In a Relationship but Not in Love?

shaz77_2

Hi,

I'm always surprised to find couples in this bracket and I' referring to substantial relationships - not recent up-springs. Would anyone on here care to admit to being in a similar position - maybe being in love is not important?

cakeforbrains

Seems like a massive waste of everyone's time to me, but I am willing to be proved wrong.

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

It's the fear of not having anything that seems to drive it, whether its company, affection or financial circumstances.

They've not felt true love; if they do at some point, they'll realise how they shortchanged themselves for so long.

aileth

cakeforbrains wrote: »

Seems like a massive waste of everyone's time to me, but I am willing to be proved wrong.

I agree, they're probably relationships of convenience, fear of being alone, maybe feel they have to stay together for kids etc... I can imagine a lot of scenarios but none of them happy!

lazer

I am very much in love with my husband, but I can fully understand people who stay in relationship but aren't "in love" any more.
The friendship and affection they feel for their OH is probably still strong, and if they are married they made vows and intend to honour them.
As long as they are not actually unhappy, then it's fine.

Many couples go through stages when they feel as if they aren't in love but over time the love grows again.

Marriage is for life IMO (although I can understand walking away if you are unhappy).

Other people know their own relationship, if they want to stay together and are happy without the love - thats their business.

marisco_2

If a couple are no longer in love then to my mind they don't share a relationship with each other any more. They will have let things deteriorate between them, to the point where they are no more than housemates. I think some people stay together even when they have reached this stage for the sake of their children. This is often a misguided thing to do as even very young children are really perceptive to what is going on around them. Others may not be able to move on from each other due to financial constraints. Some may be in denial about where things are really at, and be holding out hoping that somehow they can rekindle what they once had with their partner and get back on track.

Troutwrestler

I did it for a good number of years, the problem for me was that once the love is not there ( and never was in my case) boredom sets in, and that's when people look elsewhere.

My ex and I were not even housemates, we lead completely separate lives and as soon as I met someone else I was gone, luckily he met someone else at the same time.

It's a complete Waste of time and effort

themull1

I think a lot of marriages become like that, putting up with each other, my last two were!!

Hermia

I know women who have never worked or not worked for years settle for this kind of situation because they don't know if they could cope on their own.

newcook

Im in a relationship but not in love - then again, we've only just got together and I would probably run for the hills if he started saying he was in love with me already!!! Mind you, as he’s my best male friend he would probably know where to find me as he sometimes knows me better than I know myself!!

pigpen

I don't believe OH and I are 'in love' .. I love him, I care about him very much and I want him to be in my life.. but as for 'in love'... I've been there and done it and it was a total waste of 20 years of my life when he forgot to keep his worm to himself.. I'd prefer to have someone I know will never want to get married to me but who I know will be with me if I need him, will help me when I need help and will support me in my decisions.. much better than someone hanging on my every word and wanting to be in my knickers every 5 minutes.. that just suffocated me.

We don't 'put up with' one another, we are comfortable with each other and it is actually really nice and comfortable and non-stressful and a very easy relationship... not perfect but I doubt any relationship is perfect.