An old affair

bromleymum

Is there anyone out there who's had a similar situation.

xx

loobylou2

Sending you hugs, I don't think you are selfish at all. I made a similar mistake in having an affair with a married man about 20 years ago when I was young and swept away by all the attention he paid me. I knew it was wrong at the time and have always regretted it because it was the wrong thing to do but like yourself I was young and also human. We all make mistakes so don't beat yourself up over this. You've moved on with your life as I have. I'm sorry to hear that the man you had your affair with has passed away but I don't think there is anything you can do about this now apart from to continue living your life and look back on your memories of this man with fondness. Strangely enough I heard from the man I had my affair with via facebook a couple of years ago. He wanted to rekindle our affair!!!! I used the contact as an opportunity to finally obtain closure and tell him a few things that I'd wanted to say to him but hadn't been able to at the time. The words " I've moved on and am happy with my husband and family featured largely in this as did the words go away and do not contact me again"
Sending you hugs xx

marisco_2

I am sorry that you have received the sad news that someone who was special to you has passed on. That is never easy to deal with, no matter when you last had contact with a person. I think a lot of the emotions you are experiencing at the moment have come about through shock. I hope you can work through this and will feel better about it all in time.

Mands

bromleymum wrote: »

What really upsets me is the silly thought that he may have known that I wasn't there even though my own belief system knows this isn't true and more to the point, he probably hadn't thought of me for years.

If he might have known that you weren't at the funeral then it must also be true that he might know that you wouldn't find out at the time but would grieve when you did know.

Give yourself the time to do that now. And please be gentle on yourself.
Mands

Goldiegirl

Hi, I understand how you must feel

In the dim and distant past I also had an affair with a married man, who was almost 30 years older than me:eek:

This affair was never formally finished, I met someone else (who is now my husband), and I just stopped seeing him - I think he was upset not to see me anymore, but I think he was also happy that I was moving on to be with someone I could be with properly.

Anyway, I married my husband, and moved away from where I grew up. Shortly before I married, I did get a message to him via a mutual acquaintance, that I was getting married - I just wanted him to know my life was doing well. But I never saw him again.

Anyway, I'm pleased to report that I've been very happy in my marriage and still am.

But over the years, I've wondered how this guy was doing, but I had no way of finding out - I'd lost touch with anyone who might know.

Anyway, about 5 years ago I started working on my family tree, and subscribed to Ancestry. There's a lot of info on there, and the next time I thought of this chap, I searched for him. I was deeply saddened to find out that he'd died in 1992, in his early 60's.

I think the worst thing was that he'd died at a comparatively young age.

I couldn't talk to anyone about it. My husband knew that I'd been out with this guy, but it didn't seem appropriate so tell my husband I'd been searching on the Internet.

However, the relationship was long in the past, I hadn't seen him for the best part of 30 years, and even if he was still alive, I wasn't going to see him again.

So, I just remember him with fondness. I was young and foolish, he was old enough to know better, but he wasn't a bad person and was always kind to me. I remember him with a secret smile, and enjoy my life that I have now.

You said goodbye to this chap a long time ago, there's no need to say goodbye again. Even if he was aware in some way that you weren't at his funeral, he would have known that it wasn't appropriate for you to be there, so that's the last thing to worry about

He was probably happy that you went on to have a happy and full life, so just remember him with fondness

bromleymum

Thanks all.