how old is too old?!

the_insider · 1 September 2013 at 9:23PM

I have a bit of an awkward situation where my aunt has assumed I will ask my two young cousins to be bridesmaids. We are having a relatively small, casual day which is mostly DIY as our budget is limited and we really can't afford two extra bridesmaids. I already have three bridesmaids who are all paying for their own dresses but I'm not sure my aunt will agree to pay for her daughters'.
I've been think thinking we could ask them to be flower girls instead, I could make some dresses for them on the cheap.
The issue is, one of them will be 15 by the time the big day rolls round, is that realistically too old for a flower girl?

cazziebo · 1 September 2013 at 9:28PM

Very awkward! Do not envy you that problem!

15 is a bit old. Some 15 year olds look very adult so would look a bit strange dressed differently to the bridesmaids.

Could you involve them in another way - to do a reading or something?

the_insider · 1 September 2013 at 9:38PM

The main problem is that we're not a particularly close family, they live 300 miles away and I see them once a year for my grandma's birthday. So they don't really know me very well and there's a big age gap.
My aunt announced 'the girls are really looking forward to being your bridesmaids' in front of said girls and a large proportion of the family at the last gathering.
My mum tried to 'have a word' but my aunt seems pretty set on the idea!
I don't want to get all bridezilla on her so I'd really like to find a happy medium. Maybe they could be in charge of moving chairs or something!

cats2012 · 1 September 2013 at 9:43PM

i had a similar issue in that my MIL assumed her daughters (OH's sisters) would be bridesmaids. But there are 2 of them, 18 and 21, and I had already decided not even to ask any of my own friends and just have my sister and cousin because I couldn't choose from my 3-4 best friends, we were having a small wedding and OH wasn't having ushers, just his best man.

In the end, OH just had to be blunt with her and I suggest you do the same. We did give them other jobs for on the day, including helping set things up etc.

cazziebo · 1 September 2013 at 9:47PM

Not sure shifting chairs would really cut it..

Very cheeky assumption on your aunt's part - she's the one who created this dilemma! She's probably chuckling that she managed to pull this off!

Is it possible that you call her - or write to her if that's too scary- and say that you're not sure where the idea of the girls being bridesmaids first arose, and you apologise for any misunderstanding. Your three longstanding friends are bridesmaids and are paying for their dresses etc themselves. To have 5 maids would just be excessive for a small wedding. However, you would like to include the girls in some way and would like them to be ushers/readers/hand out favours at reception..delete/amend as necessary.

itsmethatswho · 1 September 2013 at 9:48PM

I've had to do the same, we are having a very small wedding, so have decided on a flower girl and page boy, MIL insists on SIL being bridesmaid (she's 20). I had to put my foot down and repeatedly say no, they didn't like it, but have since got over it and don't raise the subject anymore.

warehouse · 1 September 2013 at 9:49PM

Op it's your wedding not your Aunts. Tell her it's not happening and if she throws her toys out of the pram then don't invite any of them.

Bl**dy families!

the_insider · 1 September 2013 at 10:19PM

Thanks everyone, looks like I'm just going to have to put my foot down and tell her no. The younger of the two is only 7 and she's so excited. Extra big birthday present this year I reckon! Might be cheaper to just pay for the bleeding dresses!

Stephb1986_2 · 2 September 2013 at 7:46AM

She shouldn't just assume you was going to ask them that is out of order! I would put my foot down and tell her no too!

Steph xx

themull1 · 2 September 2013 at 10:14AM

Its amazing how many people just assume that they or their kids are going to be bridesmaids - my partner and i are getting married, and his sons girlfriend is already in a strop because she 'assumed' she would be bridesmaid! Who does that.! She's an adult for gods sake.! I just said no, and op, don't give them anything else to do for your wedding,just send them a normal invite and leave it at that!!