Cyclothymia? Sorry for the long post

August_Moonshine

I'm sorry for the length of this post, but I don't know where else to ask advice. I apologize if this isn't the correct place, or if its inappropriate to ask advice on this, but I simply don't know where else to turn, other than to my long suffering GP.
My GP has suggested (NOT DIAGNOSED - he says he doesn't like to label people - which in itself isn't that helpful) that I may have a condition called Cyclothymia, apparently this is a milder form of Bipolar but there isn't much information available on the net, and very little I can find in way of research. However, the more I DO find out, the more I'm sure I've probably had this for many years, yet the only experience I have of Bipolar is through watching Jean in Eastenders, and I cant help thinking "well, that's not me!" but maybe, in a milder form it is?

My history - I will try to shorten this to the bits that probably matter -

I was abused by a neighbour at the age of 13 (one week after my 13th birthday), this went on for several months as I used to babysit for his family. He told me no one would believe me anyway. I think I decided I could go one of two ways, either think, Im never going near a boy/man again, or - the one I sadly chose - Im worth nothing now so I may as well just keep on going. I was a pretty girl, and over the course of the next few years I had sex with anyone and everyone that paid me any attention. Reckless sex, hating myself while I did it, but continuing to do so. Sex in a room with others, sex with a bf's mate while bf slept on sofa in same room, uninhibited, uncontrolled, unprotected sex. All this before I was 18. I lost friends through this, had what I now see were manic episodes were I simply didnt care about anyone other than the attention I was getting.

On to work, Ive had soooo many jobs over the past 30 years (Im now 47), good jobs, well paid, some quite sort after (cabin crew, holiday rep, manager etc) and with each new job I throw myself in 150%, giving it my all, and then some. Working very quickly up the ranks, exceeding all targets set for and by me, and then....for no reason at all, I would wake one day and think, I cant do this anymore, Im not going back. I would make, I do make, a snap decision and resign, on the spot. Never once have I worked my resignation, I just, quit. I become quite panicky, :eek:and the thought of going back in, even though there is NEVER a reason, fills me with pure dread, and makes me feel physically ill. Ive just done this again, Ive walked out of a Managerial position, to end up once again unemployed.

1986 I met my first husband, had two children as the norm is meant to be, a boy, a girl, hubbie said "great now we can shut up shop", I decided I wanted another, worked out when I would fall, and fall I did. And again, and again, and again. Five kids later I realised I didnt actually love him anymore, I became depressed, really low cycles of crying, and wishing my life was over. ( i actually thought about suicide once, just once, when my first was about a year, I had him strapped into the car seat, he kept crying and I thought for the briefest of seconds about driving into the icy canal, it seemed the easiest thing to do). I never went out (still dont) didnt socialise, hated having to do the mother at the gate stuff, didnt go to toddler groups as I dont make friends easily and it was easier to stay home with my little world, any social events I would avoid, I wouldnt involve myself with hubbies family, withdrew from everyone. I should add that I moved my childrens school every year, no reason why, I just did. I think my poor kids did every school year 1 - 6, in a different school. I would just think, right im moving them, and I did. No questions, no discussions. Not even with husband.
Forward to 2003, I went out for the first time in 13 years - alone - to stay with my cousin. She took me out, I met my now husband, and within two months I kicked hubbie 1 out, moved hubbie 2 in, and then three months after meeting hubbie 2 I upped and moved my babies 100 miles to the other side of the country to be with my now DH. I lost my eldest son for several years over this, he couldnt cope without his friends and moved back to his father.
This was so reckless, I didnt know a thing about him, or his family.
Over the past few years ive continued the cycle of irrational thinking, impulsiveness etc. I move the house around constantly, leave jobs without a thought to how we will manage, decided we were going to move and put my home up for sale, got a buyer, pulled out at the last minute. This isnt once, this is 4 maybe 5/6 times.
I change my mind constantly, not just every few weeks, I mean I can change on the spin of a coin, a decision made now this instant, can change in a second. And then back again.
Dont take me out for a drink, as when you get me to the bar I will NEVER know what I want.
Im irritable, I have what my family describe as OCD> Everything has to be perfect at home, the rooms have to be immaculate, the kids have to look immaculate.
I dont even know what im asking, other than does anyone recognise this? My GP has put me on Fluoxetine today, 20 mcg, will this help? I booked a holiday three weeks ago, without asking my husband, on a whim. £1500 worth of whim. We go Sunday, DH me and two of the kids. We cant afford to go, but its done now. Except now, I dont want to go, I dont want to travel there, I cant be bothered. I cant actually be bothered with most things really. The only time Im truely happy is when Im at home, within my four walls, cleaning and with my kids. I dont like anything else.

