how old is too old?!

Idiophreak

heartbreak_star wrote: »

It's either put your foot down or tell your aunt to pay for their dresses

HBS x

Yeah, just send a note saying "Hi Auntie, I'm yet to receive the £600 cheque for the two girls' bridesmaids dresses - please send it on ASAP".

Best case is she says "err, they've decided they don't want to do it". Worst case, you've got a couple of extra bridesmaids and some extra cash for another glass of booze for everyone at the wedding

floss2

heartbreak_star wrote: »

It's either put your foot down or tell your aunt to pay for their dresses

HBS x

And she can tell her daughters that they won't be bridesmaids too

GoldenShadow

Agree with the others, Aunty pays (providing you want them to be bridesmaids) or they're not bridesmaids, end of.

ska_lover

the_insider wrote: »

Thanks everyone, looks like I'm just going to have to put my foot down and tell her no. The younger of the two is only 7 and she's so excited. Extra big birthday present this year I reckon! Might be cheaper to just pay for the bleeding dresses!

Hi there,

I think you are right, to tell the Aunt straight. You cannot have people dictating to you, and as they are not close family/friends, seems to go against what being the bridesmaid is all about. The bridesmaids are supposed to be your close family or friends and to help you with the planning etc.

Timpu

I agree with the above but just want to add, please put your foot down now OP otherwise others will follow and before you know it, you've got the wedding you never wanted/can't afford.

My OH and I had to do this, tough and awkward as it was. It's saved us a lot of hassle and money in the long term and guess what, no family or friends who wanted us to do this-that-and-the-other have declined their invitations

Justengaged

Just adding my two pennies worth, but we had a similar situation as OH sister in law assumed her daughter was going to be a bridesmaid, and then OH sister assumed her daughter would be too - ridiculous position to be put in.

I wanted my sister to be my bridesmaid, and my niece (her daughter) to be my flower girl not any of OH family, I mean that in the nicest way, but my sister was always first choice without hesitation.

Best thing to do is nip it in the bud though, what I did was announce later that we were scaling down the wedding, and only have a small one, and so we wouldn't need as many bridemaids as we thought as a result.

You can then apologise (obviously this is not your fault so you don't have to mean it ), and ask if she would mind helping out with something else instead.

You could ask her to be in charge of something like asking guests to sign the wedding guest book or something similar. It gives her a job to do without getting into too much of a fuss perhaps.

Dark_Star

Do the bridesmaids dresses come in the sizes required for the other 2?

Send them a weblink & state that "as they are so far away, THEY have to pay for & get fitted into the dresses" as everyone else already HAS theirs

might persuade auntie to change her mind & I do hope you chose expensive ones heh heh heh.....course...you could always accidentally send a designer link for stupid money!

Families .....grrrr.....:eek:

rosie-lee

Could you perhaps explain that you're having a simple wedding. You would be happy for the bridesmaids to just wear any dress of their choice. Say you think the other girls are buying something 'bridesmaidy' but you are happy for her girls to wear anything of their/her choice & you look forward to seeing them on the day.

Let them walk in in front of you as token bridesmaids, which is, after all, what they are between you & your mum nudge, nudge. It won't spoil you day, but don't let her emotionally pressure you to buy them a dress for fear of offending.

The 15 yr old will be relieved, I expect!

Brighton_belle

You are just going to have to be firm - this situation was not of your making and you barely know these girls. 5 bridesmaids would be excessive for a small wedding and you don't want or need the expense or hassle.
If you go down the route of suggesting they can be bridesmaids, but have to pay for the dresses, I can guarantee the mother will kick up a fuss about this and you will still be left with hassle to sort out.

Do not get them wandering up the aisle before you - this is not what you want: again, I can guarantee their mother will ensure they are centre stage and will big up this role. She will then insist they are part of the bridal party and all sit on some head table and come to your home on your wedding day to get ready.
And I don't think, sorting the chairs or any other job will be remotely exciting for a 15 and 9 year old.

Just be firm and clear so there is no "alleged" confusion.

And yes, I do think 15 is way too old to be a flower girl - that's for age 7 and under I would think.

stephyt23

I don't blame you putting your foot down. No one should assume they have to right to be a bridesmaid just because they are family. It's YOUR wedding and YOUR choice who is a bridesmaid - after all the clue is in the name.

I'm not engaged yet but have had lengthy discussions about a wedding with my boyfriend. His sister assumes she will be a bridesmaid seeing it's his brother's wedding but there's no way this will happen. It's up to me who I have and I don't even see her that often or have anything in common with her.

Hope you get things sorted but remember that ultimately it's your day so you make the decisions.