how to help someone in debt denial

houses_for_mouses

It transpires that someone close to me has taken on a huge amount of mortgage debt and other debts, and is in complete denial about the risks at their age/income. They are being influenced by another party.

As well as being worried for this person who has complete blinkers on, I'm afraid it will impact on several other people in the long run, who have nothing to do with it.

How does one sensitively bring up the subject and get them to start thinking about the consequences?

It's difficult without posting all the details on an open forum.

thanks for any advice at all...

jaxsmar

Difficult one. Drop a few hints if a 'money lender advert' comes on the t.v. point out the high interest rates! talk about jobs 'never being safe' no job is for life any more. Falling incomes and welfare spending cuts have triggered an explosion in demand for emergency food parcels as Britain's poorest families struggle to put a meal on the table just a general chat about the state of the economy? If they have their head buried in the sand there isn't much you can do are they related to you?

Muhren

Could you not ask to sit down with them and tell them that you are worried about what they are doing and offer your advice on how to help them out?

If they don't want to take your advice that is fine but at least you have tried to help and given them some options for the future should they change their mind.

houses_for_mouses

jaxsmar wrote: »

Difficult one. Drop a few hints if a 'money lender advert' comes on the t.v. point out the high interest rates! talk about jobs 'never being safe' no job is for life any more. Falling incomes and welfare spending cuts have triggered an explosion in demand for emergency food parcels as Britain's poorest families struggle to put a meal on the table just a general chat about the state of the economy? If they have their head buried in the sand there isn't much you can do are they related to you?

thanks so much.
we're not related, but close to that if you see what I mean...
so thinking it probably wouldn't be me that mentioned anything...will see.

Mara_uk7

Bit Harsh "Deleted User" ? Wouldnt you care if it was someone close to you being influenced by someone else. Especially if the situation could impact on other family / friends ?

houses_for_mouses

Muhren wrote: »

Could you not ask to sit down with them and tell them that you are worried about what they are doing and offer your advice on how to help them out?

If they don't want to take your advice that is fine but at least you have tried to help and given them some options for the future should they change their mind.

thanks so much.

I think it's all we can do.

sadly they think we are the complete opposite and play things very safe so they probably won't listen. We realise we are like this, but also think there is a balance between safe and reckless.

...it's not just the banks money they are playing with now...it's made us very sad about who else is being effected.

his_missus

My best friend is in a lot of CC debt but her attitude is "Live for now, you might get run over by a bus tomorrow" and "Can't take it with ya!" seemingly unaware that it isn't her money she's spending and someone will have to pick up the bill should that bus come along.

She seemed determined to sort it out when I told her I'd become debt free but decided it meant too many sacrifices she wasn't prepared to make.

Unfortunately, until your friend is in a mindset to deal with the debt and the consequences, there's little you can do, especially if you feel they're being influenced by someone else.

Maybe try a "I knew someone who..." story realting to this friend's situation IYKWIM

415SanFran

Ihave a sister like this, she is at the point where she cannot answer the door as it will be a dept collector or another.
I once lent her £60 that I didnt really have to lend IYKWIM and as the evening wore on she asked me if I wanted to share a takeaway!
That was the last time I ever lent her money, it was about 4/5 years ago and nothing has changed she still can't answer the door, and accuses my son of having a 'dept collector knock'.
I love her dearly but sometimes I want to strangle her. Like someone else has said she is just not prepared to make the sacrifises that I would make.
Just as a side note this dept that I helped her with was for watching TV without a licence, I haven't had a TV for about 10 years because I refuse to pay the fee's.

[Deleted User]

I think debt is rather like alcohol or drug addition.

They have to want to sort it out, before they will accept help.

quantic

If I have learned anything in life, friends do not respond well to financial advice/opinions.

bargainbetty

You have the option of advising the people who will be affected and letting them make their approaches directly.

You can offer help or advice to your friend, or even tell them outright that you think they are making serious mistakes, but if the money is not yours and does not cause you financial hardship, then you will need to stay out of it if told that.