Sorry for the long post. I just wanted to get it all off my chest. xx

naomijj

I didn't want to read and run hun, I haven't heard of the condition. I think its very brave of you and a massive first step to have recognized and written all of this down. I hope the meds help, the first thing I would say about the meds is stick with them they take a while to work.
Hugs xxx

Pechow

The Fluoxetine may well help, but two things to bear in mind-first, that it will take a while to kick in, so don't think that because nothing has changed after a month it isn't working, give it a bit of time. Secondly, that it might not work, but that would just mean you go back and try something else-there are lots of different kinds of mood stabilizers that work in different ways. You may need to try a few before finding one that works for you. Usually fluoxetine isn't recommended for cyclothymia due to potentially causing mood changes, did he prescribe it to you for OCD or a depressive episode instead?

stir_crazy

August_Moonshine wrote: »

I'm sorry for the length of this post, but I don't know where else to ask advice. I apologize if this isn't the correct place, or if its inappropriate to ask advice on this, but I simply don't know where else to turn, other than to my long suffering GP.
My GP has suggested (NOT DIAGNOSED - he says he doesn't like to label people - which in itself isn't that helpful) that I may have a condition called Cyclothymia, apparently this is a milder form of Bipolar but there isn't much information available on the net, and very little I can find in way of research. However, the more I DO find out, the more I'm sure I've probably had this for many years, yet the only experience I have of Bipolar is through watching Jean in Eastenders, and I cant help thinking "well, that's not me!" but maybe, in a milder form it is?

My history - I will try to shorten this to the bits that probably matter -

I was abused by a neighbour at the age of 13 (one week after my 13th birthday), this went on for several months as I used to babysit for his family. He told me no one would believe me anyway. I think I decided I could go one of two ways, either think, Im never going near a boy/man again, or - the one I sadly chose - Im worth nothing now so I may as well just keep on going. I was a pretty girl, and over the course of the next few years I had sex with anyone and everyone that paid me any attention. Reckless sex, hating myself while I did it, but continuing to do so. Sex in a room with others, sex with a bf's mate while bf slept on sofa in same room, uninhibited, uncontrolled, unprotected sex. All this before I was 18. I lost friends through this, had what I now see were manic episodes were I simply didnt care about anyone other than the attention I was getting.

On to work, Ive had soooo many jobs over the past 30 years (Im now 47), good jobs, well paid, some quite sort after (cabin crew, holiday rep, manager etc) and with each new job I throw myself in 150%, giving it my all, and then some. Working very quickly up the ranks, exceeding all targets set for and by me, and then....for no reason at all, I would wake one day and think, I cant do this anymore, Im not going back. I would make, I do make, a snap decision and resign, on the spot. Never once have I worked my resignation, I just, quit. I become quite panicky, :eek:and the thought of going back in, even though there is NEVER a reason, fills me with pure dread, and makes me feel physically ill. Ive just done this again, Ive walked out of a Managerial position, to end up once again unemployed.

