The impossible dream

Tahlullah.H

Sometimes, it takes time to find your path when someone is so toxic, especially if it is all you have ever known.  My mother doesn't know what happened to her lovely daughter who was always happy and friendly.  Nothing happened, beyond my seeing her for what she was, still is and what she has done to the whole family.  Of course, I sometimes feel guilt for stepping away from an 88 year old woman - you know how it is, lots of people say 'she is old, you should forgive, she is your mother, you only have one'.  But, those people probably had wonderful childhoods and have no sense of how damaging a parent can be.

I hope you are able to make your sister feel good about herself and her place in the family MFD.  I can't give my sister that feeling, but I try to make sure she knows she has a sister that has her back.

savingholmes

I think a lot of people guilt trip others full stop.

Many of us had difficult childhoods and people don't suddenly get free of that baggage - including our parents. I get it.

Moneyfordreams

My sister has always had a strong positive influence - I think that is why the other one always nit-picked or sniffed at her. The sad thing is, we although we have had no contact with her in around 15 years, i can see those traits developing between my daughters. Hopefully DD2 has moved away from that now. 

I hope your mum realises the value of what she is missing.

Tahlullah.H

No, my mother will never realise the value of my sister.  She is 88 and stuck in her ways.  She hated my sister from birth and now it is stronger than ever.  Ingrained, but not knowing what caused the seed to be planted and grow, it can't be uprooted now it is a great Oak.   She doesn't have the foresight or self awareness to recognise that a child couldn't have done anything to an adult, it's all on the adult.  So no, she will never realise what she has lost.  Her loss, because she effectively lost her entire family as a result.  From a family of 6, the only person who is still there, is me.  And I won't tolerate her speaking badly of my sister, so she doesn't even have me very often.

On a happier note, I topped up my coal bunker before winter comes.  Have been using it and my wood stock to keep the house warm, rather than using the gas central heating.  Wood (so far) is free, coal and gas are not, so being thoughtful with my heating and expenditure.  Anyway, the coal has gone up extensively, but can't be helped.  Glad I got it now rather than closer to winter when no doubt it will go up again.

Went to the hairdresser last week, needs must.  Tried on the outfits I already own in preparation for the upcoming wedding.  Luckily everything fits, so really happy I don't need to spend on new frocks.  Just the wedding money to pay.  Never know what an appropriate amount is to pay in these circumstances.  A present is not wanted as they already have everything they need.

I was reading an article in the Telegraph about a woman who moved from a house in Rotherham to a cottage in Derbyshire and still has a 28 year mortgage, and is complaining she cannot afford the mortgage payments.  I read all the comments, but the thing that interested me was, having looked at the photo of her standing in her garden, what is the difference between a house and a cottage?  Nothing about the house that I could see spoke of a 'cottage'.  I wonder what the majority of people think a 'cottage' is?  The word conjures a particular image in my mind, and the photo of her current house is not it.  Somehow, we have become free and easy with our language, utilising it to sell a house or to create house envy in others.

Anyway, nothing currently happening on the mortgage repayment front.  Hoping to pay down this stray £300 this month, to tidy up my payments  The end of August will hopefully show I have achieved this aim.

Going on holiday in September, need to think about saving a bit more towards the cost.  Already have some money put away towards it, but will need topping up to make it a comfortable holiday, rather than one where I am watching what I spend the whole time.

Food/supermarket costs still going up, getting less for more.  Managing to control my diesel spends with trips to the office restricted to once a week.  Not doing any work on the house, which is badly needed, but hopefully, I will get my mojo back in relation to this next year, when I have cleared the mortgage.  I feel I need a success under my belt to be able to smile and then set another target.  I already know it will include paying off the car loan. Once done, I should then be able to save towards employing a painter/decorator builder etc, to start on the inside of the house and perhaps the outside.  So much to do, but all in good time.  Just reach this end point, clear the mortgage by the end of the year.  Everything else can wait.

savingholmes

Families can be very difficult. It's sad. Can relate.

Anyhow - you are doing great on the mortgage. All sorts of options will open up once free of that. 

Tahlullah.H

Thank you Savings.  Mortgage payment made today.  Another step to MF.

Tahlullah.H

Received written confirmation from Calor they owe me £1400.  Great, but still not in my bank account.  Should be paid in August, but I have patience and can wait until September before jumping up and down.  Will use the lump sum towards the mortgage when it eventually arrives.

The other letter was to say my mortgage interest for last month, to be paid is £23.  Really enjoying these small payments.  Looking forward to the point where the income in my accounts is greater than the mortgage debt, so no interest to pay.  I anticipate it will be in October.

Still been hitting the CC.  Not panicking about it at present.  Just waiting for pay day and will transfer the money into the holding account.  Sometimes, they spending just runs away with you.  At least I am aware I have been spending a lot.  Won't get much worse, unless my savings for my holiday are inadequate.  If they are, the visa bill will get bigger.  I am not compromising on my holiday.

Countdown to my jollies.  Really looking forward to a week off.  But, due to bad timing, I will probably have to do some work.  At least there will be no pressure as I will be on leave.  So, have work laptop, will travel!

Coming up to 4 months to Mortgage Freedom!  Still not clear on how I will celebrate, apart from closing this diary!!

TallGirl

Well done on the refund hope it arrives soon reducing those numbers even further. Shame about having to work on holiday hope you can still switch off. 

Tahlullah.H

Cheers for the good wishes @TallGirl.  No chance to switch off as looking at the ATJF ILTA.  Closing date 15th, so a lot to do.

Had a successful Audit today, so everyone really happy.  Only picked up on one thing, the wrong start code!  The Auditor just changed it.  So, all good.

So, just waiting to see what happens next with my finances, when I eventually get some money back.  Untill then, plodding along.

savingholmes

Great news about the upcoming refund