Mr and Mrs K's New Journey to a Debt Free Life.

heartbreak_star

Can only send hugs, as I'm not sure what I want to achieve in 2015 either.

I am sure we will think of something!

HBS x

Mara_uk7

Nope, Im the same, have some ideas but scared to set them as goals incase I fail at the first hurdle. Random acts of kindness is my target for January .. One a day ! So far so good !

AlexLK

HBS: I could go through the motions and write down what I "should" be trying to achieve. However, I usually end up putting myself under pressure and I generally failed to meet last year's goals despite being given guidance in some topics. Once again I let myself and others down.


This year I want to be able to move on, forget about the past but that's not really a goal. It's also doubtful that can be achieved, tried the drugs and the talking, ended up worse.

AlexLK

Mara_uk7 wrote: »

Nope, Im the same, have some ideas but scared to set them as goals incase I fail at the first hurdle. Random acts of kindness is my target for January .. One a day ! So far so good !

That's an admirable goal, Mara. Just a pity I'm not very kind or I'd join you.


There's a fear of failure for me too but it's more just a general apathy of anything related to my life.

AlexLK

Just been reading some other diaries whilst avoiding finishing an essay for a course I started in September and currently feeling rather guilty for my issues. There are a lot of people in a position I cannot even comprehend, yet they manage to remain positive. Why I cannot is something of a mystery.

mum2one

Alex - you have achieved so much in 2014, yes some diaries may seem positive, but I think they may be focusing on a positive aspect to keep things ticking over while trying to deal with the negatives. Take me to example - I'm going to be really happy as going to Lapland for new year, that's is a massive positive, but the negatives I'm still xx amount in debt, xx amount overweight, still dealing with the issues of dad with the cancer and the blood clots. If I can have 1 goal to focus on then that will be the positive which leave the negatives trailing behind.

To me New Years resolutions how many times have we made them year in, year out yet they still get broken and then we get annoyed with ourselves for it. In a way I want mine to be goals to aim towards then if I don't get to the finish line as long as I have an achievement that be a positive xx

AlexLK

Mum2one: I am aware I tend to look at things in a negative light. Unfortunately, it doesn't seem to matter how many drugs I take or how much I talk about it, I cannot escape from the trap of negativity.

Frankly, I have no ultimate goals to achieve and have no real need to. Everybody seems to think being in my position is a good one but I don't see the point. There is no journey for me, no light at the end of the tunnel that I can one day reach and be able to say I "made it". This time a year ago I wasn't 100% sure there would be a secure future for me due to the relationship with my parents. However, now I know differently.


I'm supposed to be working today, my son is at nursery and I simply cannot be bothered. Yet if someone else said that to me, I'd likely judge them harshly. There are so many things I need to sort out in my life but after so much time has passed I simply don't know where to begin.

heartbreak_star

Know what's interesting? From my point of view, I realised a few years ago that there isn't an ultimate goal to be reached.

I became a millionaire...why am I not a billionaire?

I got my dream job...why doesn't it pay me more?

I'm a size 8...why is my hair not perfect?

I got a nice car...why isn't it a top of the range one?

Point being that if you are in the mindset of negativity, it will not matter if you are the King of the World...because you aren't King of the Universe. And if you were King of the Universe, you'd be irritated that the Universe wasn't better.

Life isn't going to give you a blue ribbon to present to your parents. It has, however, given you a comfortable position in life and a lovely, lovely little boy to cherish.

It's similar to what I said earlier in your thread about seeing objects for their function, not their label...just accept the nice things without worrying that they're not "perfect" or whatever.

(Sorry, my rambling philosophy took over again. Hope that made sense.)

HBS x

AlexLK

Thanks HBS. It all made sense and I can relate to a lot of that. You're certainly right about money; there will never be enough of it. If I knew it wouldn't run out, I could burn through millions in a month. At the moment, I refuse to pay myself anything above the contributions my wife asks for because I know I'll only spend it rather than reinvest. I understand I won't be happy no matter the amount of "things" I have because there's always something else, something that seems unobtainable, so it hardly makes sense to have money in the first place.

I wish I could be one of those people, happy with the hand they were dealt.

chevalier

Alex how can I put this erm... You mention that you tried drugs and talking, but with all due respect I don't believe that you did either of them for near long enough. With the drugs I would suggest 6 months to a year to a) find the right drug and b) show consistent positive improvements in mood from them.

Take me I had post natal depression. It wasn't diagnosed right away, and I struggled with it for nearly 3 years, before going to my drs in desparation as I was scared beyond anything about how I was feeling. I took the drugs, but because I had been depressed for so long I would honestly say it was another 3 or 4 YEARS before I felt anything like my old self. And even now 7 years on from diagnosis and 10 years on from onset, I still don't feel completely right.

Now you have been depressed for how long. How long were you having suicidal thoughts? That is far deeper depression than I ever had, and yet because you didn't see an improvement in a few weeks then it was no good. Not all drugs suit all people. You have to find the right one. I was lucky I got the right drug straight away, but it still took all that time to get me on a relatively even keel.

If you did give the drugs 6 - 12 months then I take all the above back and apologise profusely, but it seems to me that if things aren't fixed quickly you give up. And that is no good when it comes to your health.

Sorry if I am speaking out of turn.

Ref goals for this year. You have a house worth of goals don't you. Ie getting the house up to snuff, saving the money so you can do it right etc. Wouldn't that be good for your mood to finally get it all done?

What about that time away with little K, you have that still to organise?

And if you don't trust yourself with money then increase the amount you take from the business, but pay say 400 straight to the mortgage the same day you take your wages. That way you are making a dent in that, but don't have access to any extra funds?

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