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how to help someone in debt denial

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Comments

  • Do you have any debt yourself, houses_for_mouses ?

    Even if you have just a little credit card debt, I would advise your friend by telling them what you are doing to about your debt & outgoings maybe say that you found this great website MSE.com that's got threads about being debt free - and that anyone can post anything about debt & get advice & support from others.

    Then maybe mentioning that you have used a snowball calculator and you can't believe how much interest you will be paying if you only pay minimum payments etc.

    They will probably cotton on that you are trying to help them, but it might be a way in - it might help them to start talking about it themselves if you have started a conversation about yourself.
    [STRIKE]
    DFW Nerd number 729
    [/STRIKE]
    Debt Free & Proud
  • euronorris
    euronorris Posts: 12,247 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture 10,000 Posts Name Dropper PPI Party Pooper
    I like Miss Marple's approach. A lot of people don't like to ask friends for help, because they feel so embarrassed by it. So, telling them about your own situation and how you dealt with it may help them feel more at ease about opening up.
    February wins: Theatre tickets
  • allydowd
    allydowd Posts: 4,965 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture 1,000 Posts Uniform Washer Name Dropper
    How about "I was passing the library the other day and I saw this leaflet about managing debt and I thought of you." Then hand over a CAB leaflet or something similar. Followed by "I'll come with you if you want the company."
    Debt-free day: 8th May 2015 "Remember that sometimes not getting what you want is a wonderful stroke of luck," Dalai Llama
  • Bublin1
    Bublin1 Posts: 724 Forumite
    I've been Money Tipped!
    edited 28 August 2013 at 9:39PM
    To be honest the 'mind your own business' advice might be something to consider.

    A friend of mine has the 'spend now, you might not live tomorrow' attitude and she is always broke. She has been taken to court for failing to pay bills. She is a single mum to 2 boys (I mention this for a reason...keep reading!).

    I was always telling her to sell stuff on ebay, take a look at this forum, stick to a food budget but she would scoff at me.

    Well 3 days ago she asked me to be a guarantor for her. She said the APRs on the loans and cc she has are killing her. She said she found a loan company that would lend to her but only with a guarantor.
    I told her NO.
    She had the d*mn cheek to ask me if it was because I didn't trust her and she also mentioned all the money I must be making on ebay. She also said I was doing OK and told me some lies about what being a guarantor entails.

    I was so mad at her I went silent. Baring in mind I am single mother myself, the difference is, I am doing very well at managing my money and I am fortunate that I have career in a very stable industry. She chooses to work contract.
    She was taking notice of this and thought I was flush with money. I guess I also shouldn't have given her £100 when she begged for some money in the past - she couldn't buy food for the boys.

    From now on I will keep my business to myself. To everyone I will always be poor AND I cannot believe my little £2/£3 sales on ebay would generate jealousy and greed.
    Dave Ramsey Fan[/COLOR]
  • houses_for_mouses
    houses_for_mouses Posts: 11 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture Name Dropper First Post Combo Breaker
    edited 4 September 2014 at 2:01PM
    howdy. it's a long time since I posted.
    still the same worry, and now they are embarking on doubling the size of the house. They plan to build it themself.

    sadly as it's not just a friend, I can't not care at all, but due to age differences/nature of the relationship, I doubt they will listen. I don't think they really want to listen as they are living the dream.

    We haven't even tried yet, but am grateful for the suggestions here e.g. about mentioning another 'friend' in passing etc
  • houses_for_mouses
    houses_for_mouses Posts: 11 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture Name Dropper First Post Combo Breaker
    edited 4 September 2014 at 2:01PM
    Bublin1 wrote: »
    To be honest the 'mind your own business' advice might be something to consider.

    A friend of mine has the 'spend now, you might not live tomorrow' attitude and she is always broke. She has been taken to court for failing to pay bills. She is a single mum to 2 boys (I mention this for a reason...keep reading!).

    I was always telling her to sell stuff on ebay, take a look at this forum, stick to a food budget but she would scoff at me.

    Well 3 days ago she asked me to be a guarantor for her. She said the APRs on the loans and cc she has are killing her. She said she found a loan company that would lend to her but only with a guarantor.
    I told her NO.
    She had the d*mn cheek to ask me if it was because I didn't trust her and she also mentioned all the money I must be making on ebay. She also said I was doing OK and told me some lies about what being a guarantor entails.

    I was so mad at her I went silent. Baring in mind I am single mother myself, the difference is, I am doing very well at managing my money and I am fortunate that I have career in a very stable industry. She chooses to work contract.
    She was taking notice of this and thought I was flush with money. I guess I also shouldn't have given her £100 when she begged for some money in the past - she couldn't buy food for the boys.

    From now on I will keep my business to myself. To everyone I will always be poor AND I cannot believe my little £2/£3 sales on ebay would generate jealousy and greed.

    thank you for the insight
    interesting, we are keeping ourselves to ourselves too
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