Outings for someone with limited mobility

Tryingagainandagain

A relative has limited mobility but does not have a blue badge and will not use a stick/wheelchair or any aid (which I understand as she can walk some way - albeit slowly - as long as the surface is fairly even and there are not too many steps).

She likes to shop, drink coffee and eat out. I don't always want to do this and think it's a waste of my limited income to pay a fortune to sit in a garden centre or shopping centre drinking coffee - not saying I pay for both of us - just that it's not what I want to do several times a week.

Is there anyone out there who has similar mobility issues? Can you suggest anything else we can do? I don't mind driving some distance (or we could go out by train or coach).

Unfortunately she has no particular interests so I can't focus on those. She never seems very keen on anything so it's a bit of an uphill struggle.

cattie

Isn't there somewhere pleasant you could go & take a picnic along ? Perhaps a nice park or somewhere by water, say a river & do some people watching whilst you are there. That's always very entertaining I find.

Or, as you suggested going somewhere by coach, why not one of the mystery tours that many coach companies run. I'd imagine that's fun not knowing exactly where you are going to end up.

Perhaps if you were to indicate whereabouts in the country you are some posters might be able to recommend specific places you could try.

dori2o

Tryingagainandagain wrote: »

A relative has limited mobility but does not have a blue badge and will not use a stick/wheelchair or any aid (which I understand as she can walk some way - albeit slowly - as long as the surface is fairly even and there are not too many steps).

She likes to shop, drink coffee and eat out. I don't always want to do this and think it's a waste of my limited income to pay a fortune to sit in a garden centre or shopping centre drinking coffee - not saying I pay for both of us - just that it's not what I want to do several times a week.

Is there anyone out there who has similar mobility issues? Can you suggest anything else we can do? I don't mind driving some distance (or we could go out by train or coach).

Unfortunately she has no particular interests so I can't focus on those. She never seems very keen on anything so it's a bit of an uphill struggle.

I know that feeling. That is how I was at first. At 26/27 I didn't want to be seen as weak but eventually I had to bite the bullet and start using various aids.

The best thing I have done in the past 12 months is get a mobility scooter.

I have had (and still have) wheelchairs in the past, but I can't self propel that well and at 18st my wife and kids can't push me all that far, even on the flat.

The scooter allows me to get out, go for a stroll through the park. Go to the supermarket and not have to sit in the car whilst my wife does the shopping.

I can't suggest any place to go without knowing where in the country you are. But the best advice I can give from my own experience is, If you need an aid to help you get around, use one. It will make such a big difference and improve your relatives quality of life massively.

muddlemand

My health is slowly improving but I was in a similar position in my 30s. I did a lot of garden centres!! - but didn't have anyone bothered to think of better ideas so good for you :A being so supportive (especially if she doesn't act appreciative)!

Big parks and leisure areas sometimes have things on such as musical performances, local bands or schools etc, free apart from the crepe stalls / coffee in plastic cups etc. There may be a bandstand somewhere near you with the traditional band, or a bigger garden centre has live jazz or something like that. Still a garden centre(!) but a bit of a change. These things wouldn't be every week of course.

There used to be a little booklet called the Let's Go guide aimed at families, with a free places section - WHSmith sold it and I believe other places - when my kids were small. The free places include non-kid things. Museums are also usually free and local art groups have exhibitions etc. Small museums can be a really good couple of hours which surprised me. If she doesn't sound interested, maybe that's just the same as not sounding UNinterested and I've found it's worth going for things you wouldn't expect to have any interest in (either of you), you never know. For example my boys both liked the open gardens, two schemes RHS?? and the Red Cross which put out a listing each year - though if I said "let's go to a garden" it put them off completely. For me walking on grass etc is easier than tarmac/paving even if it's uneven ground, oddly, so the moral is you can never predict until you give it a go. And many open gardens have a cuppa/scone too.

Some churches do really cheap coffees, maybe not every day of the week or only for an hour or so. Even lunches at some. Then the church itself can turn into something to look round.

Depending how and who she is, you may find a club for people who find it hard to get out on their own - I went to our town's once only as I was the square peg in the round hole, being young and having most of my marbles, but they're v.valuable for anyone they suit.

The library is worth asking, not just looking down whatever information they provide, but chatting to the librarian when you haven't got a queue behind you. They're local. Come to that the library itself is a place to go. Audio books if she's not a reader... and libraries host events too of all kinds.

On the won't-use-a-stick front, I know the feeling! I used to stride out and exhaust myself in ten paces until I discovered that instead of thinking "Must walk slowly", I could think "Great to amble" - to saunter is somehow more dignified. Just naming it differently did the trick for me. As for the stick, it wasn't till I met someone else of my kind of age who used one that I felt ok about it, and then thought about dignified toffs (Dickensian image!) swaggering about and being superior and bossing around the Oliver Twists of their world, which just doesn't work without the stick!! They're also brilliant on crowded pavements as people crowd you less without even knowing it. Once I thought of it as superior, rather than weak, it made all the difference. I do know that pride/shame thing and it does run very deep, it's kind of "conning yourself" into doing what you know is sensible.

