How to keep up his mood and self worth

hulahoop09

Hiya

My hubby has been working at a place for over 6 years (he is 28) and for majority of that time he has hated it and it has made him feel so so down and depressed. BUT pay is good etc and we cant afford for him to outright quit yet even with looking and applying for other things he has had no joy. Times it gets better where he says he is sticking it out for his family etc and then most of the time he is coming home and ranting about things that have happened and the threats being made by managers etc etc and he stays up til late as he wants to make the most of his awake time. Lol. We have another baby on the way and money is tight but i am trying so hard to keep him going and make his weekend enjoyable by day trips with our toddler etc. I feel so terrible for him and do worry about him.

Are there ways that I can keep his mood happy keep him going and let him know that he isnt the only one feeling this way, many people he knows must feel the same out there in the working world but he is grateful he has a job!

TIA

[Deleted User]

Spindoctor time x

I find going to other interview(s) can make me see sense maybe it shouldn't get that fair.., but it does make me realise what I've got? ok when I did today, after a real horrid one with ageism well alive (and I'm only in my thirties) I can't imagine if I had still been unemployed and having no choice but to accept the position, wanted to have a good old cry as felt frustrated by the situation, then fortunately somehow, someone stopped me in my tracks

ah just keep listening and supporting your doing a fab thing, 6 years service is something, it will pay off in the end x

hulahoop09

Thank you. I just feel so guilty as I know how it feels to be depressed because of a job you are in. He has done really well in that from school he did an apprenticeship then he went on to a job for a few years before they relocated to another part of the uk so he had to take redundancy so he did temping for a few months then got this job in march 2007 and is still going. In that time his pay has gone up by 4.5k which wrong or not we have lived to and probably have shot ourselves in the foot. Lol.

Fluff15

Hi hula,

My OH is in the same position - he's been with his company 6 years from his first apprenticeship, and hasn't ever changed jobs. He's currently in a supervisory role, and paid extremely well even though he hasn't taken his final exam yet. He hasn't learnt a large enough range of works to take his final exam, and needs to change company to get the experience, but if he leaves he will be taking roughly a £10k pay cut because he isn't fully qualified.

He hates his current role as the areas he works in are terrible, and the hours are long and his commute can sometimes be up to three hours a day each way. However, he lives to his means at the moment and doesn't manage his money well enough to save money, if he were to leave the job. He's also guaranteed work with his current company, but loses all his rights if he switches and he could really be left out in the cold. The only bright side is that we don't have children or debts or a mortgage to pay. Other jobs keep coming up, but falling through last minute so he's reluctant to leave his current company in-case he does make the jump, and nothing comes about it! Your OH is not alone!

hulahoop09

Ah wow that is a nightmare for him! My hubby is the same as much as he wants another job he is worried on the whole going to a company who end up going bump or laying staff off and being worse off than what he is.

A new manager has just come in as his supervisor left and the new manager is putting him through two NVQs which he is pleased about.

I just try and keep outside of work happy for him although it is hard when the stress of his job can cause argeuments etc.

Pennysmakepounds

Sometimes you just have to put up with the crap at work.

That's life.

I've done some really crappy jobs, but never quit UNTIL i had something new lined up.

aliasojo

Is it really the job or is it him?

I only ask as you could have been describing my OH a few months ago.

Only fast forward and 2 jobs later and he's still saying the same things, only about different people or aspects of the job.

He now admits he should never have left his original job but he can't see that his negative personality is what is causing a lot of his thoughts.

I was like you before, trying to jolly him along and emphasis the positive. I don't waste my breath now.

ILW

If you don't spend every penny and actually build up some savings, it does give you more options. Bit old fashioned though.

hulahoop09

I wish we had money to save cause deffo would and with me on maternity shortly isnt helping. We have probably £200 after bills which is then for nappies and kiddie clothing and any extra on food etc. When I go back to work we then have childcare bill to fight with

No its deffo the job. They are really terrible. When things go their way they are fine but are proper bratty when things dont go their way. Hubbys supervisor did nothing for years and he told the manager he had access to who said I know I know etc etc but nothing was ever done about it and hubby had to do the supervisors job for him as he would just sit on social networking sites all day or organise his sunday league football team he was in etc. Then he left not long ago and hubby got a telling off for not doing the supervisors job for him etc etc. They also said he isnt committed enough to the company as he wont do crazy unpaid overtime etc etc. He has asked over the years for more responsibility but they just ignored it. They say comments like its the mans job to be at work and the womans to stay at home and look after the children etc etc. I could seriously go on with the things in which they have said and done. They are glorified sales people and not managers or people persons!
Grrrr.

pennysmakepounds - I agree, its just a nightmare when its affecting someones well being and day to day life. He isnt gonna leave without having something else to go to, he wouldnt do that. I just wish we could afford for him to do so. Lol.

pompeyrich

hulahoop09 wrote: »

I wish we had money to save cause deffo would and with me on maternity shortly isnt helping. We have probably £200 after bills which is then for nappies and kiddie clothing and any extra on food etc. When I go back to work we then have childcare bill to fight with

Might be worth a few minutes trying various scenarios on the "entitled to" website. With tax credits and 2 kids, there is very little difference, financially, from earning £30,000 a year and doing the minimum at NMW and getting your money topped up with tax credits. 3 or 4 shifts between you and you should both be relaxed and stress free, no childcare costs.

hulahoop09

Well we will have a bit more disposable next year as we are trying to pay some debts off, he earns almost 17.5k plis various quarterly bonuses ranging from 30 to sometimes 170 after tax. I earn 12k per year but will be on smp from sept til june next year. I just wouldnt want to rely on tax credits with the changes that keep happening we are likely to get stung. Lol. And if times got too hard we need to be sure we can pay our mortgage.