Advice Needed please- to stay or move?

lindsaygalaxy

Hi all

I really need some advice and would appreciate your thoughts.

Ok, heres the history, the short version! Me and my ex were together over 4 years. In that time, we had a daughter, who is now nearly 3. We lived together most of that time, and being young and not so sensible got in a lot of debt! (about 20,000 each!) About 2 years into the relationship he told me he had kissed 2 other people, and the trust was never the same. We argued a lot and after one huge arguement, i packed his stuff and he moved out. It wasnt pretty and police were involved several times.

After much arguing and fighting, especially over money, he moved to ireland where some of his family live. I met someone new but circumstances changed and it ended. I was pregnant with my exs baby ( we may not have got on but we still slept together sometimes, daft i know). but i lost the baby and he told me he still loved me , and i still love him, so we decided to give it a go, but no one knows as neither family or friends would be too happy about it.

But he wants us to move over to ireland with him, for a few years to sort ourselves out and be a family again. But im unsure, with a rocky past and my life being here im not sure. My daughters at nursery here, and all my family and friends here, my life is. With A LOT of hardwork i managed to get my and my daughter a nice new house that we love.

On the otherside, we can try again as a family, and as he is living with his dad, would have no outgoing really and could really start to pay off my debt, wher i can only pay minimal here.

I just dont know what to do! Please help!

lynzpower

I woould be very wary. What would happen to your debt if you moved abroad ( as Ireland isnt the UK, unless you mean nortern ireland?) I dont know just a thought.

Is the house you have now bought or rented?

lindsaygalaxy

Hi

Its rented, on a year contract with 6 month get out clause. But it took me a long time to find a landlord to take on someone with housing benefit an da young child even though i work so i dont wanna let him down. I would just carry on paying my debt plan that i have and save to pay off lump sums.

poe.tuesday

this surely is a two part story, one about being with your partner and the other is about your finanacial situation

The latter can be sorted out where ever you are, be it slowly living here or be it faster living in Ireland.

I think the main issue is about your relationship, you didn't trust this man and it caused you to split up, what has now changed that you now can trust him?

beard0609

Have to argee this is two parts..
One the debt which you seem to have made a payment plan for
two your ex partner..

I think with the second one you can look at it two ways either as poe.tuesday said you didn't trust him and you split up so what if anything has changed or turning it around if you didn't give it another go would you be wondering in 5 years what if?

misty

Is it possible for him to move back over here? If it was just the two of you - you could give it ago at least you would know one way or another. However, as you have a child who is settled in a nice home and a nursery, I would be reluctant to make a change at this stage.

nats3006

i would stay!!

liz105

He's being rather selfish asking you to uproot your child when he could come over here isnt he?

ailuro2

No, you have made a new life for yourself and your child, you have overcome obstacles to get where you are. Stick with it and you'll be debt free one day.

Fall in with a partner who is making promises of how it might be isn't the easiest thing to turn down, but I suspect you know in your heart you'd end up having to start all over again when it went wrong.

If he loves you enough then he would come here and make a go of things.

Just my tuppence.

BlackMarsbar

Ask yourself "How has he changed?" If you cant answer and like the answer then stay.
If you can "Do you like HOW he has changed?" if no - stay.
If yes ask "Consider what would happen if it went wrong again?"

Forget friends and what they think. ITS YOUR LIFE. In time they will either be proved right or wrong, Either way they will still be there for you.

RibAd

ailuro2 wrote: »

No, you have made a new life for yourself and your child, you have overcome obstacles to get where you are. Stick with it and you'll be debt free one day.

Fall in with a partner who is making promises of how it might be isn't the easiest thing to turn down, but I suspect you know in your heart you'd end up having to start all over again when it went wrong.

If he loves you enough then he would come here and make a go of things.

Just my tuppence.

I agree. You've gotton yourself and your child to somewhere good... maybe he just doesn't like that. I wouldn't move for any man. It may be nice that he wants to patch things up - but if things should go wrong, where's your support? and where does that leave you? Would you be forced into a situation that you'll have to move back to the UK and restart all over again?

It would cause a lot of uprooting for your child to move in the first place, and certainly a change for yourself...

If I were you, I wouldn't move, but as a compromise, maybe go over on holiday for a couple of weeks so you can get an idea of his setup in Ireland, or alternatively he moves to be closer to you for a trial?