Partners son and problem with friends.

dandelionclock30

My partners son is in his early 20s and has had problems with depression and has low self esteem/ anxiety issues. A few weeks ago he went round to see one of his friends and she was sat outside with an much older friend. His fiend asked him to sit down on the garden bench, son sat down but was squashed,hes a big bloke and the older friend said all the weight thats on this now etc. Son decided to sit on the ground instead and person said at least all the weights off it now.
Son has been trying hard to slim and has been eating healthily and doing gym sessions etc. He replied in very strong terms he did swear that the man was being offensive and snidey etc and was basically being nasty.
Friends friend, then began to square upto him, with his fists clenched etc. Son said if you do anything to me Im calling the police. The man kicked my sons bag hard at him, my son said he was calling the police etc.Son left the garden and the actual supposed friend said that if he did call the police then she wouldnt be a witness etc and that her friend always made remarks about her weight etc and she didnt mind. Well my son did mind and was upset.He slammed the gate on the way out of the garden.
When he came home,he said that he didnt want anything further do with his friend and that was it if she was going to sit there and not say anything whilst he was insulted.
A couple of weeks later my son was coming out of a local shop and saw his friend outside.He proceeded to ignore her and she pushed him in his side and was shouting and swearing at him calling him all sorts etc. He ignored her and walked off and she continued to shout and scream at him.
He is now not wanting to go to the local shops at all now and is getting the shopping elcewhere because he is worried about getting assaulted in the street etc. I have advised him that if the friend does push him again or do anything elce then he should just walk away etc. I personally dont think calling the police would be a good idea. Its just a pain if he has to stay away from the local shops and why should he? but he doesnt want any further trouble with this ex friend.

19lottie82

This guy is in his twenties, he's an adult.

If you mist get involved tell him to ignore her and get on with his life.

We all come across unpleasant people, and fall out with friends at some point.

Gigglepig

It sounds to me like the son does not have the best social/interpersonal skills - if he were a child I would suggest doing some ativities where he would interact confidently with others, but he is a grown man so you can't baby him.

Sounds like he overreacted, and that his friend thought so as well? As adult you come across people who aren't very nice but you just get on with it.

When he met his friend again she was probably angry that he blanked her, instead of maturely talking to her about what happened, and she behaved badly.

To me it sounds like threatening with calling the police was a bit over the top (they have better things to do surely)?

if he is a big guy in his early 20s a woman giving him a push would be annoying and unpleasant, but not really threatening. If i were him I'd still do my shopping the same place, if she tried to attack him she'd probably just bounce off him, if he is a big guy? Unless she is a very big, strong girl.

dandelionclock30

Thanks for the replies, he did overreact and lose his temper he admits that this was wrong.However, this friend of a friend had been making nasty and uncalled for comments at him for a while.From what I can gather it was the final straw. He threatened him with the police because he felt very threatened at the time.
He does lack confidence and is quite a shy sensitive person. I have spoken to him about walking away at the first sign of trouble etc. I just dont want him getting pushed and abused in public as its not very good really.

hgotsparkle

Teach him to laugh off insults - it soon stops them.

ecgirl07

Is there a karate or tae kwon do club local he can join? Its a good way to keep fit and would give him confidence in himself to stand up to bullies without having to resort to using his self defense skills iyswim?

BitterAndTwisted

Helicopter parents. Stop hovering over him and let him solve his problems on his own, like the adult he's suppose to be.

If his solution is to avoid the local shops in order to not bump into this former alleged friend, then so be it. Seems entirely sensible to me.

marisco_2

Sorry OP but they all sound really immature to me; making rude comments, not walking away, things getting out of hand, aggression, threats to call the police, refusal to back a friend, gate slamming. Good grief that is playground behaviour, not what you expect to be going on when people are in their early 20s.

Instead of blanking his friend your son could have taken the opportunity to talk to her when he saw her next. Perhaps they could have calmly sorted things out between them. I don't approve of her pushing him or shouting and screaming at him in the street, that is fishwife behaviour. However things may not have escalated to that point if the situation had been handled better. Now your son doesn't even feel able to go to the local shops for fear of what may happen next.

Stay out of it is my advice and let your son and his friend sort it out between themselves. This is one of those life lessons on how not to handle things, to the point that they spiral out of control to this degree. Hope it all settles down soon.

dandelionclock30

BitterAndTwisted wrote: »

Helicopter parents. Stop hovering over him and let him solve his problems on his own, like the adult he's suppose to be.

If his solution is to avoid the local shops in order to not bump into this former alleged friend, then so be it. Seems entirely sensible to me.

.

I would'nt really say that I was that, but obviously I am bothered about him etc.