The only part that miffed me was having nobody EVER say "Aren't you young to be using a stick!" even though I had not a single white hair!

The biggest help to me has been humour. Some "disability" situations (for heavens sake avoid that word with her though!) are just comical. I get annoyed when treated like an old dear - nurses and concerned friends are the worst for that - but it's great when someone asks what kind of help I want/need, and I can say I'll ask when I need to BUT if I don't say, I don't want - and they actually take that literally. Also when someone waits and observes that I'm knackered or hurting, rather than assuming I "can't" when I'm in the mood to push myself.

Also lively things, music, drumming, comedy, kids etc, pep me up (still, and more when I was weaker) and some can leave me feeling better for days afterwards. Also being in good company. The odd special (more expensive!) treat such as seeing a play or concert... or the free kind such as fields, driving to the top of the Downs or whatever's near you, and getting out to feel the air moving on your skin... then beauty, a view or maybe a picnic near a river or something. One good pub lunch with a lovely garden could take the place of several caf! outings.

The more I think of, the more I think of. A TV channel that's not her usual one. A radio play. The scent of ylang ylang helps a lot with mild depression which is probably involved here. Happy people; beauty; babies; a pet; houseplants if gardening is difficult; learning something, maybe a craft or instrument; a community choir; WI... they all are horses for courses (and I don't know your relative) but these things have been good for me. Oh, church or equivalent, which wasn't for me personally. Hearing little ones practice reading at the local primary school or reading stories there or at the library. There are festivals in many towns at this time of year, some very "minor" but bringing a bit more life into the caf! situation!! and in December you get mince pies and/or mulled wine in the street and carols etc. Maybe she likes baking and would like a challenge of trying out new cakes; or painting or something she's always felt she might be good at. A language. Photography. Calligraphy. Yoga (chair yoga exists! and I've seen the wheelchair-bound get a lot out of yoga come to that). Any course of learning is such a leading-somewhere thing and there are one-day workshops as well as longer courses. Some free. If laughter doesn't work, try someone else's problem. There's nothing like it for getting out of yourself. Not, of course, if you're told it's being presented to you for the sake of getting you out of yourself...

and I'm sure that if this has kick-started you, you'll think of plenty of other things yourself. Take care

ps. The big pet shops often have a wall-ful of little animals, hamsters, birds etc perhaps a feisty parrot. And tanks of fish. Maybe one big book of picnic- or packed-lunch ideas could give you something to enjoy together in the house and save the caf! cash too.

pps. A tip that helped me for some time was each night writing down 3 good things that had happened that day. Gives the right slant on life. And if it's really difficult, that tells you something too {knowing eyebrow-raise}.

muddlemand

ppps. Instead of saying it was nice, maybe marks out of ten would work better. Some people just don't do "looking glad" and some people appear glum after a good time, because it's over - my son does that - annoying but kind of makes sense. "Was it ok?" gets an unhelpful reply but being told 7 out of 10 means something better than 4 out of 10 which adds to the project of investigating what outings are the good ones.

Parva

Tryingagainandagain wrote: »

A relative has limited mobility but does not have a blue badge and will not use a stick/wheelchair or any aid (which I understand as she can walk some way - albeit slowly - as long as the surface is fairly even and there are not too many steps).

She likes to shop, drink coffee and eat out. I don't always want to do this and think it's a waste of my limited income to pay a fortune to sit in a garden centre or shopping centre drinking coffee - not saying I pay for both of us - just that it's not what I want to do several times a week.

Is there anyone out there who has similar mobility issues? Can you suggest anything else we can do? I don't mind driving some distance (or we could go out by train or coach).

Unfortunately she has no particular interests so I can't focus on those. She never seems very keen on anything so it's a bit of an uphill struggle.

Going back to the original question, I personally would tell her to get on with it and wash my hands! Depends how 'relative' this is I guess but I certainly wouldn't have your patience.

Tryingagainandagain

I think I was having a bit of a down moment when I posted - I sound really negative.

This person is a really close relative who has a degenerative disease which has stopped her from doing a responsible and active job at a relatively young age. She knows that she will get progressively worse but at the moment she tries to keep active.
She worked hard and long hours so does not have hobbies and interests that we can share and she is not really interested in my more sedentary pastimes.

I didn't mean to suggest that she is not appreciative. I think the lack of "keenness" is partly because she does not want me to think I am obliged to take her out and about. I am happy to do this but want to open up our options.

Things like National Trust houses and many historical places are difficult because of steps and stairs. We have done a few city breaks but these are planned well in advance.

You have given me plenty of ideas (I don't want to give too many details as we both know other users of the forum). I think I was getting too bogged down to see clearly.

We have some great museums nearby so I will try those as an option.
I thought that the mystery coach tours had disappeared but have found one locally - great idea:T
We have a couple of theatre trips booked, which we both enjoy.

I will also suggest an evening out to a music venue.

Thank you all - I feel so much more positive now.