Is this normal after a break up?

beckysbobbles1

My boyfriend finished it with me over a text whilst I was on the other side of the World on holiday.

When I left for the holiday, I thought things were fine. We've been together just over a year and we had split up brielfy for two months in March but we decided to give it another go.

Looking back, I know the relationship wouldn't have lasted as we want different things from life and although he is older than me, he isn't as mature.

Anyway, I'm back now and I just feel incredible agry towards him. I said to him I feel like he was using me, and he said he was. He liked having access to my car and I was generous with money.

The day after we split up, he booked a flight to America to visit his ex of three years. Although he never had any money to pay for things when we were together.

I don't want anything to dow ith him anymore and we haven't had any contact.

But I need to get rid of these feelings of anger, I know it's not going to help me so I just wondered if anyone has any tips on how I can just let go.

pukkamum

Writing things down always help me, try writing him a letter, let all your anger out, tell him about everything he ever did that hurt you bugged you or made you angry.
Then burn it, after all you don't want to give him the satisfaction of knowing he got to you, and thank your lucky stars you saw his true colours now rather than ten years and 3 kids down the line!

Person_one

Its ok to feel angry, in fact I'd wonder what was wrong with you if you weren't angry considering how he's acted!

Sometimes you just have to go through your feelings, experience them, not try to get rid or go around. Its a natural process and the anger you feel now will subside over time until you realise you haven't thought about it for days and surprise yourself!

beckysbobbles1

Thank you. Writing things down does really help me. I have a private blog so I think I should do a new post.

I hate feeling out of control but he really hurt me.

bargainbetty

Losing a relationship is very similar to bereavement - you have lost someone you love. Even worse sometimes, but you get to see them carrying on happily without you! He may have got used to your generosity and thoughtlessly accepted it, he may have thrown this onto a credit card and will be in debt for years, it is officially no longer your business.

Grieve as you would for a lost loved one. Be angry for them going, curse over the bad bits and laugh over the good bits. Remember your strength and spend time with friends. Have a good cry.

And move on. Best of luck x

Edit: If he left any trousers there, cut the groin out of them. Funnily enough, that really worked for me.

BitterAndTwisted

Of course he wasn't mature: he dumped you by ruddy text!

Anger is part of the natural process of healing and it will pass.

Sounds like you're well rid of this idiot parasite. Just feel some compassion for his next victim, as I'm sure there will be one. Focus on how lucky you are to be shot of him

beckysbobbles1

Yes it certainly feels like that, a bereavement.

It doesn't help that I was previously married and my husband died two years ago. The ex knew all about this and he knew that I was hurt so badly yet that didn't stop him finishing with me two dats before the anniversary of his death.

I know I am well shot of the ex. I just need to pass through this anger stage without doing anything silly.

louby_lou

How about running - or any cardio - maybe boxercise or a martial art?

And yes journaling is great. Good luck, I am sure you will be fine you sound like you're doing very well considering his cowardly break up technique

beckysbobbles1

Thank you. I'm actually feeling better already. I just wrote a little blog post. I did a list of all the negative things regarding the ex and balanced it with all the positives I have in my life.

I have a bikram yoga session tonight so I think that will also help.

Corelli

What a low life bit of flotsam he is. I'll second the idea of doing something physical to work the anger out, and to keep writing. Shouting and/or singing very loudly can be good too. Perhaps somewhere where you can be alone, or I've heard creative ideas like being under a railway bridge as a train goes over, no-one would hear you then. Chucking stones into water is rather good too.

It can be nice to get into a natural space and feel the weather, good luck and heal soon. Hugs.

loubie_lou

I got dumped by text after 18 months with a guy. Never felt so angry or bitter. But you'll get over it. Don't let him see that he got to you, you'll feel better for it. These guys sooooo aren't worth it