Options for 18 yr old

pollyanna24

We currently have my bf's little brother living with us and he has done for about 8 months or so now. He is very responsible and has a full time job, but doesn't seem to think that he has enough money to move out. We charge him £120 a month (which I think is very reasonable seeing as he gets his bed, sky, broadband, gas, water, electric, oh and three meals a day for it!).

What kind of options does he have? He's not earning a fortune, but we live near London. I'm not saying I want him out because I don't for now, but sooner or later, he will have to move out as I'm not his mother and I think he's getting off very lightly at the moment (bf seems to disagree).

He was talking about going on the council list, but me and my bf have been on this since 2000! We don't need it anymore, we've bought, but haven't taken our names off as we think it's quite funny getting the letter every year telling us we haven't got enough "points" yet.

Justie

£120 a month is nothing for the SE. I would put up his board and save the extra so that he's paying market rate (or even a bit over) so that a) he gets used to living on a more realistic amount and b) when he does move out he'll have enough for the deposit on a rented room in a house share or something. When I was renting the in the SE about 60% of my wage went on rent. He's got no chance of getting on the council list as a single man in full time employment.

pollyanna24

Yeah, I know and I've tried telling him, but I always come across as the "evil stepmum" even though I'm not (only 7 years older than him!).

We have rowed over food before. Before he moved in, he was told (by bf) that the money he gave us was not "rent," but payment for what he used in the house, i.e. food, gas, electric etc. but he conveniently forgot the other things. So now he thinks £120 is just for food and that I am being stingy when I tell him if he wanted 6 meals a day, he has to pay for some of it by putting stuff back in the fridge!!!

My bf used this as this is what my dad said when we moved in my parents, we weren't paying them rent, but food money. I think bf also thinks that just cos we had it easy when we were 18 (we lived with my parents for a few years), his lil bro should get a break too. I think:-

1 They were my parents and as much as I am very grateful, that's what parents do and I shall do it for my kids too.

2 We were saving in excess of £1,400 a month towards a desposit on a house.

Anyways, I know none of the above actually asks a question, just venting my frustration!:mad:

ktb

I personally would have a chat with my bf.. show him how much rooms to let are in our area on https://www.gumtree.com and try and make him see that we werent doing him any favours by not letting him live in the 'real world'!

My brother's costs were subsidised by my parents well into his 20's and he got the biggest shock last year when he moved out and suddenly had to pay proper rent, council tax, utilities, food etc... he really struggled for a while - well he still is really! He wishes he'd used his subsidised time more wisely...

I can understand why you OH wants to give his bro a break... but unless he is using that break wisely (i.e saving a deposit like you did) then he isn't really doing him any favours. But if he doesnt see that it may just make your life more difficult battling it!

Boys eh!? :rolleyes:

pollyanna24

Indeed boys!!

We are going to start taking another £100 off him from next month and save it in a ISA for him, so that he does have money for when he moves out.

But I just feel like we have just stepped into the role of parents for him. He should be saving this money himself, not us pretty much doing it for him!

And, call me a tight old git if you want and I know we should all help family out, but should I be happy with just £120 a month when I look at what my bills come to (and the increase in my mortgage come next April)? I know they ain't his problem, but if he wasn't in the room, I could get another lodger in there paying a lot more!!!

Idiophreak

There's helping out, then there's being taken advantage of.

If he's really skint and can't afford to give you anything, that's one thing, but if he could afford more, it's something completely different.

I live in the SE with my parents and pay them £200/month towards food, electricity etc...tbh I think I'd be getting my money's worth if I were to pay them 400-500, but they let me off quite lightly because I've still got a lot of student debt to clear.

It's fair enough to charge him £120 for a few months, or until he gets his finances in order, but after that it's time to stick the "rent" up to a figure that actually covers the cost of having him there.

You "help" someone in the short term...once he's financially stable, your obligation to help him has ended and it's down to him to start helping himself...if he isn't going to do that, you shouldn't have any sympathy for him.

If he doesn't want to pay to replace food, just ask him to pay 1/3 of the mortgage, council tax, food, water, electricity etc etc...

pollyanna24

Every now and then, him and bf have a barney and bf will tell him how much he would be paying in the real world. I made it £320 realisticly (even though that sounds low).

I said:-
£200 for the room - (£50 a week seems reasonable in the paper).
£33.50 for council tax
£10 for gas
£10 for electricity
£6.25 for water
£2.83 for tv licence
£10.88 for sky (I know technically we chose to have this, but I hardly ever get a look in any more with the telly).
£50 for food

I do want to help him out (and to be honest, after paying for his food, the £70 left over is £70 I wouldn't otherwise have) and he always get depressed about living with us and he keeps saying he doesn't want to be a burden to us. He has said he can afford £80 a week if he really struggled. I said, fine, just give that to me!!!! But no, bf steps in and said I can't do that, and wait till my family need a bit of help. AARrrgghh, believe me I could rant for hours about this!