1986 I met my first husband, had two children as the norm is meant to be, a boy, a girl, hubbie said "great now we can shut up shop", I decided I wanted another, worked out when I would fall, and fall I did. And again, and again, and again. Five kids later I realised I didnt actually love him anymore, I became depressed, really low cycles of crying, and wishing my life was over. ( i actually thought about suicide once, just once, when my first was about a year, I had him strapped into the car seat, he kept crying and I thought for the briefest of seconds about driving into the icy canal, it seemed the easiest thing to do). I never went out (still dont) didnt socialise, hated having to do the mother at the gate stuff, didnt go to toddler groups as I dont make friends easily and it was easier to stay home with my little world, any social events I would avoid, I wouldnt involve myself with hubbies family, withdrew from everyone. I should add that I moved my childrens school every year, no reason why, I just did. I think my poor kids did every school year 1 - 6, in a different school. I would just think, right im moving them, and I did. No questions, no discussions. Not even with husband.
Forward to 2003, I went out for the first time in 13 years - alone - to stay with my cousin. She took me out, I met my now husband, and within two months I kicked hubbie 1 out, moved hubbie 2 in, and then three months after meeting hubbie 2 I upped and moved my babies 100 miles to the other side of the country to be with my now DH. I lost my eldest son for several years over this, he couldnt cope without his friends and moved back to his father.
This was so reckless, I didnt know a thing about him, or his family.
Over the past few years ive continued the cycle of irrational thinking, impulsiveness etc. I move the house around constantly, leave jobs without a thought to how we will manage, decided we were going to move and put my home up for sale, got a buyer, pulled out at the last minute. This isnt once, this is 4 maybe 5/6 times.
I change my mind constantly, not just every few weeks, I mean I can change on the spin of a coin, a decision made now this instant, can change in a second. And then back again.
Dont take me out for a drink, as when you get me to the bar I will NEVER know what I want.
Im irritable, I have what my family describe as OCD> Everything has to be perfect at home, the rooms have to be immaculate, the kids have to look immaculate.
I dont even know what im asking, other than does anyone recognise this? My GP has put me on Fluoxetine today, 20 mcg, will this help? I booked a holiday three weeks ago, without asking my husband, on a whim. £1500 worth of whim. We go Sunday, DH me and two of the kids. We cant afford to go, but its done now. Except now, I dont want to go, I dont want to travel there, I cant be bothered. I cant actually be bothered with most things really. The only time Im truely happy is when Im at home, within my four walls, cleaning and with my kids. I dont like anything else.

Sorry for the long post. I just wanted to get it all off my chest. xx

Just recently I had a frank discussion with a friend of mine who has been diagnosed as bipolar. Some of the things that you have described here are very like some of the impulsive behaviour that she described and that I have seen for myself. She also has times where she doesn't want to leave the house. She began treatment last year and she is working with her GP to find the best solution for her.

CustardAndPickles

Lots of experience with bi-polar here, and yes, I'd say what you describe is definitely sounding like bi-polar behaviour.

How to handle it depends a lot on what you want to do. A friend found that a mixture of counselling, self-awareness, behaviour modification and physical changes made a massive difference, and they've gone from very erratic behaviour to much more stable. You really will need the help of your partner though, you need their support.

I don't know if you drink, smoke or eat badly, but look at cutting out alcohol, cigarettes (including cannabis if you smoke that) and overly fatty / sugary foods. Try and eat at regular intervals, as that can help with controlling blood sugar which can help mood regulation.

If you know you're feeling a bit hyper, look to leave any bank cards at home so it's harder for you to splurge - if you're at home, see if you can have your husband look after the cards.

Finally, exercise / being outside can really help boost serotin which in turn will help boost your mood and self confidence. Try and get into a routine with it - not easy with children but it will help.

Good luck

Brighton_belle

I know two people with this condition, who have both been helped with medication specifically aimed at it. This would suggest that there is help out there.
Personally I believe a diagnoses isn't 'a label', but the keys to freedom: correct diagnosis equals greater chance of correct help and self understanding of triggers and patterns.

I hope you get the hep you need and deserve.

Lara44

Has your Dr checked your thyroid function? Sometimes thyroid problems have similar symptoms.

Fluff15

I think you need to go to a new GP and discuss your problems, and get a proper diagnosis. Only once you have a proper diagnosis, only then can effective treatment start. I think your GP is a bloody idiot refusing to label it.

Look at http://www.mind.org.uk/ and speak to their helpline. They will be able to put you in touch with the mental health team in your area, look into getting CBT or related therapy that will help with those manic/depressive cycling episodes.

