I've got myself into a MASSIVE debt in 9 months...

Lips_and_Lashes

I'm gob-smacked after reading your story. It has been one hell of a journey you and your wife have been on and in all honesty, I can't believe that its 'real life'.

I feel so sorry for you, you've dug a deeper hole and it is going to be a big uphill struggle to get out of, BUT as proved by the threads on this forum, it can be done.

I hope you can see your situation for the real seriousness it is. It isn't going to be all fixed within a year or two but you can hugely improve it. Imagine the feeling of owing no-one nothing!

Cut out the new car and the holidays - they are luxuries in the life.

Find a new house mate or somewhere cheaper - those are the options you have. If you choose to stay put then you are not helping yourself. Remember, it is only temporarily.

As for the wedding abroad, I'd politely decline as you cannot afford it. For the record, not many people could! I'm sure your wife's family will not want you declining further in debt for the sake of attending a wedding. It is sad but worst things have happened, and its all for a better future.

Take the advice you've been given and run with it. I'd recommend getting in touch with one of the free debt charities such as Step Change. This forum is a wealth of support and we would love to see you stick a round to join us in getting rid of your debt.

Pepperoni

Glad to see your update and that you seem to be realising that your debt is quite serious. It's a shame but I don't feel like your wife is on the same page and that is quite worrying. I do hope she comes to see how serious it all is too - and realises that a car or attending her brothers wedding really isn't possible because you're still paying off the 'past'. Best of luck - I've subscribed and hope to keep reading about your journey and the things your doing to bring that debt down!

ETA - I'd probably not be going on the SA trip... Sorry to say but chances are you will spend more than you think - its easy to get carried away when on holiday mode. Perhaps you may not - but what about your wife?

ViolaLass

Will your wife really want to attend the wedding in Cape Town? If so, perhaps you could use it as a spur to make her join you in the money-saving that you need i.e. "If we don't get a car/move house/you earn x extra each month" or whatever targets you want to set, "then we can put y amount towards going to the wedding"

It's a slightly risky strategy and I would use it only if not going would really upset her/you but it's one to consider.

Pepperoni

Or could you change the flights to go there this year for a date when the wedding is?!

lee111s

Pepperoni wrote: »

Or could you change the flights to go there this year for a date when the wedding is?!

They're bought and paid for, doubt the airline would allow a change to an unspecified date possibly 2 years away.

greensalad

I should've checked the OP date.

I'm still flabbergasted you spent £11k on a party. Defies all logic.

[STRIKE]Your total monthly minimums equal £496. You say you can throw £1000 at your debt.

I'd pick an order of what you're going to pay off first (starting with your wife's barclaycard) and pay the £504 you have left exclusively to that each month. You'll be able to pay off the BC in about a year and the Halifax credit card not long after that. If you stick to paying the minimums on everything plus the £504 you have, it'll be doable.[/STRIKE]

Pepperoni

lee111s wrote: »

They're bought and paid for, doubt the airline would allow a change to an unspecified date possibly 2 years away.

They'd have to wait for the wedding date to be confirmed. But its not unknown for people to change dates - yes there would be fees involved BUT at it would still be cheaper than x2 potential trips there.

ViolaLass

Pepperoni wrote: »

They'd have to wait for the wedding date to be confirmed. But its not unknown for people to change dates - yes there would be fees involved BUT at it would still be cheaper than x2 potential trips there.

I agree. IF it can be done, it would be a neat solution though I fear lee111s may be right (if they were early bird tickets, changes may well not be allowed).

It would be worth investigating though.

Hillbilly1

I agree with the OP suggesting change the flights to the brothers wedding,

All spending and debt accrued has been about priorities - what is important to you at the time. We all make poor choices at times and this is life.

However if your wife is still not up to speed, and she isn't if you are cancelling a trip in your mind and not pushing this with her - you need to make her choose priorities.

Is it to live a life fre of debt eventually and be free to save and make your own choices, or is it to keep spending and be at the mercy of others?

Perhaps giving her the ultimatum of 1 trip to SA in the next 2 years will force her to make choose when she wants to go, and remind her everyone on here is saying don't go at all.

Busy_Mee

Well done for having the difficult conversation with your wife.
Just a few observations/suggestions

Why don't you check whether the Ibiza flight tickets can be transferred and therefore sold ? Would give you some extra money towards your debt

Your decision re the car is a no brainer- you can't afford it and can manage without it.

I agree with others check whether the flights to SA can be postponed, but if not go and whilst you are out there explain to the in-laws that you won't be making the trip again for at least a couple of years because you cannot afford it because of the debt you have accrued as a result of your wife's immigration and the wedding. They should understand. If her brother looks set to get married in the next couple of years then invite them to come across and see you after the wedding.

With regard to the flat - you actually don't have a choice. You cannot afford to stay there on your own, so you either find somewhere cheaper or get a lodger. Why not get a Monday to Friday lodger, so you can have at least the weekend to yourself.

I know these are all hard choices, but if you make them and throw everything you can at paying your debt, then you will maintain the ability to make choices. If you don't and end up either bankrupt or in DMP then all lines of credit will be closed to you and you will be made to pay your creditors effectively taking away any choice you had.

Finally why don't you start a diary on the debt-free wannabe section above this and post regularly - there are lots of people in a similar situation, who can give you support and keep you on the straight and narrow