Remortgaging with ex husband to pay off both of our separate debts

clippycloppy

I don't have much hope that anyone can give me any advice that I want to hear, i.e. good news, but it's worth a shot!

My husband and I separated in 2007. We have 2 teenage daughters and a joint mortgage on the house that I remained in with the kids. He moved out and lives now in a flat owned by his father with his girlfriend. He pays no money towards the mortgage or the girls. I live in the house with my new partner and my 2 girls. We never got a divorce because we couldn't afford it.
I have roughly £20,000 debt, mainly a loan with stupidly high interest,( originally a £12,000 loan, but they added a further £12,000 to the total, and 2 1/2 years into a 5 year loan I still owe the original £12,000 - £404 a month) and credit cards. My personal income is only £1100 a month, though my [partner brings in a further £1500. My ex husband is also in debt, though I have no idea how much.
The mortgage company, Nationwide tell me that they would have put the mortgage in my name, had i not had all of that debt.
Mortgage is about £37,000, with 13 years left, house value £120,000.
Partner has a bad credit history so not possible to add him to the mortgage and take his earnings into account.
We are covering all of our bills and debts, leaving very very little left over for girls clothes, school trips, car services etc etc. It is a very tight budget and have cut what we can.
I am getting very depressed about the whole thing and am now prescribed anti depressants.
The only 2 options i can think of is sell the house, pay off the debts and pay exorbitant rents and be in no better situation minus a house, or, and this is what i want advice about is, to approach ex husband and see if we can remortgage together, having enough to pay off both of our debts. He has already agreed that the house is mine in theory as he pays no maintenance. I would extend the mortgage period so that the payments would be a bit lower. I just don't know whether the mortgage companies would go for this in any way shape or form - we both have debt, we both don't earn enough on our own to cover the debt and household bills, and we both don't live in the house. Ideally though i would get a 2 year fixed rate, so that by the time it is finished, both myself and partner would be in a better credit history state, and then maybe remortgage with no extra borrowing together.
I hope someone can advise me of the best solution. Thank you!

hcb42

Dont enter into any more agreements with ex partner ( I doubt you could anyway), you are merely moving the problem

the better approach would be to look at the MSE ideas and debt free boards here and look at spending and gettng that debt down.

It would be a shame to sell the house when you have such a small mortgage to go

Are you managing to pay the debts and outgoings every month without going into Overdraft, if so that is a start - even if it is a bit hard/depressing, at least it isnt getting any worse, in 2.5 years your loan will have gone, and that will be a massive milestone.

Second job for a little while to earn a few more pennies?

clippycloppy

Thank you for your reply :beer:

I am using a £500 overdraft up to the limit and sometimes going over every month.

I am looking for an extra job but finding something that fits alongside my present job of 26 hours, driving partner to work 25 miles away, and picking him up in the evening (100 miles a day = hefty petrol bill) He doesn't drive, no public transport suitable, and even if we could afford driving lessons for him, we couldn't afford 2 cars probably! I need a car for my job also., and around the kids is quite difficult. Plus the fact you are taxed alot for a low paid second job. Hardly worth it, but i am looking.

Sorry if it sounds like i'm moaning. I have got myself into this mess, but i'm really struggling

Thrugelmir

Your ex should be paying maintenance for the children at the very least.

hcb42

You are not taxed more for a second job, you pay the same tax rate, as if you had the one job which paid more you just might appear to pay more as you have a tax allowance of nearly £10K or whatever it is at the moment. But if it doesnt work right now, it doesnt work

Nightmare challenge (and expense on the travel to work thing though), that must be costing a fortune, time for partner to get a new job where they can get the bus....?

A tip someone gave me years ago - write down 10 positive statements about how you want your life to be/look etc and keep them in purse/wallet. Every day read them and do something to move towards the goal. You WILL get there

cod3

I think flagging up to your not-ex husband that he has a load of equity in a house that he could sell to pay off his debts, would be a bad idea. Try to stay positive and ride out the next 2 and a half years

Thrugelmir

cod3 wrote: »

I think flagging up to your not-ex husband that he has a load of equity in a house that he could sell to pay off his debts, would be a bad idea.

When the children are older. The house may well come up as an issue in any case.

Dave_Ham

Depending upon what your credit file looks like and additionally how complicit your Ex will be, you could potentially remortgage just in your name away from Nationwide and encompass your debt. Dependent upon age, you could potentially increase your term for some breathing space while the kids are still expensive.

This is not necessarily the MSE way, but may give you the breathing space you require to move on AND you can formally separate yourself from your Ex as that is a ticking time bomb.

Once you get out of the maintenance period (ie when they are adults) and you cannot claim, I do not expect your Ex to let you have the house. Just my opinion, but there would be no barrier and he would have got away with it legally.

Get yourself some formal advice, some lenders will consider all types of income and could be the lever to getting yourself straight..

All the best

Dave_Ham

Add in, assume you are on the low rate Nationwide BMR, although this may be a sacrifice worth making.

clippycloppy

Thanks everyone.

My kids are nearly 16 and nearly 13 so I know my problems are going to potentially get worse sooner rather than later.

Dave Ham - I am going to get a copy of my credit file. In essence I think it is 'ok', I have never missed a payment on my debts, maybe a few times a payment has been a day late. I am in arrears by about £500 on my student loan because I didn't get around to deferring it. Not sure if that shows up. I am now on a payment plan with them.

Do you know whether any mortgage companies would take my partners income into account, even though he wouldn't be on the mortgage. If not, then all they would take is my £1100 income plus child benefit? I'm not sure that would cover the £60000 I would need. They seem to want to see that I can afford what I pay at the moment - bills AND debts, despite me wanting to extend the mortgage to wipe the debts off.

Is it worth me going to a mortgage broker if I can find a free one?

Dave_Ham

Some lenders will accept additional income, some will not.

I highly suspect you will require an experienced broker and unfortunately none will take partners income.

Some brokers may defer their payment to completion, so you do not have to find the money upfront.

Given the ages of your children, I would be doing this today and you can start afresh and unsecured debt free with the house all yours.

I wish you good luck.