This Time I'm Really Going To Do It

Chrystal

You are entitled to your grief Watty.  It was a large part of your life and dreams are not so easy to let go, but you will come out the other side and find new dreams.  Sending gentle (((hugs))) XXX

Humdinger1

Gosh @Watty1 after everything, it's healthy to let it all out.  It is a bereavement.  What I've found...without i hope being a heartless guttersnipe, which we can leave to ex's solicitor among others... is that grieving properly enables me to move on.  The heart, in the end, is a muscle.   You are wonderful, though you might not feel it right now.  Love Humdinger xx 

Slinky

Glad to hear that he's finally gone Watty, it must have been so very difficult to deal with and of course it digs up loads of what if memories. You're bound to be sad for a while, but Spring is coming, brighter days are ahead in more ways than one.

On a practical note, I'd get the barrels on the locks changed.

What happened with Watty dog?

daisy_1571

Glad this stage is over for you and hopefully some nicer communication will be happening in future  (although I'm not sure what there is for her to be threatening about now?) cutting out the solicitor.

Get it all out your system, sleep, weep, shout, scream, weep again.  There's no time limit on grief and today has bound to have been such a flatness after the adrenaline of the last few years.  Dont be surprised if you are physically ill in a day or two - a cold or tummy upset or headache etc.

Like above posts, sending much love to you, and gentle hugs 

Daisy xxx

Karmacat

Watty, totally agreeing with the others (and wondering about Watty dog, yes).  Definitely get the locks changed - he's had changes before, seeming to revert to his pleasant self.

That's for a few days time.  Right now, you're in the middle of grieving, and of come down, so just be kind to yourself.  You'll heal, though you've a lot to heal from.

Watty1

Bought a bedframe on Marketplace and a dining room table and chairs too.  They are not fabulous but they fill the space and will work until I can afford and find something that will make the house mine. I've lost some keys so if those don't turn up I will need to call a locksmith to change the locks before the court order starts anyway.  

Solicitor is threatening legal action if I don't give him the full money and pay him for x y and z.  I'm suggesting we compromise, a word I do not believe she has in her lexicon and I think the ex is just going along with her.  Sometime next week or the week after I will write and say I am not playing the game anymore.   I've told the ex he can meet me and we can work the final details out together or there will be no end in sight.  

WattyDog is with me.  After years of being taken whenever the ex likes and the ex making a right fuss Wattydog has been abandoned here while the ex is away on a training course and staying with his girlfriend and then working away.  I've quizzed the ex carefully on what is to happen to Wattydog and it seems he "wants him but doesn't think he can have him".   Apparently he is gone for a month.   Poor dog is clearly confused and distraught.   Yesterday ex and his mate were moving furniture etc and usually they have the dog with them, play with him, walk him and so on but not yesterday and then he went and didn't come back.   The dog adores the ex and it clearly is a struggle for him.  He has barked pretty much continually today.   I'm just doing the best I can.  Tomorrow I'll start walking him again (it has been a long time since I have walked him due to the horse's operation and nursing) and hopefully I can help the dog settle.  I've put a few training treats in the kitchen and am trying to break the barking with a few little bits of training that is rewarded with treats.   The nicely mannered dog is no where to be seen at the moment.

Struggling re work etc too but reminding myself this too will pass.  

Watty1

Feel dreadful.  Someone mentioned trauma bond to me and I went off and did a google.  Interesting.  Certainly describes what has happened to me over the last couple of years and how I feel.

I keep telling myself this is grief and it will pass.  Also been firm with myself about work.  The last few weeks have really taken a toll on me and whilst I have been trying to keep on top of things I really have not so quickly did the horses this morning then into the office.  Wattydog was barking furiously at the gate and I went off to see at what and met a really nice lady who moved to the area 18 months ago, very similar stories so gave her my number and suggested we meet up for a glass of wine and chat.   Anyway day of work then evening with a couple of girlfriends to watch a local drama society play (I think that is what it is anyway, to be honest I just said I would go to get out of the house and away from my thoughts for a while).

Humdinger1

Dearest @Watty1, grief can feel like an illness.  You have wonderful friends here and IRL who adore you.  You are doing the right things and will get through this with a lot of happiness on the other side and even during the process.   Is it worth seeing your doctor? Love Humdinger xx 

Karmacat

It *will* pass, Watty, but it *is* trauma, absolutely.  So, just the fact that it will pass doesn't mean it can be ignored.   Be kind to yourself, let yourself grieve, don't give any energy where you don't want to give it (eg fresh air, nutritious food, as much sleep as you can manage).

Thinking of you.

badmemory

I think you are hitting the "wall" like some people do after a major incident in their lives.  I have had 3 of these all different but all having the same effect.  Whilst it is ongoing you just get on with it, deal with it etc.  It is when it is over that the internal s*** hits the fan.  I'm still trying to decide whether it is better to fall apart at the beginiing or wait until the end.  I suspect that holding it together whilst it is ongoing is the better way as we don't land up as put upon/cheated out of something as the other way.  But as others have said it will pass.