Working out money in a marriage.

NervousHomeowner

Not married but my partner and I are living together. I take care of the money and make sure all the bills are paid. However, my OH doesn't like the idea of having an 'allowance', so instead of him paying his wages into our joint account and then me giving him an amount to spend, he has a standing order for the day after he is paid, which puts enough to cover our monthly costs and a bit for savings into our joint account. Then whatever is left is his to spend (Although I try to encourage him to save a bit )

If your husband isn't keen on the idea of an allowance, the above might work for you. Work out how much you need each month to cover bills, debts and a bit for saving, then make him set up a standing order so that the day after his wages hit his account, a chunk of it goes into your joint account to cover all your outgoings for the next month. Then he doesn't have the chance to spend the money he owes to you but he still has the freedom to do whatever he wants with the money he has left.

Little_Vics

I manage it in our house.

We have a joint account, and all salaries and bills go straight into it. All the bills and credit card bills come out at the beginning of the month (as soon as the salaries go in) and we do a massive food shop to stock up. We also fill the car up with fuel.

Throughout the month, we do a weekly top up shop for fresh stuff (no more than £20).

At the end of the month, whatever is left is either split between us, put into the holiday fund, or used to overpay debts. The only rule is we make a joint decision on which of those 3 options to do.

It's working for us - we've cleared over £15k in 4 years (with the help of a PPI payout!), have another £9k to go which will be clear by Christmas 2014. We'll then open a 'fun account' each, and whatever is left at the end of the month will be split 3 ways into the 2 fun accounts and the holiday account. I can't wait.

Pollycat

It will work if your OH buys into it 100%.

Does he agree that he's 'rubbish with money'?
If he is not keen on the idea or later becomes resentful of you holding the purse strings, it could cause a lot of trouble between you.

I was going to suggest you do a SOA on the DFW board but I see you've already done that and had some suggestions.

LutonGirl

It worked for me when I was married. I was "Finance and Administration" he was "Parks and Gardens" and openly admitted he was rubbish at managing money.

Goldiegirl

I've always done the money management.

All our money goes in to a joint account, and whatever goes in to the account belongs to both of us.

But I deal with budgeting, bill payments and day to day running of the accounts.

It just works better that way - I've always worked in the banking industry, so I have the skills to do the job

My husband is happy with the division of labour, as he does tasks that I'm no good at.

However, we do discuss large purchases and our over all financial direction and long term aims.

penaltychargenotice

Gosh - lots of replies, thank you.

I know my husband needs to be on board with this, I've been keeping a spending record over the last 6 weeks so I can show him what is happening. We are getting into debt like cloudy11 did - because neither of us is looking at the bigger picture. It makes sense to me now I've looked at it (with the help of this website). I can see how we've got into debt (about £10,000 worth )
I think he needs to accept this method or come up with a better one or we are going to drown in debt. I am going to talk to him tonight before our pay hits the joint account tonight.

I have allowed roughly what I think he spends and made everything balance. There is no room for spends for me though...

penaltychargenotice

Yeah I realise that it could build resentment but I have frightened myself when I added up how much debt we are in. I need to help him see it too. I feel very stressed by it tbh but I feel positive about this new approach.

maman

penaltychargenotice wrote: »

Gosh - lots of replies, thank you.

I know my husband needs to be on board with this, I've been keeping a spending record over the last 6 weeks so I can show him what is happening. We are getting into debt like cloudy11 did - because neither of us is looking at the bigger picture. It makes sense to me now I've looked at it (with the help of this website). I can see how we've got into debt (about £10,000 worth )
I think he needs to accept this method or come up with a better one or we are going to drown in debt. I am going to talk to him tonight before our pay hits the joint account tonight.

I have allowed roughly what I think he spends and made everything balance. There is no room for spends for me though...

I hope that's not a serious comment. If that's the case then he must have half what he's been used to. It's not your job to keep him 'in the manner to which he's become accustomed'. It's really not fair or sensible for you to make all the sacrifices as otherwise you'll be the one feeling resentful.:)

Pollycat

penaltychargenotice wrote: »

Yeah I realise that it could build resentment but I have frightened myself when I added up how much debt we are in. I need to help him see it too. I feel very stressed by it tbh but I feel positive about this new approach.

I hope the chat tonight goes well.
But, just because you've had your LBM, it doesn't follow that he will feel the same, especially if he knows he'll start to feel the pinch.

penaltychargenotice wrote: »

I have allowed roughly what I think he spends and made everything balance. There is no room for spends for me though...

maman wrote: »

I hope that's not a serious comment. If that's the case then he must have half what he's been used to. It's not your job to keep him 'in the manner to which he's become accustomed'. It's really not fair or sensible for you to make all the sacrifices as otherwise you'll be the one feeling resentful.:)

I agree with Maman.
Assuming you both got you into debt, it should be a joint effort to get yourselves out of it.
And if it means him cutting down his spending, then that's what he has to do.
You need a little something for yourself too.

Re your SOA - have you looked at Martin's downshift challenge (where you drop a brand and see if you can tell the difference? e.g. Heinz to Tesco baked beans. Or Tesco baked beans to value beans.

http://www.moneysavingexpert.com/shopping/downshift-challenge/

Also, you have credit card debt but the SOA template you used doesn't ask for interest rates.
Check out here for which debts to pay off first:

http://www.whatsthecost.com/snowball.aspx?country=uk

Also, check out the Old Style moneysaving board for tips on menu planning & cooking in bulk/freezing.

pukkamum

Yes I am the financier in the family.
My sister accused me of treating dh like a child but as I pointed out, in a company you have one person or department in charge of finances otherwise chaos ensues.
My sister scoffed but is now having a nightmare with a husband who won't stop spending and she never knows what is coming in or out.