Urgent swift eviction of lodger?

earthbound_misfit

fart wrote: »

I'm usually tolerant of other people's issues but him leaving mouldy food, not cleaning up and then shouting at you for entering his room while he's asleep is making you have suicidal thoughts? You need to grow up.

No, I already struggle with these things, as I have mentioned I have trauma-related depression (they are still hovering around diagnoses). I suffer with flashbacks, confusion, and poor concentration whilst feeling extreme terror, and lose chunks of time. So it's hard enough to stay on top of my own stuff without having to clean up after others and live in fear of being robbed because he's left doors and windows open (friends in area have had recent break-ins). I spent a large chunk of my birthday comforting and trying to be nice to my lodger as he drunkenly made threats, as I was trying to understand his issues.
I have previously lived in some awful situations (hence being so pleased when I reached 25 and could get my own flat, only for them to change the age range!) including witnessing the attempted murder of my boyfriend when I was just 20, by a housemate. (Who'd previously made threats but police wouldn't do anything cos he had mental health problems, so council wouldn't count me as priority if I moved out and private rented rooms were hard to obtain as landlords in that area were suspicious of young people and unwilling to accept HB. I now live in a different area with more abundant housing and a council that don't try to fob everyone off.) I have also suffered abuse at the hands of mental health 'professionals' which is now being recognsised and treated.

I'd rather not have written that on a public forum but perhaps now you understand why someone screaming in my face and laughing at me for my issues triggers an extreme fear response and why I might, in that moment, feel my only escape from the pain is suicide.

fart

earthbound_misfit wrote: »

No, I already struggle with these things, as I have mentioned I have trauma-related depression (they are still hovering around diagnoses). I suffer with flashbacks, confusion, and poor concentration whilst feeling extreme terror, and lose chunks of time. So it's hard enough to stay on top of my own stuff without having to clean up after others and live in fear of being robbed because he's left doors and windows open (friends in area have had recent break-ins). I spent a large chunk of my birthday comforting and trying to be nice to my lodger as he drunkenly made threats, as I was trying to understand his issues.
I have previously lived in some awful situations (hence being so pleased when I reached 25 and could get my own flat, only for them to change the age range!) including witnessing the attempted murder of my boyfriend when I was just 20, by a housemate. (Who'd previously made threats but police wouldn't do anything cos he had mental health problems, so council wouldn't count me as priority if I moved out and private rented rooms were hard to obtain as landlords in that area were suspicious of young people and unwilling to accept HB. I now live in a different area with more abundant housing and a council that don't try to fob everyone off.) I have also suffered abuse at the hands of mental health 'professionals' which is now being recognsised and treated.

I'd rather not have written that on a public forum but perhaps now you understand why someone screaming in my face and laughing at me for my issues triggers an extreme fear response and why I might, in that moment, feel my only escape from the pain is suicide.

You managed to have a civilised chat with him when he was being difficult without wanting to kill yourself.

You're being melodramatic. People with these issues don't speak so candidly about them, especially as you had the balls to burst into his room uninvited and confront him, i suspect you're the self-pitying sort of person who is embellishing this to get a bit of sympathy. If you burst into MY room balling about wanting me out i would have done more than laugh in your face, i woulda frog marched you out - regardless of it being midday or not.

Just grow up, tell him he has 48 hours to get his stuff together and then he has to leave. You managed to confront him on your birthday and when he was in his room sleeping, no reason now you have 'tough' male back up that you can't have one last word with him to give him his marching orders. Job done.

Sorry for sounding harsh but it's just my opinion.

Also fairly certain as someone with documented mental health issues you are entitled to lots of help. Ask a CAB about your Section 117 rights under the mental health act. My uncle is protected under the act because of a drug problem and he gets adequate support with his housing and his benefits.

earthbound_misfit

Anyway, problem sorted, he's off at the weekend and staying with his partner til then/after then. I'm still scared but as mentioned, probably my own issues, but friend is staying until he leaves officially.

It's just so frustrating that when I was iller and got DLA I was able to get enough HB for my own flat, which meant stability for me which helped me work on my issues. I also developed an idea for self-employment (I'm still a long way from any employment less flexible) and my plan was I would have an el-cheapo trip in the sunshine (previously planned and never done, due to ill-health) to create some good memories and give me the 'high'/push to go self-employed. Yet because I was a lot better mentally, thus ended claims to ESA and DLA, I find myself in a position again that I cannot afford to live alone which then exacerbates my problems!
It's really frustrating as 1-bed rate of HB is only £33 a week more than SRR, yet without they are then spending more on ESA (as takes longer to be stable enough to work) and mental health support!! All for being under 35...
Sorry if you think I sound self-entitled, please understand I have dealt with a LOT on my own, scraping by on £50 a week when to ill to work, getting repeatedly hired and fired as I tried desperately to stay employed and better my position. The more generous welfare support has been a recent thing to me, and boy did it help.

Wish me luck in the self-employment, it's gonna take longer than I thought but I hope to reach my next decade without needing a penny from benefits!

ETA: And thank you for all the advice in the legal minefield of subtenant/lodger etc!

earthbound_misfit

fart wrote: »

You're being melodramatic. People with these issues don't speak so candidly about them ... i suspect you're the self-pitying sort of person who is embellishing this to get a bit of sympathy.

This is an anonymous internet forum. Not the same as face to face. I usually quietly leave if something/a conversation has triggered the memories and fear, flee to my flat and try to deal with it alone. It is very difficult to coherently explain when in that state, although I have tried to be honest with some friends more recently which has been helpful so I do not necessarily have to run off/they understand if it happens.
The internet is my release, as I can type and re-type and calm myself, so I am trying to stand up for myself and explain. I hid so much inside for so long and now I feel the anger for the injustices done to me previously, why should I keep quiet? No, I do not like to remember this stuff but if I've already been reminded of it with the memories flooding in, I will be honest - how else will people ever understand?
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fart wrote: »

Also fairly certain as someone with documented mental health issues you are entitled to lots of help. Ask a CAB about your Section 117 rights under the mental health act. My uncle is protected under the act because of a drug problem and he gets adequate support with his housing and his benefits.

Thanks, but section 117 only applies to people who have been detained under the Mental Health Act. When I was in hospital I went 'voluntarily' (they try to do this first if you are willing so it's not on your record you've been sectioned). If I was homeless I'd get help/be housed though (unlike where I used to live where 'health problems' wasn't automatic 'priority need') so that is some peace of mind.

00ec25

perhaps you ought to reconsider whether you are the sort of person who should have a lodger?

PasturesNew

earthbound_misfit wrote: »

It's just so frustrating that when I was iller and got DLA I was able to get enough HB for my own flat, which meant stability for me which helped me work on my issues.

If you don't want another lodger, you could look into taking in adult students for short-lets (a few days to a week or two while they learn English at local language schools), or sites such as airbnb.com where you provide a B&B for 1-2 nights at a time.

The other alternative is a Mon-Fri lodger, somebody who has a proper home elsewhere and is working locally and only needs somewhere 4 nights a week. http://www.mondaytofriday.com

fart

00ec25 wrote: »

perhaps you ought to reconsider whether you are the sort of person who should have a lodger?

Or at the very least she needs to let potential lodgers know the exact situation with the mental health issues.