missing a childhood home

gillypoof

this is me getting it all of my chest.
2 years ago i moved back to wales to the family house.my father had died a few years back and my mother had accepted a nice cottage in the village from a housing association.
i wanted to move back,i was bought up on the small holding with my grandparents and love the place.
the farm had been left to me by my grandparents,shortly before my gran died my mother got her to change her will so that she and my father could live there and then it would be passed to me.
the first thing they did was knock down the old stone cottage and build a large modern bungalow. something i reluctantly agreed /signed to as my mother had plans to run a small respite care home.
that never happened. slowly all outbuildings went,the pig sties the stable the old barn.
yes electricity was bought to the site where as before there was none and all heating and cooking was done on the range,our water from the well.
i digress,so i moved back.my mother had not moved out,she had cleared one room for me. i had been there 3 days when we had a row. she has not spoken to me since,telling me that i had shamed her by going to the family solicitor to see where i stood.
i received a years tenancy,moving out on her say so when it was up,after one year she moved back in.
she has not spoken to me since.
all that i can live with but i miss the land so badly,it seems i am in the position of waiting for my own mother to die before i walk the land again.
its a rant,i know.sometimes the heartache of not seeing the hills and river are as painful as any heartbreak.
thank you for taking the time to read this.

Dunroamin

I wouldn't have too many more rows with your mother about this or she'll leave it to the cats' home!

rozmister

Dunroamin wrote: »

I wouldn't have too many more rows with your mother about this or she'll leave it to the cats' home!

It's not hers to leave to the cats. The OP's gran left it almost in trust so the mother can live there but when she dies it will pass to her daughter rather than being the mothers to do as she pleases with.

mountainofdebt

I know it won't be the same view but any chance of going to the area and soaking in the atmosphere?

choille

If your Mother has right to live there until she dies, then how come she knocked it down?

Surely she didn't have any rights to do as she wished with what was held in trust for you?

It all seems a bit odd - a one year tenancy from your Mother?

Families are funny beasts & you kinda need to seek legal advice on this one I think. Don't sound like there's much respect being shown.

Are you hankering after a better time in the past? Hankering after something that's gone for good? It is all part & parcel of grief as well & maybe there's more to your post than you realise on the surface...if that makes sense?

meritaten

or you could see it as 'this is legally your mothers home until it passes to you'. she welcomed you when you returned by preparing a room for you. you don't mention that the will entitles you to live there BEFORE your parents pass on. So I assume your parents didn't have any restrictions under Grandparents will what they could or couldn't do with it. so in effect it passed to them but you must inherit the land from them.
and you will in due course. its a shame it isn't the same as you remember - but perhaps your mum didn't have such fond memories of the hard work involved in running a farm without running water or electricity? she probably feels she has improved your inheritance and you are one very ungrateful child? I am not saying she is right - but I DO think you are remembering your childhood with the aid of 'rose coloured specs'. YOU were a child and wouldn't have been doing the hard work. its a shame the original building has gone and so have the outbuildings - but farmers cannot afford to be sentimental and your parents may have been trying a new venture in order to 'survive'?

Dunroamin

rozmister wrote: »

It's not hers to leave to the cats. The OP's gran left it almost in trust so the mother can live there but when she dies it will pass to her daughter rather than being the mothers to do as she pleases with.

You don't know that it's been set up in that formal way - it might have just been stated as an intention.

owen_money

choille wrote: »

If your Mother has right to live there until she dies, then how come she knocked it down?

Surely she didn't have any rights to do as she wished with what was held in trust for you?

The OP wrote,
'The first thing they did was knock down the old stone cottage and build a large modern bungalow. something i reluctantly agreed /signed to as my mother had plans to run a small respite care home'.

I am always amazed at how many people make comments but never actually properly read what people have written.

Amanda65

So what happened to the housing association place your mother was given? Why did she move back into the cottage?

Some of the changes sound an improvement - electricity and running water for example - and if you didn't want the cottage knocked down, why did you sign to say it could be? I know your mother said she was going to run a business but if you had to sign to have works done, that sounds as though you have rights to the property, in which case I am confused as to why you could only live there for a year? Did the will say your mother had rights to make you move out of a property you seem to effectively own, albeit with a tenant who has the right to be there for life.

Sorry for so many questions but I am really confused

meritaten

The way I read it is that the will actually passed the property down to OPs parents but stipulated that it must go to grandchild when parents are deceased. OP thinks that means she 'owns' the property - when in law her parents do. there must have been some clause in the will about changing the buildings for OP to have to co-sign - which she did and shouldn't whinge about it now.
I think her attitude stinks actually - right now its her mums property and although it must be left to her she has no right to treat it as her own.

choille

owen_money wrote: »

The OP wrote,
'The first thing they did was knock down the old stone cottage and build a large modern bungalow. something i reluctantly agreed /signed to as my mother had plans to run a small respite care home'.

I am always amazed at how many people make comments but never actually properly read what people have written.

I did read the post Mr Rude Person.

The post doesn't stack up logically.