I've got myself into a MASSIVE debt in 9 months...

Granariesgirl

Good luck weebit!

helptoyou

weebit wrote: »

Also... we're planning on having a wedding party also. We got married in February in a small ceremony in South Africa in order to make it easier to apply for the visa (we were already engaged before the troubles started, so we just moved it forward). We feel like we've missed out on doing the wedding properly. This will probably take place in about a years' time and we have a budget of between 4k-5k.

Where is this budget coming from ?? I would totally forget this and use towards debt.

Siouxsie32

You have a £4-5k budget or you think that's what it will cost for the wedding party you want? MASSIVE difference!! You can't seriously be trying to keep the wolves from the door in one sentence and talking about spending money you don't have on a party in the next. If you have the money set aside, use it now to pay down the debt. If you don't have it, where is it coming from and how does it fit into your debt busting plan?

Got to agree with helptoyou, I think it's a nice idea in an ideal world, but you're not living in an ideal world are you? How serious are you about paying your debt off are you? Would you rather have no overdraft, no Housing Benefit arrears and no Barclaycard bills plus a small gathering of your closest friends when your wife returns home to celebrate, freeing up £120 extra each month to pay towards another debt...or would you rather keep paying off the minimum amount for years more but have a wedding party? Your honest answer to this will speak volumes about whether you can realistically tackle this debt or not.

weebit

The honest answer is that we want the wedding that the UK Border Agency cruelly denied us. My story is actually a lot more complicated than I've noted above and involves my wife's dad dying while my wife's passport was with the UKBA and it took us 7 weeks to get it back from them (with a valid UK visa I might add) which meant the funeral was delayed until she returned to South Africa and she was unable to be with her family at that time.

We had loads of things planned regarding our wedding on paper before all our troubles began. Our original plan was to get married in April 2014 in South Africa (its much cheaper there) and then to have another (much cheaper) party in London for all our friends and family in the UK who couldn't make it down to Cape Town. But when all our troubles started we changed our plans, instead we planned to marry in South Africa in December 2012, but when we got to the registry office on our wedding day we were told they couldn't marry us. Turns out because I was not a South African national, I needed additional paperwork to show my single status which was something which we were not told about! So we rearranged it for February 2013 to give us time to get the right documents. We had a small gathering of friends in December but because it was a last-minute thing (less than 2 weeks notice) and it was on a Friday (the only day we could get), not many people were able to make it.

We started planning of my wife's return which we expected to be in June this year, but our bad luck continued when our application was denied by the British Consulate in Cape Town. This was down to us missing one vital piece of evidence that our immigration lawyers forgot to tell us we needed. So we re-applied at the end of July. We're expecting a decision to our second application towards the end of September.

But because we were expecting her back in June, we had planned a party in September this year and had made loads of enquires into everything: the venue, the food, decorations etc. Everything was to be done to a budget. We were going to prepare a lot of the food ourselves, we'd go to New Covent Garden Flower Market and make our own table decorations etc. The Wedding forum on MSE was a real help. Also, a mate of mine used to front a rock band and he said he'd put a band together especially for our wedding. They had been practicing a lot and had a number of warm-up gigs booked too.

But when the decision came through from the UKBA, everything got cancelled. Thankfully we hadn't signed any contracts or handed over any money at this point so we didn't lose any money.

So the plan now is to have the party sometime in 2014 in London. We don't know yet when this will be but will probably be in the summer when we have nice weather. This is something that we need to do in order to maintain some normality in our lives. the £4-5k budget mentioned is the amount we're prepared to pay for it. We owe this to all our friends and family who have been so supportive of us throughout our entire ordeal. It's not going to be a grand affair, but we have so many friends we need to thank.

I know you're all going to think we're crazy, but honestly, we have reigned in our original plans so much to compensate for our change in circumstances. In the grand scheme of things, £4000 isn't much compared to how much even a small wedding costs and compared to our amount of debt. We'll have easily paid £8-10k by the time our wedding comes around anyway, and will continue to pay it off afterwards. We're not trying to escape our debts or try to convince ourselves that things are not as bad as they seem. We fully understand our situation and want to tackle it head-on, but also have a good time for one night next summer.

harrys_dad

weebit wrote: »

I know you're all going to think we're crazy, but honestly, we have reigned in our original plans so much to compensate for our change in circumstances. In the grand scheme of things, £4000 isn't much compared to how much even a small wedding costs and compared to our amount of debt. We'll have easily paid £8-10k by the time our wedding comes around anyway, and will continue to pay it off afterwards. We're not trying to escape our debts or try to convince ourselves that things are not as bad as they seem. We fully understand our situation and want to tackle it head-on, but also have a good time for one night next summer.

So the "honest answer" is that you will slow down debt repayments to spend £4000 on a party, despite earlier saying you are freelance with no guaranteed income for yourself. Whilst your story is unusual, and I have some sympathy, you are really just trying to justify the unjustifiable. I shall stop reading now.

poppasmurf_bewdley

weebit wrote: »

We fully understand our situation and want to tackle it head-on, but also have a good time for one night next summer.

To be very honest, you have taken my breath away. This must go down as the all-time most stupid reasoning ever to appear on these forums.

To spend £4k for a good time for one night - even IF you could afford it - which you cannot - defies all logic. You can celebrate a marriage in a Register Office with two witnesses for about £150. You get the same result.

weebit

poppasmurf_bewdley wrote: »

To be very honest, you have taken my breath away. This must go down as the all-time most stupid reasoning ever to appear on these forums.

To spend £4k for a good time for one night - even IF you could afford it - which you cannot - defies all logic. You can celebrate a marriage in a Register Office with two witnesses for about £150. You get the same result.

Like I said, I know you're all going to think we're crazy, but we're already married but we didn't have a proper wedding party. I know logically speaking, we shouldn't have a party at all and should plow all or efforts into reducing our debt, but it's something we need to do. We've done the marriage part, we just need the wedding to go with it.

dancingfairy

I was going to say, that your current money worries seem a bit of a blip but then read your comments about your wedding. I can understand why you want to have a wedding party though and 4k doesn't sound too bad for a wedding.
I hope you can get your wife back soon and you can start making a massive debt in that debt and saving like mad for your wedding
df

Siouxsie32

weebit wrote: »

I can't risk yet another 6 years of a bad credit file.

I think you need to be realistic and accept that this is exactly what's going to happen. You are prioritising a wedding party over paying off your debts (which is entirely up to you, I'm only observing, not judging) and from what I can gather, you racked up a lot of this debt because your income was too low and your outgoing were too high (again, not judging. I know you have had a complicated few years but ultimately you haven't earned enough to support your lifestyle). This isn't going to change in the short term and I doubt it's going to change in the medium term either so it's maybe a good idea to visit your local CAB and see what they can advise. Be honest with them and they'll be on your side.

John1993_2

weebit wrote: »

The honest answer is that we want the wedding that the UK Border Agency cruelly denied us. My story is actually a lot more complicated.

Well, not really. You are going to spend thousands of pounds on a party rather than spending it on paying back your debts.

No matter how you dress it up, that's what you are doing.