy

CompBunny wrote: »

I've PM-ed you venue details

Don't feel guilty about bringing it up with your fiancee, its important that you can talk about these things!

Have you actually sat down and discussed the finances with your fiancee's parents or is she assuming ?

floss2

duchy wrote: »

Have you actually sat down and discussed the finances with your fiancee's parents or is she assuming ?

Yes, do you actually have a budget to work to, or is it a long piece of string?

To be frank, I think your estimate of £14,500 for your reception is :eek: as that is equivalent to my take-home salary for a year.

Perhaps you need to reconsider your guest list. Friends of mine in a similar situation in a very nice 5* country house hotel decided it was everyone for the whole day - ceremony/reception/evening or not at all, and no children apart from their own kids/grandkids. This cut quite a few out of the numbers, and made their costs better value for money in their eyes.