Afraid of not being in debt..?!

Lizloz

I know this is going to sound bonkers to some people and when putting it in writing, it sounds bonkers to me too but...I have this fear and knot in my stomach when I think about the day when we're not in debt any more, it's almost like I can't handle the thought of having more money than we are able to handle!

Now don't get me wrong, it would be absolutely wonderful to not have to worry about money but I'm almost afraid of what we will do when we do have spare cash as I keep thinking about what we have done with our money in the past and how we've wasted it on saftness and have nothing to show for it and it worries me that we could fall back in to that vicious circle.

My husband bless him has been fortunate to work a LOT of overtime over the last few weeks and by my calculations, we could pay off one of my credit cards by mid-october and I would then use that extra money to pay off others then others etc.. but the thought terrifies me for some strange reason!

It's almost like I 'like' the idea of us getting by because we both know that we can't spend money on saftness so I know it's not being wasted....do I sound weird??

Growurown

Not at all, I have this niggling worry too cos my OH loves spending money. What's he going to do with it all when we are debt free? Another hare brained scheme I expect or some expensive item of furniture which he will be bored with in 6 months time and give away. He never gets involved in the family finances, never looks at the bank account (has no idea what the passwords are) so I am seriously contemplating not telling him when the debts are paid off:rotfl::rotfl:

tallyhoh

I can understand you very well. I was left a fair bit of money a few years ago & after a lifetime of super scrimping went a bit overboard.

Well, I can tell you I felt really out of control & scared, it just didn't come naturally.

So although I have money in the bank I'm still really careful with it, I feel safer that way.

Lizloz

Oh my life...I'm so please I cannot tell you how relieved I am that I'm not the only one that feels like this! My OH is exactly the same, always moans when I try to talk to him about money..the only time I seem to get a reaction is when I get upset when I try to talk to him about it - he goes with what I say and is like "yeah, we'll sort it" but then it's almost like he's forgotten the conversation in 5 minutes and I know he's still buying 'rubbish' on the internet that we DON'T need at all but I have no control over his actions, it drives me crazy!

Not telling him sounds like a good idea but the thought of handling it on my own feels like such a weight to carry on my own....

exarmydreamer

I too, felt the need to spend any excess monies we had, it was a compulsion.

After paying off £30K debts, I/we then decided to use the excess to pay down the mortgage. So since last August we have been pushing down the mortgage balance which in turn saves us interest. It has become my/our new goal to be mortgage free. Mind you, once this is paid off, I'm not sure what we are going to do next. Pension savings maybe.

Saving never came naturally until I/we needed to pay everything off, there was always something to buy or a bill.

There was a time when I would just shop for the sake of it and it never even made me happy.:(

You are quite right in the way you feel, Lizlol, no debts means not having to control yourself to much and not questioning the needs and wants of buying everything and anything. I still come on this board, as I still find I waver on occasions and need a reality check and love the support and advice given here.

The mortgage free and saving just seems to be a natural next step after the debts have gone.

Hermia

You remind me of my aunt. Her life has been a cycle of getting out of debt and then getting back into debt. As soon as she clears her debt I notice her getting edgy and she slowly drifts back to the shops she has been avoiding for months.

Could you maybe open an online savings account or even just start a savings goals notebook? I just wondered if it would help if you wrote up some savings targets (with room for treats) obviously as you would then transition straight from the goal of clearing debt to one of saving money. I just wonder whether you'd feel better with that structure.

Mara_uk7

Definately open a savings account, Seeing the balances rise is almost as good as watching them fall when youre debt bashing. Set yourself a target .. emergency fund, then maybe a holiday, or a lump sum off the mortgage ... Congrats on getting this far.

Growurown

Lizloz wrote: »

Oh my life...I'm so please I cannot tell you how relieved I am that I'm not the only one that feels like this! My OH is exactly the same, always moans when I try to talk to him about money..the only time I seem to get a reaction is when I get upset when I try to talk to him about it - he goes with what I say and is like "yeah, we'll sort it" but then it's almost like he's forgotten the conversation in 5 minutes and I know he's still buying 'rubbish' on the internet that we DON'T need at all but I have no control over his actions, it drives me crazy!

Not telling him sounds like a good idea but the thought of handling it on my own feels like such a weight to carry on my own....

Perhaps our OH's are related!:rotfl::rotfl:

To be fair he has got a lot better recently. I've always handled the finances on my own and in the past this has been difficult because it was always him asking me for money and me saying no we can't afford it. He was so bad tempered about it that it made me unhappy and very reluctant to broach the subject of budgets/money at all. When I told him that the lack of money was not my fault so don't take it out on me, he said he wasn't - he was just angry with the situation. Didn't feel like it though, it came across as him being angry with me! What made it worse was the fact that he actually earns a very good wage, over double what I earn and it used to be 'I earn good money. I should be able to buy what I like' and he did, and every salesperson saw 'sucker' walking in through the door.

Since we went on the DMP things in a strange way have become a lot easier. Yes we had hassle from creditors and yes our credit rating is rubbish, but he can't spend what he hasn't got. So there are no more arguments, we have no access to credit and he has to save for the next gadget, or earn extra money to pay for it. Makes life so much easier:)

Puzzcat

I am just starting out on my dmp journey so it will be some time before I am in the position to worry about being debtfree.

However having been in debt for all of my adult life.. so that's 30+ years, I'm already worrying about what i'm going to worry about.

Now that probably doesn't make sense....But my days are spent worrying about money, its never far from my thoughts, and although I can't wait to begin my journey and complete it, i'm already worrying about what I shall worry about next...:D

Lizloz

I'm so glad I'm not on my own with these thoughts! You're right growurown, they could be related! Let me give you an example...we have a 2 year old daughter (turned 2 in June) so she's not at that age where she demands specific items from toy shops etc...

Now, my OH is 38 so is old enough to know better (you'd think!) - we live in a lovely detached house with a lovely garden that is split in half by a path up the garden making the two halves not so big (I hope you're following so far!) - now..about 4 or 5 weeks ago, he told me that he was looking for a battery powered car for our daughter...I told him she didn't need one yet, we couldn't afford one yet but he insisted that he wanted to look for one on ebay and he wanted to use her birthday money to buy one (note: HE wanted to use her money). I could not for the life of me talk him out of it, he was insistent on buying her one. Anyway to cut a long story short, he found this battery powered car that makes the A-Team van look tame! He said they were selling 2nd hand for £400plus but was able to get this at a 'bargain' for £200...I said the only reason I wanted him to buy it was so that we could sell it on, make a small profit to make a dent in our debts - sounds reasonable yes?! Well...the thing was brought home, he fancied it up a little and is now completely in love with this machine and is refusing to sell it even though we don't have the space or need for it! (It's no wonder I'm going so grey!).

I'm sure we'll get there one day, even if it is when our 2 year old has children of her own! lol x

Growurown

Lizloz wrote: »

I'm so glad I'm not on my own with these thoughts! You're right growurown, they could be related!

We lived in a house where there was a wood burning stove in a room we didn't use. OH gave it to a neighbour on the understanding this said neighbour would get us cheap car parts from where he worked. Never happened.

We bought a new three piece suite from DFS that took four years to pay off and just as soon as it was paid he decided that he didn't like it any more and sold it second hand for a hundred quid.

He's was always buying new electronic gadgets but they didn't do what he wanted them to do, so they were out. He just likes new stuff, new toys to play with.

Did your daughter like the battery powered car he bought for him (well it was for him really wasn't it) with her money?