Parental rights if I pass away

jeanniefaethecarse

Happy Bananna's thread here got me thinking about my own situation and what would happen with them should I pass away.

I was not married to my ex partner although we had four children in the 17 years we were together. We've been apart for 12 years now, and I had a struggle getting him to pay any child support towards the childrens' upkeep, in fact he paid about £50 over an eight year period. Once he settled down and married two years ago, he did start paying a small amount monthly (through the CSA) and continues to do so. He does not, however want anything to do with the children and they have not seen him since he left for his new, child-free life 12 years ago. Indeed, he didn't tell them where he was living, nor that they had a new stepmother etc. They found that out through their grandmother. His new wife wants nothing to do with them as she feels she has her own children to deal with.

My two older children are 25 and 20, and therefore out of the situation. My younger two are 15 and 13, so this question really pertains to them.

I married five years ago, and my husband has "taken on" the children as his own. All of them, including the older ones, treat him as Dad and he treats them no differently to how he would treat his own natural children were he to have any. He has supported them both financially, and emotionally, even before we married and been, in every way, a wonderful dad to them.

I've recently been diagnosed with cancer. I have every hope and expectation that the treatment will work and all will be ok, however as usual, I'm making contingency plans, and had not actually thought about what happens if the treatment doesn't work and I die.

Does my current husband have (as he wishes to have) parental rights? Will the younger children be allowed to stay with him? Will the CSA pay him the child maintenance money (and substantial arrears) In short, will he be able to carry on as my natural father did when he was left with my sister and I after my own mum died at an early age or will there be a huge stooshie about who gets to look after the children legally.

Do I need to make this clear in a will and will a court pay any attention to either my wishes or the wishes of the children? Failing my husband, can my elder daughter and son take on responsibility for them?
I genuinely have no clue, but want to make some sort of provision just in case the worst happens.
Many thanks for any help - Jeannie.

Errata

The younger children are old enough to decide who they want to live with when you kick the bucket - even if that happens tomorrow.

pmlindyloo

A lot depends on whether the father of your children was named on their birth certificate (and when this happened) or whether he acquired parental responsibility later on.

There is some good information here:

http://www.gingerbread.org.uk/uploads/media/17/7026.pdf

and you can telephone them if you have further questions.

jeanniefaethecarse

Thank you for pointing me in the right direction. I really appreciate it - Jeannie

themull1

Good luck with your treatment, i hope you make a full recovery.xx

meritaten

belt and braces - make a will naming your OH as guardian - and the kids are old enough that the court will take their wishes into account.
plus his previous behaviour is a matter of record.

or you could forgo maintenance and your OH could adopt them - this would automatically curtail your ex's legal rights - and he may be willing to do this as it would stop the maintenance.