In my experience, Fluoxetine only aggravated my manic episodes. I went from being numb, to happy, to so happy and impulsive all the time I maxed out my overdraft and credit card. I'm still paying for it now. It may work for you though, but do not be afraid to ask your GP to switch meds if you feel you're getting nowhere.

Make sure you have a routine, exercise regularly, keep a good diet, stop smoking/drinking (if you do), surround yourself with your family and friends and make sure you TALK about your problems. Admit when your struggling, accept that you're not feeling 100% and that is okay! Ride it out, figure out when your moods are changing and distract yourself from harmful behaviours.

Keep a diary of anything that's relevant, go back to your GP regularly and keep them updated as to how your feeling and how you're coping, this will enable them to treat you more effectively. You are not alone, and don't ever let yourself think that people will think less of you if you admit you have a problem - if they do, they're not worth your time.

skattykatty

If your GP finds diagnosing difficult then ask for a referral to a specialist. I don't think a GP should be the only port of call when you are discussing mental health diagnosis such as bi-polar. You need to be working with someone who can keep an eye on meds and you, have check ups, tweak meds if need be. Also, depending on where you live you may also be offerred a referral to specialist psychotherapy services.

RevolvingDoor

^ I agree that you need to be referred to your local mental health team, which your GP should have done, as GP's aren't qualified to diagnose serious mental health conditions.

Kitiara

OMG! I think I have just worked out what could be wrong with my son ... thank you OP for talking about something that people seem to find difficult to talk about.

My son is 24 and has had so many of the symptoms the OP talks about, but has never been given a "name". He has seen his GP who was quite sympathetic but ultimately didn't really know what to do with him and arranged for him to speak to a councellor at Steps to Change for CBT, which has helped him recognise the onset and the procedures to help him cope, he was also put on Fluoxetine. This was only short term and he no longer takes it.

He was a "troubled teenager" which we put down to me and his father splitting up (he was 12 at the time), he was put on an anger management course at school as he couldn't deal with "issues", he never hit a person, but would punch walls and once put his fist through a glass window. As he got older (16+)he would go through phases of being almost hyper, but then he would become very withdrawn, moody, argumentative and not particularly nice, he would lash out verbally - calling me names etc, saying no one cared about him, I cared more about my daughter than him, no one would be bothered if he wasn't here, He would get his money on a Tuesday and by Friday he had spent it all, usually on rubbish that he had "fancied" at the time and then come begging off me etc. I realised then that he had problems, but he wouldn't acknowledge there was anything wrong, He eventually left to live with his Dad when he was 18, but this didn't last too long as his Dad couldn't cope with him and wouldn't understand that he needed help not throwing out, his dad still wont accept that there is a medical reason his son acts how he does, it's all my fault because I left and married someone else etc.

In May 2010,he went back to live with his Dad, although he was living in a caravan in his Dad's garden rather than the house as his Dad's gf wouldn't have him in the house (she hates my son) he finally accepted that his behaviour wasn't "normal" around this time and agreed to see a doctor, who gave him some tablets (can't remember what they were called but basically they were "happy pills") which he took for a while, and they did seem to help. In March 2012 he lost his Grandad who he adored and he really went off the deep end resulting in him threatening to kill himself and me ringing his Doctor's out of hours number at 7pm on a Sunday evening as I live 170 miles away and them sending the Police round for a safety check on him. They removed him from the caravan and took him to his Stepdads (my 2nd hubby) who was great with him and finally got him to the Doctors, this was when he was refered to Steps to Change for the CBT.

He was doing really well but following yet another fallout with his Dad and being made homeless, an operation to repair a collapsed lung and a few other things, he has started to show signs that he is going back to his "dark place" as he calls it. He rang me last week saying he was getting the same thoughts back about being better off dead etc. I guess I should be thankful that he has recognised the signs and a) knows what they are and b) knows he can get some help which he is doing at the moment.

I was scared as no one seemed to be able to put a name to what was wrong until I read this and it all started to ring bells ... I don't think he is Bi-polar, but the Cyclothymia does make sense (there are a lot more simularities to the OP but this post is long enough lol

Thanks once again to the OP for speaking out about her problems, I might not be able to offer any advice, but please take some comfort in the fact that you have helped someone else.